Friday, February 22, 2013
So I finally hit the big 20lbs-lost mark today. I am now back to being the heaviest I ever was 3 years ago, which is a super depressing way to look at it. So i'm not looking at it that way. I'm looking at it like I just lost 20lbs in 8 weeks. Good for me! I did a little dance in the bathroom this morning when I got off the scale. I was so relieved because I worked so hard this week. And especially after yesterday's visit to Lane Bryant to try and find jeans (Which was particularly depressing), I was proud of myself. I also lost 2 inches from my thighs and an inch from my arms. Nothing on my waist yet, but I fear my original measurement was off...either way...Good stuff all around.
I must confess, I worked so hard before the baby was born to get back down to a size 16 that now that I've gained all this weight, I was refusing to buy any new pants because I had all these barely used size 16s at home. So I've been wearing my maternity (or eternity according to my husband) pants and jeans until I could get back into my 16s. Well, its so sad, but I've actually worn my maternity jeans into holes in the thighs. So depressing. So it looks like I need to buy at least one pair of jeans that will fit me for now. I saw Lane Bryant had a sale going on where you try on a pair of pants and get $20 off just for trying them on. So I thought, ok, I'll give it a shot. So I tried on 6 or 7 different cuts and sizes and found that in their jeans I am inbetween an 18 & a 20. And they don't carry talls in the store I went to, so even if I'd found a good pair I was happy with, it didn't matter they still all looked like High-waters. Just staring at my gut in the dressing room mirror for the mere ten minutes I was in there was enough to take my pleasant mood into a nose dive of self hatred. Why did I let myself get this way? How could I possibly ever feel good about my shape? Etc, etc...Blech.
But I tried to let that motivate me even more and I guess it didn't hurt because I worked my butt off at kickboxing last night and managed to lose 2 1/2lbs putting me at the 20lb mark. So yey for that. I think the best solution for all of this is to just put mirrors on every possible surface of my house and walk around naked so I can't escape my frightening image.
Yeah, probably not...but we'll see. Only 52 more Pounds to go and 140 days to do it...