For the first time in five years I went to put on a pair of jeans and couldn't get them on. I probably could have jiggled and squeezed, but I would have been totally uncomfortable. I had to buy a new (bigger) business suit for a meeting.
I've been watching the scale inch up for over a year, but this is the first real bang me over the head moment. My weight is out of control.
What I'm doing is just not working. I've let the craziness at work completely take over my life outside of work. I've eaten all of the stress and worry. I've let a crazy situation do horrible damage to my health.
I'm not completely distraught though. And that is remarkable. In the past, if I was gaining weight, I would just sink further and further into depression. I would give up the situation as hopeless.
Right now, all I'm thinking about is what kind of plan I can put together to get back on track. I'm thinking about the strategies I used to lose 130 pounds in the first place. Deciding which of them will be of the best use to me right now.
For me, it starts with numbers.
Not the ones on the scale though. How many days of the month I complete cardio. How many days I weight train. How many days can I go without junk food? How many miles can I complete in forty-five minutes?
I'm starting over on March 2. I'm not starting today because I'm travelling this week. One of the things that really helps me is planning meals and preparing my own food. I can't really do that on the road. I'm at a meeting where most of the meals are provided, so I don't have much control there at all.
I can get to the hotel gym though. I probably can come up with some salads. I can get this plan written down so I hit the ground running when I get home.
And perhaps most important, I can ask for help. I need to get a support team around me to help keep me accountable. I haven't had that for a while. I have more of an "unaccountability" team. We are all lazy together. We're all gaining together.
Argh! There are so many things that are broken right now... Can't fix them all at once, but I've got to take on something.
Things at work are settling down and I will be here more often. I miss you, Spark Peeps.