Excuses. Negative talk. Beating myself up. Setting myself up for failure. Those are the things I am tired of!
Thanks to everyone who commented on my last blog and gave me some insight and thoughts.
I've been thinking and planning. I don't CARE how much weight I lose before I get to go on vacation. BUT -- that does not give me permission to slack off and forget what my goals are. I sat down with a clean notebook and made entries for each day, with my goals for the day, such as how many steps I wanted to log, what that day's exercise would be, spaces to check off my water, the exercise, whether or not I had soda (which my goal is to NOT), and a place to write down my thoughts once the day is done.
I decided that when I reach a 20 pound loss, I will get myself a new outfit. 30 pounds loss will get a new hair-do. I have not decided 40 and 50 yet. I will reach my goal weight, and actually I don't know what that number is going to be. I have a rough idea in my head, but I'm not going to pin my hopes on a specific number. When I'm happy with my weight and how I look and am in a HEALTHY range, I'll know where to stop. THAT will be my magic number. THAT prize I do have to think about. Of course new clothes will be in order, but that's kind of a given. You can't lose that many pounds without needing something new to wear.
Looking at my notebook today I am incredibly happy. I had a good day. There were some flaws, but I don't really need perfection. Asking for perfection of myself is how I set myself up for failure. I reached my goal for steps, I also reached my goal for exercise, water, no soda, and tracked all my food and stayed within my nutrition ranges for the day. I did not climb the number of stairs I had written in. I did not eat breakfast this morning.
I still feel incredibly proud of the efforts I made today and the successes that I had. I went to the grocery store without my list. That could have been a disaster. It wasn't. I wanted something sweet. I wanted something like a gooey brownie. Instead I tried those Newton's crisps. I had the cherry vanilla and they were pretty good. After I had the cookie and a glass of chocolate milk made with FF milk, I was happy. I didn't want anything else.
I made a healthy dinner and was done.
Victories. Each small victory is going to lead me to my magic number. It's going to lead me to my goals. I did not concentrate today on what I could NOT have. I didn't obsess, I didn't worry. I just did it. When I wanted that brownie (and in the past I would have had some in the oven in record time...) I told myself that I didn't eat that anymore. I said it with authority and sincerity and I believed me. I said, "you don't eat that anymore, but you can have this Newton's cookie if you want. It fits into your plan." And I did.
I'm tired of letting the weeks, months and years go by with me never getting any closer to my goals. I refuse to go in circles anymore. I'm hopping off the merry go round and doing something about it!
I also don't expect change overnight. I expect that life is going to throw me curves and that sometimes I'm NOT going to say no to the brownies. I'm okay with that too. As long as I keep my eyes on my goal and have a solid plan, nothing is going to derail me for long. I'm going to get there.