Thursday, February 21, 2013
Last night was horrible for me. See, I get this pain in my upper back sometimes, haven't been able to pinpoint exactly what causes it or why it comes when it does. It can feel like anything from a dull ache in my shoulder blades to one that gives me problems when I breathe deeply, to the feeling that all the air in my body is trapped in a cubed foot of space in my chest. Last night's pain was pretty much the first one. I felt it coming on about 10, so I took a Zantac, which sometimes helps. I also burp a lot, and it often feels like if I could only vomit things would be better. (I haven't resorted to that.) By the time i went to bed at 11:30, the pain was pretty bad. I was stretching and took some Pepto, and a few ibuprofen. Used to be I would take a Tramadol when it got bad, but I don't have any. Before anyone pops up with the great idea to go to the ER and get my heart checked, I have had these pains off and on for about 21 years - had the first when I was pregnant with my daughter - and I have visited doctors and ERs several times, just to get the pain relieved. It's been diagnosed as seems like everything from GERD to stress to angina... no 2 doctors have had the same diagnosis. I have had EKGs, EEGs, MRIs... nothing shows any problem with my heart. Now I have been dealing with a lot of stress lately, as my previous posts have attested to. And last night I did have some spicy meat for lunch, followed by northern beans for dinner, with about 1/4 cup of gelato later on when I got home. When I had these pains Monday (this is unusual for me to have the pains so close together - it's been months since the last one), I had eaten Mexican with my mom and then finished stuffing myself on cheese dip after I got home. So I am inclined to believe that 4 major factors have played a role: 1) stress, 2) spicy food, 3) overeating, and 4) eating too late in the day. My back is still a bit tight, but something that helped the feeling quite a bit was yogurt for breakfast.
Then we have the emotional pain of the disappointments I've experienced lately. Breaking up with the ex, not being able to follow through with my plans to move, dealing with the financial frustrations. And there are also spiritual pains as I grow increasingly discontented with my church and the direction it is taking. My attitude there really needs work, but I am trying to figure out if my attitude causes the discontent or the discontent causes the attitude. Maybe it is just time to leave and see what else there is out there.
I am making a grocery list. I need to find easy recipes for 1 or 2 so that I can control my eating better. Honestly, sometimes, I have no self control. Not when it comes to food or spending money or even housework. It can be depressing. The one thing I love to do is laundry. That's part of why I didn't mind doing about a dozen loads of laundry while I was with my daughter this past weekend. I wish I had a clothesline out here, but today I am making do with the fence along my driveway and the one that foes up my front stoop. Which is good, because my washing machine sucks. The spin cycle needs me to do the spinning half the time. Have to take advantage of sunny days.
So today, I am making the grocery list, may make a run later to buy some more yogurt and a couple of things, and I am going to try to get some of my office cleaned up, tossed, and packed. Hopefully I will follow through.