For a little while now I've been floundering my way through what the cool kids call a 'quarter-life crisis'. I've been trying to find a job and I've been making it more difficult for myself because I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. My college major should have decided that for me but whose degree these days actually applies to their current job besides doctors, lawyers, pharmacists, teachers and scientists? Ok, maybe I'm the only one who doesn't put their degree to work...
Anyway, I'm tired of avoiding friends and/or not meeting new ones because nothing can kill the momentum of a conversation quite like mentioning your lack of gainful employment. It's awkward for them to comment on it without sounding like they're secretly passing judgment on you.
And, every time an older person asks me about my employment status, I feel like I'm letting down my own generation. I'm just confirming their suspicions that my generation is full of lazy, disloyal, unappreciative, entitled, self-righteous mini-adults. Needless to say, I'm tired of living up to their low expectations. Or technically, would I be living 'down' to their low expectations?
So I decided to delay my decision about the direction my life would head in by applying for a job that I'm over qualified for. I got called in for an interview and went through the awkward motions of trying to recall the highlights from my previous experience. I found myself remembering things mid-interview that I'd completely forgotten about. I think I might try and keep a journal from now on to prevent this from happening in the future. I've tried this about 5 or 6 times in the past but never seemed to get passed the 1st or 2nd page (procrastination at it's finest).
Anyway, at the end of my interview they sent me over to human resources to fill out a bunch of paperwork (including a W4) and then the HR lady sent me off to get a drug test. While there was no official "you're hired" wordage used at the end of my interview, I don't think they make every job applicant pee in a cup so I thought it was safe to assume I was being hired. A few days later I received an email with my work schedule on it so I guess I'm officially jobless no more.
But now I've got a bit of a problem. I still don't know how much money the job pays. It's not much (I know that for sure), but I just don't know how little it is. It's been drilled into my head to never EVER ask about pay during your interview so I kept my mouth shut. However, the HR paperwork I filled out never mentioned the pay either.
I guess I could've asked the HR lady but I was too busy thinking about my upcoming drug test and whether or not the obscene amount of meringues I recently ate would give some kind of false positive for an illicit drug (kind of like how poppy seeds give a false positive for opiates). My imagination had convinced me that too many of those sickeningly sweet meringues would surely be my downfall. How could they not?
I was also trying to focus on NOT peeing. Those drug test people always want you to fill the cup to a certain line and I had been 'holding it' since mid-interview. So the pay question never came up during the interview or the HR paperwork.
Now it's too late for me to ask about pay. I mean - I'm already on the schedule. If I ask now I'm sure they'll wonder why I accepted a job without knowing what it pays. Only a 'crazy' person would do that. And to that I would reply that a 'desperate for a job' person would probably do the same. Then they might reconsider their decision to hire me stating that they really don't want 'desperate' people working around them. And then I'd be back to being jobless again. No thank you.
So unfortunately, my conundrum has no easy fix that I can see. I guess I'll just have to wait until my first paycheck and figure out what my measly tuppence will be then.
This job though (no matter how much it pays) is only temporary. At the end of the summer I'll be right back where I started. Hopefully I'll be a little closer to figuring out what I want to do by then. With every passing day this quarter-life crisis is starting to inch closer and closer to a third-life crisis.