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I haven't stopped but...

Thursday, February 21, 2013

I am struggling every day. I have found that I break down and cry all the time again and I can feel myself slowly slipping back down into a depression. I have to go to a cheap clinic due to health insurance and they suck there. I have had to be on anti depressants once before long ago and they helped to get me out of my depression and functioning again. The last time I brought it up to my health care professional and I use that term loosely, she told me I just need to get happy. I'm sitting in her office telling her that I can barely get myself to leave the house and I'm crying as I explain that I can't quit crying. She just repeated that I needed to get happy. I pulled myself out of that depression through exercise and friends. Now however I am back to crying again. I am still going to the gym but not like I was.

I think since I lost all the progress I had worked so hard to make that it is really messing with my head. I keep trying to tell myself that it just takes work but it is hard just getting from my car to the dressing room. I read all the great comments from my last blog and just that made me cry. I so appreciate that you all take the time to comment. It always brightens my day. I live in Grays Harbor Washington so we don't get a lot of sun. The vitamin D is something I am going to look into. I don't think it conflicts with any of my other meds but will check with my doctor just in case.

I journal here. For the most part this is where I share all of my thoughts about everything. I also use Facebook but I try to keep it light and not so personal there. It does help. The best part of journaling here that I wouldn't get elsewhere is the feedback I get from all of you. It is heart warming and I can go to your pages and check on you too.

It seems that every time I try to get into shape my body goes into shock or something and I end up in the hospital. On Tuesday my blood pressure shot through the roof. It was 201/121 which is scary high. Still working on bringing it down but it is much better than it was. I have been going easy at the Y just walking slowly and paying attention to my body. No hot tub when I am done...Poop! I am trying to stay positive and keeping up with my friends and social engagements so as not to get to the point where I don't want to leave the house again. I am doing my best to keep moving and in that hope to once again find the motivation. If I can make it through this I can make it through the next time this happens. I am doing my best not to stop. I can succeed as long as I keep trying and don't give up.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sometimes the squeaky wheel...Keep pressing the doctors to treat you properly. I'm sure they don't want a lawsuit for malpractice! Keep doing your exercise and nutrition. It will help physically and emotionally. Talk to your friends (Mary?) and let them help you by letting you vent at the very least...Praying for you...hang in there!
    1826 days ago
    Hon-It's okay to cry. Really, it is. You are beautiful person. You are fine just the way you are.
    1826 days ago
    Oh my. Right off the bat I'd be running as fast as I could to find another health care professional who will meet your needs. You cannot will yourself out of depression! For sure exercise and proper nutrition help, but sometimes you just need a little more than that to feel like yourself again.

    Oh my . . . I hope you called someone about your blood pressure . . . if you didn't you should! It needs to be treated! That's dangerous (and I sense you for sure know that).

    Sending caring adn concern your way.
    1826 days ago
  • HILLSLUG98239
    Dear God. If you went into a clinic with a blood sugar level of 200, no doctor suggest you smile your way through it.

    I was lucky when I was diagnosed: I was in the military, had a supportive boss and access to mental health treatment. I was referred to the mental health clinic by a nurse in the Ob/Gyn department. I had PMS, and we were treating that with vitamin B-6, but she knew something much deeper was going on. The good news is that after a year of therapy and six months on Prozac, I was able to go it alone. I learned a lot during that year, and I know full well that such short treatment is not the norm.

    Keep open those lines of communication with friends in the real world. They'll nudge you out of the house for a walk on a rare sunny February day. And the sunny days, whether real or metaphorical, will come.
    1826 days ago
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