"Be as decent to yourself as you are to others and stop sabotaging your wonderful success."
I've been searching like someone continuously changing the channels (streams of thought) and not being able to lock on to something positive or productive. Yesterday, before I summoned the focus to blog again, I was emotionally paralyzed. Trapped, a Bipolar/ADHD - hypermanic mind at 200 mph, unable to lock on to a positive "station" in my brain. While writing my last blog did help, it wasn't until I read SPATTERS3's comment which included those 16 words above, one sentence. It is a perfectly composed reality check for someone with a brain wired like mine. It was what I needed to hear at the precise moment I needed to hear it.
I was so distracted by life - which kept throwing hurdle after hurdle, crisis on top of crisis that I lost track of taking care of me! Last year at this time I was a limping time-bomb, pushing 350lb, my life became important to me when my blood pressure scare started my fast track to VSG surgery - but that's not enough. God called Mom home January 2007, at that point, I lost my main support system, my best friend, my "Pally." The following five years I was just lost - suicidal, my life had lost it's purpose, I no longer felt connected to the rest of the world. That was then...
Why bring this up? Because I learned from it that we all need positivity, affirmation, and the love and companionship of others which allows us to know for certain, that our lives matter to more than just ourselves. Isn't that what makes us human? A touch, hug, embrace, smile, a long talk with my Dad about stuff he's told me a hundred times before - but I wasn't listening then. Dad, I am listening to you now. I will get to Florida soon...
So from this I have decided that I shall set forth and remind myself of just how far I have come - and all the things that I overcame just so I could be here in this moment to write this blog to you. It often feels that I am just reading what my hands are typing - there's more than me at work here - He's working through me, with me, for me. God has never given up on me, why should I not follow his example?
I'm going to spend the weekend doing things that remind me of just how much has changed in ten short months. My new body, knee, and mindset are still works in progress - but I win every day that I stay in the moment of each gift of today that I have here on earth. I need to remind myself that I wrote this years ago to someone I love very much -
"You are the birth in every sunrise and the peace in every dawn."
I'm going to repeat this in my mind over and over, but this time, I will be speaking to myself." Give yourself some credit "Sprink" - your life matters to more people than you will ever know..... The real lesson here is that what we do, how we honestly share our journeys - allows us to see for ourselves just how much we matter to others. How much a few words, one sentence, or even ten paragraphs can change so much...for so many... Re-read comments people have left you on your blogs, toot your own horn for a change, re-affirm your place in the world, and learn something about yourself in the process.
I can be this happy again -