Returning! Sort of. Maybe.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
As I usually do, I've tried something for a few days/weeks (in this case, the sleep journal) and it hasn't worked. I'm coming back to it, but have worked out what doesn't work and am working to change it. For me, it's the uniformity of it. It's things like, no, I don't always know how much caffeine I've had and since I usually do my sleep journal in the evening before I turn my computer off, I have to do it in two halves to get the time I go to sleep, so I'm gonna be putting that in the morning journal now. Anyways, it's not really important what I'm changing; just that I'm changing some stuff.
So, rather than the strictly regimented journal I'm gonna do a loser one, covering all the main points. Today was a pretty good day; I relaxed a lot, played some games, got a little housework done but not as much as I would have liked. I've been without money for about a week now and am pretty much just mixing and re-heating leftovers for meals right now, and managed to somehow make myself sick this evening with a completely safe meal. If I sleep poorly tonight, that will DEFINITELY be why! I'm planning a cup of herbal tea with the last of the milk and some TV or Skyrim before bed. It's come to my attention that whilst staring at a screen is a bad way to wind down before bed, it's the method I've utilized since childhood, and my brain associates it with sleep. The number of times I've been unable to sleep unless it's curled up in front of a DVD on the sofa, or watching YouTube on my IPhone in bed, is silly. Last night I fell asleep waiting for a PS3 game screen to load! So rather than ban TV and games from bedtime, I'm going to allow them but monitor the nights I use them and the nights I don't, and see when I sleep better. Just because they help me get to sleep doesn't mean I'm getting good quality sleep, you know? Last night I had a scary-ass dream, for instance. Was that because I slept on the sofa, having fallen asleep in front of the TV? Or a coincidence?
Other stuff that's got me emotional today; I'm going to see granddad on Saturday, which is awesome exciting if slightly stressful 'cause it means I may have to see my dad, too. I have a friend who keeps calling but I'm too ill to chat :-( (I have a cold, and the catarrh build-up in my sinuses is putting pressure on my inner ears, making me almost completely deaf) so I'm having to avoid her which is kinda stressing me out. Also, though it was good fun, I've been watching scary YouTube videos tonight. Actually, the more Skyrim I play the more scary films and games scare me. I love it, but maybe it's not helping my anxiety and stress overall? We'll see.
My appetite has been low and I've had an easy time over-coming my cravings. However, yesterday and today my energy was really low and I had a hard time motivating myself to do things. I've also found myself getting tearful and irritable really easily, but I think that might be time-of-the-month hormonal more than anything else. We'll see.
But yeah, food and drink have been not-too-bad but not great. Lots of choc-nut sandwiches and some cheesy potato-y eggs with vegetables for dinner (which is what made me sick). Drinks have been water and a cup of tea; nothing special there. No alcohol, drugs, smoking or anything freaky. No work-outs either though, sadly.
Nothing much planned for tomorrow, though I do have to work. Well, volunteer. I was meant to be doing tomorrow afternoon and closing up, but it turns out all the other Friday volunteers are off tomorrow for various reasons so I'll be in on my own all day! Meep!
And finally, something else I've wanted to start doing; today, I'm thankful for my awesome-ass boyfriend; even if he doesn't stick around for the rest of all eternity, he's already had a good impact on my life and hopefully whatever the future brings I will continue to be enriched by the influence he's had. However, more than that, I'm thankful for the fact that I can recognize the difference now between a healthy "yes, this is a good person to have in my life" thought and an unhealthy "I NEED this person in my life and will fall apart if they leave me!" thought. Might seem random and strange, but it's a big deal to me.
Something I like about myself is that when I really knuckle down to it and get hard-core with myself, it's totally possible for me to force myself to do just about anything, regardless of how little I actually want to do it.