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Brutal Honesty

Friday, February 22, 2013

It's time for me to face some facts.

Fact #1: From March 1,2012 to September 1, 2012 (6 months) I lost the last 10 pounds to finally make it to my goal weight after trying for 2 1/2 years.

Fact #2: From September 1, 2012 to now (6 months) I have gained that entire 10 pounds back.

Fact #3: I weigh at least as much now as I did March 1, 2012, one year ago.

Here's where I'd like to blame something or someone for the fact that I have undone all my hard work and effort. I'd like to say it was stress, hormones, perimenopause, my thyroid, my family, global warming, a space alien with a penchant for Oreos taking over my body....

But truthfully, those 10 pounds can't be blamed on any of those things. Quite simply, I have been eating too much, eating the wrong things, and slacking just a little on my exercise. Not a lot, but enough to make a difference. I've been spending less time on Spark and less time thinking about my health.

Maintenance is hard. Everyone says it's harder than weight loss, and they are right. It's all of the deprivation and tracking and willpower and effort with none of the perks of people noticing or new clothing sizes or watching the scale needle move lower. But what makes me mad at myself is that I KNEW that. I knew that it was incredibly hard to lose those last ten pounds. I knew I couldn't start eating a lot more or skipping workouts. I knew I should continue to be involved with the Spark community. I knew all that, but I chose to ignore it.

Here's some more brutal honesty. I still don't have the binging completely under control. One day this week I ate an entire bag of Chex Mix, and in two days, pretty much all of a 2-pound bag of Peanut M&Ms, with more stuff besides. When I was having those days of just plain not caring, I could see how easy it would be to just let myself go. It wouldn't be hard at all for me to gain back every pound I've lost in the past three years.

For some reason I can still fit into my smaller clothes, and that's helping me because I didn't keep any of the bigger ones. I'm still not at the point of no return. I'm where I was a year ago, and a year ago I lost the last ten pounds. I can do it again.
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  • NUMD97
    Without a doubt, maintenance is the harder of the two "evils". A dear friend years ago suggested, and it wasn't about weight loss, that women do not have a fear of failure. That we've mastered very well as a group. What they do fear is success. I've spent decades pondering that one. I am absolutely convinced that this "journey" that we all are on, has very little to do with weight loss, but with an inward journey to explain why we are or were so heavy in the first place.

    I absolutely love what one Sparker said [can't give credit where credit is due, because, sadly, I don't remember who said it], "With each pound lost, a new drawer has to be opened and examined."

    Shedding light into the darkest corners of our soul is not something most of us welcome with open arms, but I do believe it's the key to this whole shebang.

    Need batteries?
    1811 days ago
    It happens to all of us, Leah. Now that you've faced yourself, the important thing is to focus ahead and do what you know to do. You did it once. emoticon again.
    1833 days ago
    yeah. btdt. I've sung that song and walked that walk. It stinks.

    and then we put on our big girl panties ... and our big girl workout clothes and go work it out.

    I know you can do this. You know you can do this. We'll be like Nike and Just Do It.

    1840 days ago
    Yes, you can lose it again. I feel your pain. I didn't make it to goal, but I was doing good and getting there. Then, with the job change and horrible boss situation, I gained 35 pounds. Now, I have to get all that off again and still continue on to goal. One thing that came to mind as I read your post is a saying..."It's not that we don't KNOW what to DO...it's that we don't DO what we KNOW." You said it yourself. You know what to do. But, it doesn't mean it's easy or in the bag. We have to make a concentrated effort with this life change. My advice to you (having recently, finally, gotten back in the groove after many false starts), is to just really get back to it. Track everything, get your sleep, get your exercise and log it, look at your deficits, and connect on Spark. I had to really emerse myself back into this program to get out of the binge eating problem and back on track and stay here. I have myself back in a routine of logging throughout the day, going through SparkCoach daily, exercising, and connecting. It takes time and effort...but it works. And I don't know about you, but I am just miserable when I am gaining and off track. It's not worth it. Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement! Spark on! emoticon emoticon
    1847 days ago
    There is a saying; A problem stated well is a problem have solved. emoticon

