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Neanderthals and iPhones!

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Covetous....yes, I am covetous. I have suffered much, drowning in a sea of envy, a deep, gaping hole in my soul yearning for.....

....a new iPhone!

It's a long and somewhat complicated story, one that strikes me at the core of my being.....a love of gadgets!

As many of my Spark buds know, I love working out....and I love gadgets & gizmos; Polar heart rate monitors, Bodymedia armbands, Garmin GPS watches, yadd-yadda-yadda.

When I work out, I am instrumented up like shuttle astronaut

I love to get read outs on all sorts of things, then to come back home, slice it, dice it, plot it...and feast my gaze upon endless charts....yeah, I'm a geek and proud of it!

Well I had a smartphone tragedy 2 weeks ago. I'd had an Otterbox, ultra-protective case on my iPhone 4 for about 2 years, and, on a whim, decided to go for a smaller, thinner shell case.

Bad move....4 weeks after the switch, I dropped the damn thing on my concrete driveway during a particularly blustery morning. CRACK!

So I did some research, hearing the rumors about impending iPhone 5S production lines this summer. I've hung out like a pimply teen at the AT&T store playing at their iPhone 5 display, wondering if I should buy one now or wait.

Then I took a spin class today....and determined....I MUST HAVE ONE!

There I was on my usual bike, pedaling away, when I glanced over at the guy on the bike next to me setting up his iPhone on the handlebars. He nonchalantly pulled up an app that started synching with his heart rate monitor, displaying an instantaneous read out of all his vitals.

Imagine my shock, my horror, my utter humiliation as I stared down at my puny, inadequate polar watch display, quickly covering my cracked iPhone with a sweaty towel (I still kicked this guys' ass in class.....he petered out by the third hill climb 20 minutes into class; "Damn your superior technology!"....have I mentioned I'm a little competitive?)

But I couldn't bear having to go through this technological humiliation again, so I buddied up to him afterwards.

"Hey dude, whatchya got going over there with your display?"

"Oh, this is the Digifit app. It synchs up my iPhone with my Polar Bluetooth HRM"

At this point the humiliation is almost total.....I have 4 Heart Rate Monitors, none of them are Bluetooth!

"Really? Bluetooth huh, and it just synchs up with your iPhone? What's that app again, Digi-what?"

"Digifit. It can synch up with all sorts of devices, but the Polar Bluetooth can synch with your iPhone 5 and the displays on most gym equipment"

Now I'm starting to feel physically ill....I thought about kicking his ass for real!

"iPhone 5 huh? Does it synch up with the 4 at all?"......Throw me a lifeline or something here!

"I don't think so, but you can check Polar's website"

"I think I will, thanks!"

I skulked back to the locker room, my head hanging down in shame as I desperately googled Polar's website on my pathetic excuse for a cell phone. Sure as hell, I'm one generation behind....a Neanderthal in a world of racy, hi-tech Cro-Magnon phones!

So that's that....can there really be any question as to what I must do next? Do I sit and suffer, pedaling away like some extinct ape as less physically capable hominids run circles around me with their technology? Remember, Neanderthals were physically much stronger than us, but we used brains and opposable thumbs to build the tools that drove them the way of the Dodo

It's settled next blog gets posted from a 4G LTE, iPhone 5!

Have a great night Spark friends!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    OK, I will help you feel better. My work cell phone is a Nokia C2. Tiny screen, no internet, no smart screen, no 3G let alone 4G, no e-mail, no apps, no nothin'. It does send & receive texts but you actually have to push real phone buttons repeatedly to get to the correct letter (and no handy complete the word for you feature).

    It is so 20th century I am beyond humiliated when anyone sees it.
    1815 days ago
    What is super cool is you can get the polar app and use your i5 and polar watch!

    Have fun with it!
    1820 days ago
    Loved the blog. But it reminds me of the saying: The only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys.

    Enjoy the 4G LTE, iPhone 5!
    1820 days ago
  • -DAVE-
    Awesome narrative - I being a geek as well felt your pain just reading it.

    Glad you got (are getting) your fix this weekend?????

    1820 days ago
    Still stuck with a dumb phone... Someday I will upgrade perhaps... Enjoy your new gadgetry!
    1821 days ago
    I made the switch from Android (a Motorola Droid 2) to iPhone5 last month, and I am SOOOO glad I did. Obviously more up to date technology (4G LTE, etc), but I love how it works so seamlessly with my Mac and iPad! I have one of those sleek cases, though, which I like b/c I can just slide it into my front pocket, but wondering if I need to go to the Otterbox? Thankfully I do have an insurance plan in case of a drop...
    1821 days ago
    LOL! Great blog, but I just can't relate at all. I use a Tracfone. It makes phone calls and sends texts. I don't even have the number memorized. When I want my heart rate I press two fingers to the side of my neck.

    1821 days ago
    *snicker* I so know what you mean! I've been coveting the 5 since the day it came out... my 4 is in such great shape, though (despite having been dropped not once but TWICE off the treadmill) that it seems wrong to replace her.

    I love gadgets, though! My new favorite is my Nike+ FuelBand. :)
    1821 days ago
  • BILL60
    Mine will be coming in December. BTW, have you checked out Training Peaks?? It contains oodles of data. I've been a member for 2+ years.
    1821 days ago
    oh my God... this blog is hilarious and you make a great case for your new iPhone! No one can refuse you your new tool after such a blog. You are definitely a gifted story teller and advertiser...
    I wish you a great, hopefully casual, Friday!
    1821 days ago
    ...and then someone else will have phone envy when they look over and see yours (your new iPhone). emoticon emoticon
    1821 days ago
    You crack me up. I love this blog! Enjoy your new toy!
    1821 days ago
  • BOBF15
    How many Spark Points for envy?

    Can you get an app for logging in the calories burned salivating over an iPhone?

    You may be all set on those two.

    Go get 'em tiger. emoticon

    Great blog, loved it. emoticon
    1821 days ago
    Awesome blog - I could sooooooo relate! And now ..... Oh, I just gotta get a 5 or I will die!!!
    1821 days ago
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