I donít know why this is but everytime I revisit Geneen Rothís principles of eating when hungry and eating what I feel like eating I tend to go overboard by eating all kinds of junk food and have trouble stopping eating. Itís as if my mind is telling me ďyou canít trust yourself to just eat whenever and whatever you wantĒ. Itís also an ďall or nothingĒ type feeling: If Iím not controlling my portions and calories then I might as well just eat everything in sight! Itís the strangest thing since I really like the idea of eating when Iím hungry and eating what I feel like eating.
Iíve found Iíve been most successful when planning out my food ahead of time and making sure Iím eating the right number of calories each day. I like having it spelled out in black and white.
I started dieting when I was fairly young. I canít remember exactly when, but I do remember the Scarsdale Diet when it came out. It was my mother who started me dieting. Sheíd tell me I had ďsaddlebagsĒ (aka fat thighs) and sheíd go on the diets with me.
I just now researched when the Scarsdale diet came out and found it was in the late 70ís. While researching this I learned about some crazy fad diets throughout time. I had no idea that people would actually swallow tapeworms in order to lose weight! Gross!
I remember coming home from elementary school and the first thing I wanted to do was eat a baloney sandwich. Mayonnaise spread on two slices of bread with two slices of baloney plopped in the middle. I used to love those sandwiches and stuffed them in my face as if they could rid me of the day in school, shut it all out. I guess those were my first binges.
I remember the time in my life before I understood that foods had calories and that they could be fattening. I remember eating roasted salted sunflower seeds for the first time and loving them. I ate a ton of them and then my mother told me they were fattening, that they are very high in calories. Oh, so thatís how we gain weight!
Iíve started bingeing again. Iíd gone for over ten years without bingeing and just within in the last year or two have started again. Itís like I get into these ruts where I eat the same thing over and over as a binge. For awhile I had to run lots of errands in my car for work. I detest shopping of any kind unless itís online. Therefore, whenever Iíd run these errands Iíd stop by the grocery store and get a box of Skinny Cow Caramel Truffle bars. Iíd eat the entire box (six bars) while driving to Costco or Walmart or wherever I had to pick up supplies for work. Itís like I wanted to trash myself for doing something I didnít like. If I was doing something I loved then I wouldnít need to eat.
The other crazy thing is almost every single meal I eat is in the car or at my desk at work. Several nights a week my partner and I eat dinner on the couch while watching a movie. I canít even remember when this pattern of eating without being at a regular table and focusing on my food started for me. Part of the problem is I donít really enjoy taking time out for food when thereís so much I want to be doing. Iím also not really a ďfoodieĒ. However, I realize it isnít healthy to always be doing, doing, doing.
Iíve gotten out of the habit of planning out my food and I think it will really help me to record AHEAD OF TIME what Iíll be eating and make sure I stay within my calorie range. This is my goal for the coming week. I'm tired of losing and gaining the same five pounds which is what I've been doing for the last two years!