Monday, February 25, 2013
I will not lie on here... and I will openly admit that the last 2 months has absolutely sucked because of various indecisions in my life, and these indecisions that were not on my plate to decide what to do, it was me waiting for action on anothers part... and while I started to say "NO" around the end of January in other areas of life, it wasn't enough to give me clarity, so February kept going with me being in limbo.
Ahhh, sorry to be vague, but everyone has these times in life, so if you have ever been there, then you will know what I mean.
Let's just say this: It's transition time for me. In my work status mainly. I am looking down a path, with several branches in the road...there is a fog too...and it was pretty dense for a while, but as each day goes on, the fog is slowly lifting...and I see some of the paths fall away, and then there are two to choose from... but in my heart, I know, that there is one that I truly wish to follow... and while it is dark and uncertain, and I can barely see the bumps in the road, I know I can handle them - because I am determined, and maybe, just maybe, this is what I was meant to do for a long long time, but didn't know it.
Life is funny like that...you don't know what it will bring you until you are faced with tough decisions... and then your gut will be your guide.
I have always had faith like this. Some use prayer and sight Jesus as being their savior... I, on the other hand, while being a lapsed Roman Catholic (my own term I jokingly use) believe in a higher power mixed with a little dash of fate and a dollop of instinct on what path to choose... that being a good person in general will eventually work in the long run...and the long run is really that the afterlife will be a lovely place rather than one of the rings from Dante's Inferno.
If you can't tell it yet... I studied theology and ancient civilizaitons in my past... Latin too. I am a veritable cornucopia of bit and pieces of useless information that make me who I am... and while mostly useless in everyday life, I am finding all these bits and pieces invaluable when teaching my kids.. another joy that I have found and need to acknowledge because it is, to quote Martha Stewart "it's a good thing."
So here are the list of joys my eyes beheld this morning:
- 133 on the scale and the "skinny" jean still fit just fine even though eating and drinking have been abysmal, let's face it, the last 3 months... first because of holidays and then because of stress
- my middle guy has a talent for the recorder and not really the violin (short fingers, poor thing).. and he plays the recorder beautifully and for hours at a time (you'd think I would be annoyed, but he is that good..). and so I suggested he try the clarinet next year - and he BEAMED with pride at my praise and the fact that I accually have a clarinet from when I was a kid, somewhere in the closet upstairs (told you I was a font of useless information! LOL) I will be digging it out momentarily.
- my hubby is behind my decisions - he is trying to play Devil's Advocate too, but this time, bless his heart, I am not backing down...and he sees it and appreciates it. Love him for that.
- Other decisions made are for the greater good...even though they may be hard to take, it's still the best decision to be made at the time... and I am AOK with that.
My Joy is emerging slowly once again.
I signed up for a 5K at my old high school....it is in a month, and something to focus on other than work. It will give me clarity in other ways...get me on the path...an attainable goal for the near future. That is what we must do sometimes...it helps when things are up in the air.
So, dear Spark friends....when you see me quiet on here, it's not that I have gone away....it just that life gets in the way.
I hope all is well....wish me luck too!