The year for my healthy lifestyle journey isn't til next month, but I was looking back on this old picture, and it was taken January 17 of 2012, so I instantly found a picture taken January of this year to compare, and I was glad I did. The feelings of that day of the "fat picture" came rushing back to me. It was one of the best days ever, I got to go to a live taping of my favorite show, The Big Bang Theory, but it wasn't always
's, there were a lot of not-so-good things about that day as well.
This is the episode we saw...
Kunal Nayyar (Raj) signed my program!
It was a loooooooooooooooong day, you had to get there super early and wait because admission wasn't guaranteed. We had a blast, but...
What they don't tell you is you have to walk across the street, waaaaaaaaaaay down to the last studio on the right to get there.
I really thought I was going to die. Walking so far. It was awful. The majority of the people were average size, there was however one obese woman that had to take a golf cart ride to get there. I felt bad for her as I heard others commenting, snickering and staring.
Then we got in, and they have the smallest chairs. Like ONE butt cheek fits on the chair kind of chair. They were zip tied together so you could not move them. Now my friend Marisol and I were both big girls... she got to sit on the isle and I had to sit next to some skinny girl. But basically Marisol and I did not really fit. In fact I was kind of on her chair and she was kind of half on her chair as well, hanging off the edge. It was a terrible feeling. The poor obese woman had to sit in two chairs, and I know people were snickering about that.
Then they had audience participation, and they would do fun dance contests and stuff. This one girl, who was just chubby, certainly not fat, was dancing and I had to hear the skinny witches next to me snicker and comment about how she should not be up the dancing up there and other choice words. It was a great day based on going to see The Big Bang Theory, but it was not a good day for overweight people. Not only the uncomfortableness of the walking and sitting in the small chairs, but the judgement from others.
Then the ultimate blow. The picture above is us with our favorite radio DJ JoJo on the radio. I used to win stuff all the time on the radio, and met the DJ numerous times, I even had a nickname. So after the long day of Big Bang Theory we stopped at Bob's Big Boy and JoJo came in. I said hi and after I told him my nickname he cracked up and remembered me from years and years ago. HE insisted we take a picture and that he would tweet it. I remember being so excited about the photo, UNTIL I saw the outcome. That is just not a good picture of me no matter how you slice it. There is no good angle, there is no hiding behind someone else and it really killed me. I was so RELIEVED when I saw that HE disabled the comments so that no one could comment on the photo. He has many followers and I would have died if I had to see a comment about the "fat girls".
I did not start my journey that day or even that month, but I really think that was a huge reality check. It was everything, the photo, the not being able to walk a mere half mile or whatever it was without feeling like I was going to die, not fitting into the chair, the judgement from others, EVERYTHING just hit me like a ton of bricks. March 20, 2012 I started my journey at 262 pounds, and I have not looked back since.
Sometimes we forget why we are doing this. I really forgot how miserable 272 pound Stephanie was. She cried at night, she had trouble just rolling over in bed, let alone walking around the mall... she wasn't living life and she wasn't enjoying the one she had. So sometimes we just need to take a step back, and remember WHY we wanted to change in the first place. Our new weights can become our "new normal" and we lose sense of just how badly we wanted to change. We get caught up in how much farther we have to go and don't look back at all the progress we have made. Remember where you came from, and where you are going, but don't forget to be proud of you TODAY and EVERYDAY along your healthy journey.