Thursday, February 21, 2013
I am having a bit of a rough patch. I have been feeling better for about 2 weeks now. I have less bills, and more time to do the things I need to do. I have more time then I have had in a long long time. But I haven't been doing jack. My boyfriend told me he is upset because I haven't been working out. At first this upset me. Like, you don't love me the way I am??? But I realized it was his way of letting me know I'm off track. He doesn't care but he know I care. He knows that I am unhappy with my body. I am also a lot nicer to him when I work out. I'm happier and not tired.... So what the heck is up? I know all the benefits and I know why I should do it but I don't. I just sit in bed. I don't go food shopping.
I have been giving in to all my cravings. Just eating til no end. Whatever whenever I want. I don't want to do this to myself and my body. My heartburn and IBS have been worse then they have been in a long long time. I know the food I should be eating. I spent money on that TapouT workout. I have no excuses... so why aren't I doing anything???
I haven't stepped on the scale since 2/6. And I am terrified. I don't want to step on that scale. I don't want to have gained back the 6 pounds I lost. I don't want to measure I want to be in denial. But its eating at me. I can't do this to myself. I know that putting these words in writing and then rereading this blog will help me push on. I just need a little help.