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    SOTIREDOFTHIS   4,969
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Caring about what other people think........


Monday, February 25, 2013

I am writing this entry because one of my Spark friends made an entry on her blog that struck a chord with me.......caring about what other people think.......

I have cared about what other people think my entire life...........as I get older I am trying to overcome this because I think nothing good comes from it.......

Most people care about what their parents think...........I know that I do and my parents as I sure most are, are great people, but when I look back on it, they did not have great filters!

My parents, whom I love dearly have never complimented me when I looked good, ever, that I can remember......but they would always be the first ones to tell me when I was gaining weight.....it hurt..... I was never obese growing up and now that I think about it, I was not overweight either.... after I had my son which was 11 years ago, things started to slide, in a not so good direction.....

By the way when my father was alive he never gave me many memorable pats on the back for my accomplishments......unfortuna
tely, I can always remember the times he would reference my weight when it started to creep up.........One instance was particularly memorable.......my husband and I went to my parents house to tell them that I was pregnant (with our first child) and before I could tell them he said to me "starting to gain some weight, huh?" and I retorted, because I was hurt and he sort of stole the moment, "yeah, and I will probably be gaining a lot more in the next 8 months because I am pregnant" I have 3 sisters and pretty much have not been the heaviest, even though I was the tallest, but now I am.....the last time I was home my mom commented on how my sister who used to be the heaviest has lost 30lbs.......I did congratulate my sister, but my mom was trying to let me know in her way that I needed to lose too.........she is right, but as I have always said to my mom, even when I was not overweight......you should not tell someone that they look like they are gaining weight, etc.......Besides being rude, I am sure that most people who are gaining weight already know this, and all you are going to do is pour salt in their wound.......It's funny now that I think about it, I never recall them telling me how good I looked when I did.......at one point they even told me you look like you are getting too thin.....and this is when I looked really good, and not too thin, by any measure........Obviously no pleasing them....I do believe it is ok for a loved one to sit you down and talk to you about their concerns for your health, especially if there is a need to, but if it is not done in a constructive caring way, it most certainly is going to backfire!

I guess my point, is we have to go on this journey for ourselves and no one else!

Hopefully by ranting here I will be able to exorcise some of these demons in my head!

Thank you for listening!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
KATELJM 7/27/2013 12:42PM

    Constant negativity coming from parents is a form of verbal abuse and the damage can last a long time. But now that we are adults and can see how our upbringing caused unhealthy coping mechanisms, it is up to us to become loving, motivating, responsible self-parents. For me, the negativity caused me to fight "you can't" with "watch me do it anyway", to look for possibilities and follow through, building resiliency and resourcefulness. An obstacle can build character. Reflect: which positives arose from your struggle?

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HZGLORY 2/27/2013 9:04PM

    SOTIREDOFTHIS,
I really liked your blog. You are definitely doing soul searching and that is what the journey is all about. Finding what makes you tick, what makes you happy, what doesn't. For me the older I get the less I care about others opinions of me. I figure now that I am in my 50's it is time for me to like me and if those around me don't do the same, they are not worth wasteing my time on. However with Family you can't just toss them aside so you have to wade very carefully through the issues with them. I am proud of you getting to the point that you are doing this for you and no one else. That is how it will have to be, because they will not be there with you when you face those decisions of pressing in or giving up. And those decisions you make ahead of time will make a lot of differance! I am glad you are on the Tangerine team and I look forward to getting to know you through this challenge! Susan

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FAVALL 2/25/2013 11:15AM

    Most people care about what other people think of us. Parent's approval for all areas of our lives is sought but not always received. Hopefully, you know that they loved you, even though you captured their concern (expressed bluntly) regarding your body size. We all have our own jouney to walk. Finding the motivation that you need to succeed, regardless of what anyone else thinks, is a healthy sign of being right with yourself and mature. Set your goals, define your action plans, and live your life. Your family, who loves you, will be happy that you are healthier.

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SFENNER 2/25/2013 10:26AM

    Have a Happy Monday... emoticon

Have a day for yourself.

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