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What A Difference A Year Makes...

Monday, February 25, 2013

The year for my healthy lifestyle journey isn't til next month, but I was looking back on this old picture, and it was taken January 17 of 2012, so I instantly found a picture taken January of this year to compare, and I was glad I did. The feelings of that day of the "fat picture" came rushing back to me. It was one of the best days ever, I got to go to a live taping of my favorite show, The Big Bang Theory, but it wasn't always emoticon's and emoticon's, there were a lot of not-so-good things about that day as well. emoticon

This is the episode we saw... emoticon

emoticon Kunal Nayyar (Raj) signed my program! emoticon

It was a loooooooooooooooong day, you had to get there super early and wait because admission wasn't guaranteed. We had a blast, but...

What they don't tell you is you have to walk across the street, waaaaaaaaaaay down to the last studio on the right to get there. emoticon emoticon I really thought I was going to die. Walking so far. It was awful. The majority of the people were average size, there was however one obese woman that had to take a golf cart ride to get there. I felt bad for her as I heard others commenting, snickering and staring.

Then we got in, and they have the smallest chairs. Like ONE butt cheek fits on the chair kind of chair. They were zip tied together so you could not move them. Now my friend Marisol and I were both big girls... she got to sit on the isle and I had to sit next to some skinny girl. But basically Marisol and I did not really fit. In fact I was kind of on her chair and she was kind of half on her chair as well, hanging off the edge. It was a terrible feeling. The poor obese woman had to sit in two chairs, and I know people were snickering about that.

Then they had audience participation, and they would do fun dance contests and stuff. This one girl, who was just chubby, certainly not fat, was dancing and I had to hear the skinny witches next to me snicker and comment about how she should not be up the dancing up there and other choice words. It was a great day based on going to see The Big Bang Theory, but it was not a good day for overweight people. Not only the uncomfortableness of the walking and sitting in the small chairs, but the judgement from others.

Then the ultimate blow. The picture above is us with our favorite radio DJ JoJo on the radio. I used to win stuff all the time on the radio, and met the DJ numerous times, I even had a nickname. So after the long day of Big Bang Theory we stopped at Bob's Big Boy and JoJo came in. I said hi and after I told him my nickname he cracked up and remembered me from years and years ago. HE insisted we take a picture and that he would tweet it. I remember being so excited about the photo, UNTIL I saw the outcome. That is just not a good picture of me no matter how you slice it. There is no good angle, there is no hiding behind someone else and it really killed me. I was so RELIEVED when I saw that HE disabled the comments so that no one could comment on the photo. He has many followers and I would have died if I had to see a comment about the "fat girls".

I did not start my journey that day or even that month, but I really think that was a huge reality check. It was everything, the photo, the not being able to walk a mere half mile or whatever it was without feeling like I was going to die, not fitting into the chair, the judgement from others, EVERYTHING just hit me like a ton of bricks. March 20, 2012 I started my journey at 262 pounds, and I have not looked back since.

Sometimes we forget why we are doing this. I really forgot how miserable 272 pound Stephanie was. She cried at night, she had trouble just rolling over in bed, let alone walking around the mall... she wasn't living life and she wasn't enjoying the one she had. So sometimes we just need to take a step back, and remember WHY we wanted to change in the first place. Our new weights can become our "new normal" and we lose sense of just how badly we wanted to change. We get caught up in how much farther we have to go and don't look back at all the progress we have made. Remember where you came from, and where you are going, but don't forget to be proud of you TODAY and EVERYDAY along your healthy journey. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I always wondered how it is to be part of the audience in these shows! Thanks for the feedback! I love Big Bang Theory!

    You look great, no matter what angle it is! As for the "skinny witches", just ignore them... Food is a pleasure, they don't know what they miss... We Do know, and that is why we are so stronger than they think!

    1845 days ago
    And then there are lawn chairs just lying in wait to drop us on the ground in front of everyone. It will be so wonderful not to have to be careful which chair I sit in. You are doing great. emoticon
    1845 days ago
    A good friend of mine shared this blog with me and I am glad she did! lol You are so right about the difference a year makes. I am not yet at the year mark but I can still agree because as you well know, I was shut in and not doing well and I can look back to this time last year and remember so many terrible anxiety attacks. Thanks to finding Sparkpeople, I don't have attacks like that any more (well they happen but aren't anywhere near as bad as a year ago).

    You have come a long way my friend. I know that at times we whine about the current happenings (or not happenings) but when we look back farther, we can see that we have made lots of progress. We have grown in so many positive ways along the journey. We may not have lost the amount of weight that we thought we would have at this point but we can't dispute the progress we have made.

    Thanks for reminding me that I need to look back farther than just a couple months and take an inventory of where I began and how far I have come.

