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    SUNPANTHER   22,676
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Have you checked your head space lately?

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Have you checked your head space? Is it full of excuses?

Mine has been, but I am working on it so I can step into the spring challenge with determination.

My truest (but the one I stubbornly resist the most) personal truth, is "No-one else can do this for you. It's YOUR journey"

The second one is...'Courage girl. You'll survive the emotional discomfort. Just let go of the fight, breath deeply, and do the next right thing.'

I have I have many reasons why I want to be healthier (and losing 100lbs is a big part of 'healthier')
- being able to play physical games with my son
- having energy to last through the day
- to live longer
- to feel better about myself/my body (sounds trivial but to me it's huge)
- to manage depression and anxiety better
- to complete this 'goal' (better health) so I can get on with my life.

The last has been a recent revelation of mine. Even when I thought I had overcome it, I discover I am still very much intrenched in the 'when-my-weight-is-good-I-can-
get-on-with-things'.

But it's been much more than that. Just recently examining old beliefs and ideas from my childhood - not looking for excuses but for persisting patterns of behaviour in my life, I have come across one problem that has repeated itself over and over again. That I have had dreams and fantasies about my life but no focused, orientational goal or purpose EXCEPT TO NOT BE FAT. And gosh, before you tell me how confused you are, I'm not talking about the goal that brought me and most of you here to Sparkpeople. I'm talking about the unconscious goal to not do anything with my life until I am 'thin'. I'm sure it's not the only unconscious goal in my head, but it's one I've uncovered this week.

My dearest sparkfriends. I do not want to be lying on my death bed thinking 'Your only goal in life was not to be fat, and you even failed at that.'

I am not judging myself for having this goal - it was totally unconscious that I moved all else aside for it.

So today I am facing it and asking myself 'what shall you do after you are healthy?' (obviously I have been avoiding this via a lifetime of sabotage). Truly I feel frightened, and have no idea, but...

Now i've realised this I'm going to get on with it, them I'm going to discover what the rest of my life can be!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAPA175 2/25/2013 11:03AM

    Very thought provoking

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LAYERS_OF_ME 2/24/2013 6:33PM

    In my head, I go to this place: "Once I _______ , I will be happy."
When I first read your last goal, this is what I originally thought you meant. I have been working very hard to be present in the moment, and not get so caught up with future-tripping. I can choose to be happy now. I don't have to wait for the scale to confirm it. I try to exist in the present, but I'm still working on it every day. Good luck on your journey. I'm right there with you.

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WENDYJM4 2/24/2013 5:27AM

    I agree it is all about headspace. emoticon m emoticon mm emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHOES17 2/24/2013 2:19AM

    I agree! There is a portion of this journey that is ours. We have to discover and have courage. It is nice to have people that encourage us along the way! emoticon

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GOANNA2 2/24/2013 12:52AM

    I often wonder what is in m y headspace too.
Fear is also there, so it's time to move and live.
Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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BLUE42DOWN 2/23/2013 10:21PM

    I think I've been doing too much head-space checking recently, if that's possible. It sounds like you found a really interesting thing. Enjoy moving forward with a little more peace of mind.

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DALID414 2/23/2013 9:51PM

    My head space is full of fear.

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