Thursday, February 21, 2013
Here's how the original script is written:
Well, here we go again. I knew you couldn't do it, Colleen. I knew you couldn't lose the weight. I knew you would make poor choices again, that you would put the weight back on, that you would stop exercising. I knew it. You are such a failure. Now you have to re-lose weight and inches you fought to lose last year just to get back to where you were, not to mention making additional progress. Why even bother? Why not sit at home on the couch and just resign yourself to the fact that you're a fat loser?
Stop and shred script. Bury it. Burn it. Whatever.
I have been beating myself up over the last several months over what I have labeled my latest weight loss failure in the hopes that it would somehow magically motivate me to get back on track. I have berated myself for the wasted time. I have compared myself to what I consider to be a better self and found the me of today to be sadly lacking.
Even as I confess all of this in writing and re-read it to make sure I didn't leave out any important things like verbs, I see how utterly ridiculous this way of thinking is. It's irrational and self-defeating. It's also cruel. I would NEVER say those hateful things to another human being.
I'm done with all of that. I am accepting my mistakes, and I am accepting that this journey is unfolding exactly as it should. I am not starting over. I am picking up a favorite book that I lost for a few months, and re-reading a couple of the chapters to remind myself what's going on. I am re-focusing on myself and my goals.