    Nope, it hasn't been emoticon 's and emoticon 's but it has been progress!!! emoticon

    We are superstars!!! emoticon
    1845 days ago
    Glad you made that call to switch things up, whatever the final straw might have been. It's a tiny bit sad that an otherwise positive memory (of watching the BBT taping, meeting a fave personality) is tinged by those associated negatives. Here's to getting yourself to where the next time you get to make a memory like that, you get to enjoy it unreservedly down the line.
    1846 days ago
    You have come so far - it is good to look back over the year and see how much you have accomplished. So many small good decisions have made up your success so far... Focus on the positives - celebrate the success - as you pause in this journey to look around - and can see what you have left behind and look ahead to even more success.
    You rock woman! emoticon
    1848 days ago
    Thanks for sharing & congratulations on your progress! emoticon
    1849 days ago
  • COOKIE_AT_51
    Wow ... great insights! I can relate to your "new normal" it happens and we don't even realize it.
    emoticon on your success so far emoticon to onederland ... I am so excited for you! I hope to be sharing the same story this time next year emoticon
    1849 days ago
    As I read this I remembered so many similar situations that have happened to me in the past. You are doing so great. What a difference a year makes and how much you have changed. Keep pushing, you are rockin it.
    1849 days ago
    People really have no idea what it is like to be big when they start judging. Nobody WANTS to be big.. and most times there is also a story behind the weight. Then losing the weight is a whole other story. People judge before they know the story behind you. Some people are working at getting healthier, others may not be to that point yet. The emotion stress behind being overweight is just as bad as being judged too. I remember every laugh, look, etc made me think someone was talking about me. It was horrible. I wish more people would consider the feelings of others before they opened their mouths. That's cool you got to see the taping of The Big Bang Theory. I love that show! Sometimes I hate looking back at pictures of myself because I hate how big I got.. but then when I think about it, it's all just a part of my past. I will never let myself get back to that point.. and I am VERY happy with how far I have come. You should definitely be happy with how far you've come along as well. You can see you have lost alot of weight.. but I can tell you, you were just as beautiful at that weight as you are now! Do we get to know your nickname they gave you?
    1850 days ago
    I love this blog, it is so crazy to hear the story behind that picture!!! Like really it makes me think of countless things I have gone to do and it was fun BUT now I am remembering all the BS that I had to deal with. without the story that picture would have made me think oh that's so cool she got to do that how fun...the end. But no you don't think about the getting their the seating...the rude people. And really in a perfect NICE world it would be fine going there because you'd think that everyone likes that show and would think about that fact....everyone here likes this show...everyone has that in no there's people being dumb and saying things that are POINTLESS!!! Props to that lady for going anyways she must have went home and cried that night.

    1850 days ago
    First off, I can't believe the way some people conduct themselves. It amazes me when adults act that way. And for the over-weight girl that got up and danced: good for you! Get out there and do what makes you happy. I just hope she didn't hear any of those comments.

    I get the small seat issue. Hubby and I love Angels games and the seats, especially the cheapo seats, are kind of small. I'm curious if you went back and saw another taping (that would be terrible, wouldn't it? ;)) how much of a difference there would be with these seats. Quite a bit, I'm sure.

    That's pretty awesome that JoJo recognized you! I think he's a pretty well-known name in LA.

    I'm so glad you found something that you can reflect on. How amazing is it too to think that you are moving so far away from ever having those feelings again. Of course there will be days where you might be uncomfortable (even 110 lb girls have fat days), but I'm glad you can have something else to measure your success by.

    I'm so proud of you and so happy for you!
    1850 days ago
    emoticon I have to agree what a difference a year makes ! You are rocking this and soon Onderland will be yours.
    1850 days ago
    Wow! Wonderful blog! I've heard Jojo on the Radio but never seen him -- cool! I think you're right, it is crucial to remain aware of why we started this in the first place. For me a photo served as a reality check but it wasn't enough. When I started experiencing health issues, I really began to understand that this was necessary for me to enjoy my life. And I am enjoying it! emoticon
    1850 days ago
    Congrats on all the progress you have made! You look great and I have no doubt you will be able to reach your goal!

    I am also super jealous of you visiting the BBT set. That's one of my favorite shows as well. You should make that a reward when you get back to your goal weight to see how different it is (if you can get back for another taping).
    1850 days ago
    Fabulous blog - and LOOK at you - LOOK how far you've come!! WTG, stepping back and looking to the past for inspiration for the future!! You've GOT this!! emoticon
    1850 days ago
    Thank you for sharing, you are truly an inspiration.
    1850 days ago
    You have come a long way, and are looking fabulous. Keep up the great work. I have so many memories like this too. I only wish I could go see the Big Band Theory, jealous. lol
    1850 days ago
    1850 days ago
    I could so relate to the long walk and then sitting in the tiny chairs! And I always get put next to a really skinny person. I feel a need to apologize to them, but I don't.

    Keep going on your amazing journey. You have inspired me!
    1850 days ago
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