Friday, February 22, 2013
I am in a big learning curve with my business right now, and so I am allowing excuses to run amuck. It is simply the tail wagging the dog, instead of the other way around. There is no doubt that a lot of what I am learning by focusing on the inner game, is creating some confusion as the mind is reorganizing to process the new information. The point is that I am still in control of what happens to me and that IS what healing is all about. I know that with expectation management that you want to not be surprised if things get worse before they get better though. That is still no reason to get unplugged from SP.
With the big snow yesterday, I am still snowed in. I did a workout at home, 4 mile full body with body boost cables, and I have been logging my food. I am also wearing my fitbit tracker.
The great part is that I did get my 7 free videos created. This was a big step forward. I know that this really helped me to get some clarity so I could write this blog post. My spark streaking has been spotty and sporadic. This is just a lack of focus and integrity on my part. I was used to putting myself last as a mother of 4 and that is still my default mechanism, if I don't watch it.
I realized I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to weigh every Monday, since I bought my Aria scale and joined the Monday weigh in group and that is why I feel like I indulged in sweets and high calorie foods last weekend. I had stopped putting so much value in weighing years ago and so I don't need to make it an idol now. Instead I can find groups that really resonate in order to stay focused.
I also mentioned in my last blog post that I started going to the gym at least twice a week. Last Saturday i missed for being up all night with a stomach bug and this week because of the snow. I did go one time last week and got measured and weighed in. I told the trainer my goals, which I have achieved with him in the past, to get my body fat percentage down, once I get my weight down to 155. I got in touch with my fear of being too thin. The trainer commented that he didn't think that the scale showed I needed to lose any weight. This is a message to me that I am afraid to lose. This was another component to my lack of control last weekend. I remember that when I got my body fat percentage down around my midsection last time that my veins stuck out much more on my legs and arms and they all ready do. ( The doctor says it is just healthy veins that stick out because I am thin and bony.) I think it is kind of gross anyway and I was realizing I was afraid that it would happen again. It feels good to write about this dilemma so that I can raise the awareness even more.
Because I see everything through a holistic lens, i see that I am attracting the sabotage mechanisms and I am even aware of why. This will be good stuff for me to tap on and release the fears associated. Anything is possible with God and I know I can lose the body fat percentage and still be happy with my legs and arms. It is just a perception issue that needs healing.
I am going to work on getting my paper work together for my tax accountant, now.
I feel much better after blogging about the struggles. Everything happens for a reason and that reason is there to serve us and everyone else, too.