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Dear Eda,

Thursday, February 21, 2013

I finally have cleared some time on my schedule to blog ... Pay no attention to the fact it is 3:07 am and I should be sleeping! Who needs sleep anyways???!!! emoticon I am actually kind of thankful to have some quiet, uninterrupted time to lay out some things that have been rattling around in my head.

I'm about 2 1/2 weeks from another birthday and birthdays are special to me. During the weeks before and after my birthday, I spend time thinking about past birthdays and where the different cycles of my life have led me. I think about what I had set out to accomplish "before my next one" and the things that I do ... or don't. One of the things that was on my list since my last birthday was to see my "goal weight" on the scale ... even if it was just once ... but that's not going to happen ... and surprisingly enough --- I AM NOT EVEN UPSET ABOUT IT! emoticon I've spent time this month really thinking about my body ... my new body ... and processing why I don't love my physical body even with all the hard work I've put into it. So here's my letter to myself:

The reasons I don't love my body:

1. The scale doesn't say what I want it to say.

2. Every magazine I pick up - fitness, nutrition or otherwise - always portrays "healthy" as thin ... usually very thin ....

3. I have focused all of my "mirror time" on 1 or 2 areas of attention on my body ... my keester and my tummy.

4. I see myself as FAT and blonde in my mind's eye still, no matter what the mirror says to me.

So here's what I say to myself in response to these "reasons" that I "can't" love my body:

1. The scale has been an anchor around your neck since you joined the Army in 1984. In a very short time, your weight became a measure of whether the Army "wanted" you or not. The scale has never and will never be a true measure of who you are, physically or mentally. As you continue to do more strength training, it is quite possible that the "goal weight" you set will never be something you read in flashing red numbers .... However, your new compact and strong body is something that you can continue to sculpt, continue to strengthen and learn to love. Your shape is changing every week now ... Grab onto to the new "strong" you and dump that stupid scale!

2. Advertisements are meant to be enticing ... persuasive ... tantalizing ... and the people who are in those photo shoots work out WAY harder than you and usually that is their line of work. If you had all day long to work out, you'd look alot different too. I think that juggling a full time + stressful career, marriage, being a mom, being a great friend and a caretaker for your mother is pretty admirable. It's a full plate ... You make time to squeeze in between 7-8 hours of working out every single week. Pretty much ... that rocks! PLUS you have done a great job of transitioning to eating very clean! That takes hours of prep to make your week GREAT!

3. Here's the deal, girl. You were blessed with an hour glass shape whether you like it or not. You are never going to be willowy, never going to look statuesque and never going to be tall. You are changing the shape of your body with weight training and cardio ... it will take time ... and it will take a continued commitment to stay at a certain level of fitness when you finally get where you think you "need" to be ... but in truth, WOW ... give yourself a break! So what that you don't have a little tiny keester??? So what that your tummy isn't flat??? After not exercising for years, eating terribly, birthing two babies and having multiple abdominal surgeries, frankly, you look pretty good for the wear and tear now that you've got your head on straight and you've figured out what you DON't want in your future! You are getting biceps, you've found your triceps and your calves look phenomenal! Change your focus from the negatives to the positives!

4. The crazy lady who lives in your head and your inner 4 year old who lives in your body both need to be cast out ... completely! You are not FAT because your scale hasn't read the "magic number" and you aren't worthless because you don't wear a single digit size. You are actually in the most stable condition in your life RIGHT NOW, physically, mentally and spiritually, that you've EVER been in. Grasp happiness with both hands and HANG ON! Don't let the ghost of your past failures, mistakes and laziness clutter up what your journey is or what this LIFE is about.

In closing I'd like to remind you that the past TWO DAYS in a row you have received completely unexpected compliments from old friends you haven't seen in YEARS! The praise was like sweet honey and should be enough to counter those little nagging fears that continue to ride on your shoulder .... Rest in the fact that you are enough ... right now ... today ... and keep moving towards the true goal ... to be healthy, happy and enjoy the second act of your life!

You can't change one thing about the past ... but you are in charge of the future. Keep going ... you can do this!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SHARON10002
    This was superb, Eda!!!! DarleneK04 typed my message -exactly to the letter!!!! Everyone I see on TV and in magazines keeps getting thinner and thinner - and- the camera adds 10 pounds! Can you spell A-N-O-R-E-X-I-C? And yes, they are all airbrushed! Throw that scale out the window! 2 compliments in 2 days - c'mon - the universe is shouting to you trying to get your attention!
    1794 days ago
  • LUV2RUN72
    You are fabulous! emoticon
    1794 days ago
    YO BEAMS BABY...................

    In response to #2 specifically................you really should give yourself a break.

    #1 reason all those girls look like they do, is called AIRBRUSHING......no matter
    how they really look, the mags always airbrush imagined flaws.

    Seriously, if you were 6 foot tall, you would be trying to gain weight....these
    girls live on lettuce and diet soda....how healthy is that???????????????

    You are making changes in your body and physique that will last you a lifetime
    thru...........and I also need to point out that muscle mass weighs more than
    fat does......

    I think you are doing SUPERBLY.............so you look in the mirror and tell
    the woman you see there, that you are taking care of her physically and
    mentally...........and she will love you for that........

    As for the sleep, well, give it time and you will work it out........in the meantime,
    you might need a little nap now and then.....but as long as you feel good, don't
    worry over it too much. They say that sleep problems are highly prevalent in the
    US.....think of the mental overload we have?????????????????????

    1795 days ago
    I am so sad that we women are so influenced by society's messages that we aren't "good enough" if we aren't a size zero.

    You can bet MEN don't feel "less than" because they don't meet a certain physical standard!

    You are in a great place right now...let go of the negative messages and revel in your strength, both physical and mental! You've earned it!
    1795 days ago
    Awesome letter! It's like editing a grade "B" film getting rid of that loop of negative film that keeps playing in the head! I have to do that too. It really does take time mentally to process the physical changes you've made, but ultimately the BEST gauge is that you are HEALTHIER. Nothing else is as important. So, hang your hat on that.

    And early happy Birthday! A fellow Pisces! Mine is on the 24th. UGH. Almost closing out yet another decade! But in my head I feel 21! BWAHAHAHAHA
    1795 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1796 days ago
    Dear Eda,

    Great way to address your inner voices! Honestly and with logic. emoticon

    Your fan,
    - Barb
    1796 days ago
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