Tuesday, February 26, 2013
There were times yesterday when I literally felt short of breath. Unlike when I was heavy, I didn't assume I was having a heart attack. I knew it was stress, and I can handle that! Thanks for all the great comments, you are all so supportive and had so much to offer! At first when I heard the news (I think it will be one of those phone calls that will forever stay in your head...like the one I got the night my mom died, or the one we got when hubby's lymph node biopsy for melanoma spread was negative), I wanted to curl up in a ball and get into bed, pull the covers over my head and sleep. That is my typical reaction. I wasn't hungry, which surprised me. I can eat through anything. But then I realized it is more important now than ever before that I stay slim and healthy to help him in his battle. So I had a very good day eating-wise, if in NO OTHER WAY, yesterday. I even walked the dog down the road. Got to keep the pounds off and stay strong for my wonderful hubby.
Several people said I need to stay strong for him, and I know that it is true. But it is so hard. He is the one who comforts me and gives me strength. As I said yesterday, he is my rock. Now I will need to be his rock.
I am impatient. Our first doctor appointment is almost two weeks away. There may be a CAT and PET scan scheduled first, they will call us. I want to get started fighting this Cancer right NOW. I did some Internet research and that scared me more than anything, so I don't know that I want to read that stuff anymore. The doctor's office is to send some booklets and suggestions of books we might want to buy or check-out. I know it's important to be knowledgeable. I want to have lots of questions to ask the doctor when we finally get to see him. I always imagine the worst, it's one of my many faults. I try to think positive but it's hard. That's why I want some answers immediately and that is not going to happen. I want to be able to stop worrying and feeling sick. I want that peace of mind I had just a few short days ago. I want to have him with me for at least 20 more years, so that we can enjoy some retirement time together. He has worked so hard for over 40 years, and deserves some time to enjoy life now. So I'm hoping he doesn't get robbed of that. Time flies by so quickly, and we all want more of it, in the end, don't we?