    1848 days ago
    We are kindred spirits for sure. I am dealing with the same thing. If it is any encouragement, whenever I start binging for a few days I do put on 5-6 lbs it seems like overnight. But just as soon as I get back on track for a mere day or two the initial weightloss is encouraging. Currently, I have been eating well for a week? maybe 5 days? and I am already down 4 lbs. Got another 4 to go to get under 130. And I am sure you know.... once you get the sugars and junk out of your system you will not crave it so much. You can do it! WE can do it! Keep blogging and keeping us updated!
    1850 days ago
  • TANYA602
    One foot in front of the other. You have the know-how, you can do the steps and it has been a rough year. I am here cheering you on and I know you will lose those 10 lbs. As spring comes around the corner, I think we will all find that next boost of inspiration. Hang in there, keep moving, and you'll be leading the way back into maintenance in no time. Have you joined the Maintenance team here on SP?
    emoticon emoticon
    1850 days ago
    I know your feeling of gaining back what you once lost. I've never been at maintenance, but I've gained back 20 lbs from where I was almost 3 years ago. It's very frustrating and comes on SO much faster then it comes off. The worst part is, when I'm eating junk, I'm telling myself to knock it off because it's not helping me and yet I continue to do it. Being honest with ourselves and seeing our weakness is a huge step in the right direction. I KNOW you will lose those 10 lbs again and I can't wait to celebrate each pound lost with you! emoticon
    1850 days ago
    It is definitely an up and down path in maintenance. I concur! Right now all my emphasis in on getting Mom better situated in assisted living; getting ready to sell my house; dealing with hiring issues at work; thinking of whether I should change jobs; and a million other distractions that all impact my attention to myself. Ugh. Oh well, at least we know we know how to do this! I think it's harder for people who have never hit goal because at least in my case, I always wondered if I could until I did, and was sure I'd never get there. Now I'm empowered!
    1850 days ago
    You have acknowledged the problem...you know the solution as you have done it before. Now just put your plan into action. We are all here for you. emoticon
    1850 days ago
    You've already done what I think is the toughest and most important part--acknowledging the problem and identifying its source before 10 pounds turned into 20, 30 or more! Now you just need to dig in and do what you did before. Easier said than done? Sure, but you did it last year and I know you can do it again!
    1850 days ago
    You're being honest and you're back and that's what is the most important. The 10 could easily turn into 15. It is frustrating how hard maintenance is. I've been up 5 since the holidays and its annoying and super hard work. But we will both get back to where we want to be.
    1851 days ago
  • MARTY728
    emoticon Get back on track! emoticon
    1851 days ago
    Maintenance is an ongoing process; I think most people put on a few pounds and then have to work to get them off again. Stress and life in general can nudge us back toward the way we used to think and eat; recognition and awareness of what is happening is a major step toward reining it in before it goes too far. Hang in there, you're worth the effort!
    1851 days ago
    You are taking the necessary brave first step here and I love that. Some days I think that is the biggest step. Weighing, tracking, saying what is so. What's the next step for you?

    I'm just like JLITT62. I gotta show up--in my case on Spark--to keep myself honest. It's a priority that keeps me on good terms with me. Tracking is a pain but I've learned that for me, it's what works. No other magic bullet does the trick for me.

    I know you will figure this all out for you. What you need, where you need to show up, what you need to do and what you want for support.

    I'm looking forward to cheering you on!! Because you are awesome and deserve to go after and get what you want!!!

    1851 days ago
    Good luck with getting back on track.

    1851 days ago
  • JLITT62
    It seems pretty much everyone who gets to maintenance goes thru this -- unfortunately you're in good company! Maybe I'm actually better off not losing those last few lbs -- NOT.

    It IS hard. You've to to keep doing all those things that got you where you wanted to be in tbe first place. Which kind of sucks -- but so does tight fitting clothes.

    For me, that means attending WW meetings forever . . . whether I'm at my goal or not. Because I know exactly what happens when I stop. It ain't pretty.

    You've got o figure out what you need to keep doing even tho it's hard & it sucks. And I know you can do it.
    1851 days ago
  • PCOH051610
    I'm sorry but your reference to the space alien with a penchant for Oreos has me in stitches. emoticon

    But in all honesty I don't think you are giving yourself enough credit! With all you have through lately I'm surprised you haven't eaten a case of Oreos let alone a few cookies here and there.

    If you haven't gone up a clothing size I wouldn't worry too much. Your weight will probably always fluctuate between an acceptable low and and acceptable high. You CAN this again but let the emotional turmoil of the past weeks subside before you are too hard on yourself.

    1851 days ago
    Yes you can!! emoticon
    1851 days ago
    The important point is that you're back now and being accountable and honest about what happened. Consider it a learning experience that you refuse to repeat again. Hang in there!
    1851 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1851 days ago
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