Saturday, February 23, 2013
Have you checked your head space? Is it full of excuses?
Mine has been, but I am working on it so I can step into the spring challenge with determination.
My truest (but the one I stubbornly resist the most) personal truth, is "No-one else can do this for you. It's YOUR journey"
The second one is...'Courage girl. You'll survive the emotional discomfort. Just let go of the fight, breath deeply, and do the next right thing.'
I have I have many reasons why I want to be healthier (and losing 100lbs is a big part of 'healthier')
- being able to play physical games with my son
- having energy to last through the day
- to live longer
- to feel better about myself/my body (sounds trivial but to me it's huge)
- to manage depression and anxiety better
- to complete this 'goal' (better health) so I can get on with my life.
The last has been a recent revelation of mine. Even when I thought I had overcome it, I discover I am still very much intrenched in the 'when-my-weight-is-good-I-can-
But it's been much more than that. Just recently examining old beliefs and ideas from my childhood - not looking for excuses but for persisting patterns of behaviour in my life, I have come across one problem that has repeated itself over and over again. That I have had dreams and fantasies about my life but no focused, orientational goal or purpose EXCEPT TO NOT BE FAT. And gosh, before you tell me how confused you are, I'm not talking about the goal that brought me and most of you here to Sparkpeople. I'm talking about the unconscious goal to not do anything with my life until I am 'thin'. I'm sure it's not the only unconscious goal in my head, but it's one I've uncovered this week.
My dearest sparkfriends. I do not want to be lying on my death bed thinking 'Your only goal in life was not to be fat, and you even failed at that.'
I am not judging myself for having this goal - it was totally unconscious that I moved all else aside for it.
So today I am facing it and asking myself 'what shall you do after you are healthy?' (obviously I have been avoiding this via a lifetime of sabotage). Truly I feel frightened, and have no idea, but...
Now i've realised this I'm going to get on with it, them I'm going to discover what the rest of my life can be!