Friday, February 22, 2013
This is an entry to tell myself what I would write in a letter if I was my own best friend.
I know you have trouble believing in your worth to society after your diagnosis changed to schizoaffective disorder. It felt like your world crashed, and sometimes you still feel that way, but I would say that you are so much more than what you can produce at a job. You are a daughter, a friend, a volunteer, a babysitter, a neighbor, a niece, a granddaughter, and the lives you touch are better for it.
I know it can be hard to be motivated to take care of yourself at times. It doesn't seem worth it or important enough to do or pay attention to. Well, it is important. You can't be all those things to all those people if you run yourself into the ground, and people are going to worry that you are relapsing if you can't even make yourself wash your hair in the morning. In the grand scheme of things, save up a few dollars here and there throughout the month and get yourself a haircut. You don't have to do it every month, but once a season would be better than the once a year trend that's starting to happen. Supercuts isn't that expensive, and you'll feel loads better after they shampoo your hair and massage your scalp and fuss over you a bit.
You aren't sleeping for all the time you are in bed trying to. That is obvious with the fitbit turned on. Try not to beat yourself up for spending longer periods than 7-8 hours in bed. Your fitbit is showing you are getting something like 5-7 hours when you only spend 8 in bed. Plus habits are a powerful force. I know you still want to reduce the time you are in bed, but it takes time to turn these things around. Just don't give up!
Don't ever give up! If "being consistent" is your watch word for the new year, and "being timely" is your watch word for Lent, then let "being persistent and constant" be a secondary word for this season. If you fall down, fine. Pick yourself back up and carry on. The Japanese have a proverb that says, "Fall down seven times, get up eight" I know you are tired of backsliding and starting over. SparkPeople has a saying as well, "If you are tired of starting over... QUIT GIVING UP!"
Above all you are a kind, caring, sensitive, intelligent, thoughtful, generous person who deserves to be happy. As much as you care about others, care about yourself. It's okay. You were made Imago Deo, in the image of God, and are infinitely worthwhile. There will never be another person like you, with the same talents, abilities, experiences, personality, and thoughts. That being said you are not alone. If you take a tiny cross-section of what makes you you, you will find others who can relate to that same thing.
Look at your SparkTeam. It is a cross section of two things: a medical condition and a love for SparkPeople. And now there are 65 members, where you wondered if there would be anybody! Although most choose not to post, that is 65 people who mostly share the same condition you have, who are involved in improving their lives and becoming healthier individuals.
Anytime you feel lonely, all you have to do is reach out your hand and there will be help and support for it. I am here if you need me. Just let me know.