Monday, February 25, 2013
First of all I'm really sorry for not keeping up with everyone's blogs and such the past few days. Things have been... crazy. I'll do my best to catch up very soon!
I'm sad to say that I'm not doing so well. I've been a bit depressed for some unknown reason. And of course that means I've been doing horribly with food. I've been so down and ashamed I haven't stepped on the scale in a week and two days. I'm really losing it, I'm afraid. :(
Things have just become a little too hard to handle. I feel like I spend a lot of time at work that's too draining for the weekends to make up for, and things are going down about a second job. My old boss at Lane Bryant offered me a part-time job in the morning for seventy-five cents an hour more than what other part-timers are offered (which is good, I suppose, even if the standard for retail where I live is minimum wage). Honestly I really, really, REALLY don't want to go back into retail, and I'm afraid adding the extra four hours to my work day is going to absolutely DRAIN me like never before. But then again the money would be enough to offset the damage of my car payment and I could get my original debt repayment plans about 80-90% back on track. That's the point to having a job at all, right?
*Sigh* Either way I'm due to sign the employment papers tomorrow around lunch time, so I guess the decision is made whether I like it or not. Maybe it will be better than I remember; after all this go round I'm not a manager and can always shrug off the more annoying stuff, and it's not like my hours are going to be totally random (it HAS to be in the mornings). I guess if it totally blows I guess I can always quit, right?
Hopefully I'm just being pessimistic because of this whole depression thing.
So yeah, back to the food. Today I managed to keep it under 1600, but that was about 80 calories over my range. It's still pretty stellar compared to the day before, where I ate sushi, tempura shrimp, a medium Pachiugo gelato, two beers, three amaretto sours, veggie tacos, and sweet potato fries. Ugh. It seems like the worse I'm feeling and the harder it is for me to hold things together, the more I want to fall back on the emotional comforts of eating and therefore my resolve is just gone. I honestly don't know what to do to get back on track - usually the excitement of legitimate progress of weight loss is enough to motivate me, but since I've been plateauing since November it's like, what's the point? Lose a pound or less in a month? It's soul-crushing.
Soul-crushed. For some reason that seems like a perfect way to describe my life right now... and I don't know why! It's not like something traumatic or awful has happened to me recently. It's weird and I can't describe it. I just hope that this goes away soon. Hopefully the second job improves things rather than make them worse. Burning on my feet for four hours will burn some extra calories, right? Right?
I'm sorry for being so down. I know I'm being a big whiner, and that there's nothing productive out of this attitude, especially since there's not a lot of proactive "how am I going to fix this?" in me. For once I just don't feel it, you know?
Hopefully this blog gives me a kick in the pants that I need.
I hope that everyone is having a great start to their work week, and that everyone had a great weekend!