Covetous....yes, I am covetous. I have suffered much, drowning in a sea of envy, a deep, gaping hole in my soul yearning for.....
....a new iPhone!
It's a long and somewhat complicated story, one that strikes me at the core of my being.....a love of gadgets!
As many of my Spark buds know, I love working out....and I love gadgets & gizmos; Polar heart rate monitors, Bodymedia armbands, Garmin GPS watches, yadd-yadda-yadda.
When I work out, I am instrumented up like shuttle astronaut
I love to get read outs on all sorts of things, then to come back home, slice it, dice it, plot it...and feast my gaze upon endless charts....yeah, I'm a geek and proud of it!
Well I had a smartphone tragedy 2 weeks ago. I'd had an Otterbox, ultra-protective case on my iPhone 4 for about 2 years, and, on a whim, decided to go for a smaller, thinner shell case.
Bad move....4 weeks after the switch, I dropped the damn thing on my concrete driveway during a particularly blustery morning. CRACK!
So I did some research, hearing the rumors about impending iPhone 5S production lines this summer. I've hung out like a pimply teen at the AT&T store playing at their iPhone 5 display, wondering if I should buy one now or wait.
Then I took a spin class today....and determined....I MUST HAVE ONE!
There I was on my usual bike, pedaling away, when I glanced over at the guy on the bike next to me setting up his iPhone on the handlebars. He nonchalantly pulled up an app that started synching with his heart rate monitor, displaying an instantaneous read out of all his vitals.
Imagine my shock, my horror, my utter humiliation as I stared down at my puny, inadequate polar watch display, quickly covering my cracked iPhone with a sweaty towel (I still kicked this guys' ass in class.....he petered out by the third hill climb 20 minutes into class; "Damn your superior technology!"....have I mentioned I'm a little competitive?)
But I couldn't bear having to go through this technological humiliation again, so I buddied up to him afterwards.
"Hey dude, whatchya got going over there with your display?"
"Oh, this is the Digifit app. It synchs up my iPhone with my Polar Bluetooth HRM"
At this point the humiliation is almost total.....I have 4 Heart Rate Monitors, none of them are Bluetooth!
"Really? Bluetooth huh, and it just synchs up with your iPhone? What's that app again, Digi-what?"
"Digifit. It can synch up with all sorts of devices, but the Polar Bluetooth can synch with your iPhone 5 and the displays on most gym equipment"
Now I'm starting to feel physically ill....I thought about kicking his ass for real!
"iPhone 5 huh? Does it synch up with the 4 at all?"......Throw me a lifeline or something here!
"I don't think so, but you can check Polar's website"
"I think I will, thanks!"
I skulked back to the locker room, my head hanging down in shame as I desperately googled Polar's website on my pathetic excuse for a cell phone. Sure as hell, I'm one generation behind....a Neanderthal in a world of racy, hi-tech Cro-Magnon phones!
So that's that....can there really be any question as to what I must do next? Do I sit and suffer, pedaling away like some extinct ape as less physically capable hominids run circles around me with their technology? Remember, Neanderthals were physically much stronger than us, but we used brains and opposable thumbs to build the tools that drove them the way of the Dodo
It's settled then....my next blog gets posted from a 4G LTE, iPhone 5!
Have a great night Spark friends!