Monday, February 25, 2013
I haven't blogged for a couple months and thought it was about time I did. So, I'm kind of stuck. Stuck. I can't seem to push myself, even slightly, not for my health anyway. I push myself for work - I feel obligated to do a good job, work hard, but beyond that I'm just blah.
It seems my default response to a problem is just sit back and do nothing. They say, for an animal, when cornered it is either fight or flight... my response is to just take it. Brace and take it. Don't fight or run, but just nothing.
I want to lose weight, but I'm not making an effort to do anything about this. It's like I want things in the abstract, but not in reality. I don't want to do the things that it takes to get those things. I don't know how to change this. It's so a part of who I am - this doing nothing. I'm not giving up - I do come to spark and get points.
My exercise comes primarily from work - I walk 8,000-10,000 steps a day there and am stocking and cleaning constantly there. It's not work that stops me from exercising at home - like it's not that I'm so tired from work that I can't do something at home. It's that I don't. Motivation just isn't there.
This has been a battle for me for a while - it plays into my depression and nothing seems to change it. It's like doing nothing is just who I am. How do you change who you are?
I'm not giving up, I just can't seem to figure out a way to adjust. I think, just DO IT - except I don't. I just don't.
This default response of doing nothing doesn't work and yet, it's my response regularly.
I just wanted to put this out there.