Wednesday, February 20, 2013
I don't really feel like being all philosophical and digging deep right now, but I do have something on my mind, and I find it only fitting to write about it today since I am finally down 90 lbs since I started this journey about 14 months ago.
I have had A LOT of people tell me that I don't need to lose anymore weight, but it is starting to get on my nerves because I DO need to! A coworker said that I'd be too thin if I lose the 10 or so more pounds that I plan on, but I don't believe her. A healthy BMI for me is 136, just 5 pounds a way. Now don't get me started about BMI, I don't believe in it as a sole indication of a healthy weight. I do view it as a good resource though. BMI does NOT take into account muscle and body type so when doctors/goals rely only on it, I get annoyed. Anyways, I feel like I'm using it as an "excuse" (is that the right word?) to let these people know that yes, I do have more weight to lose because based off of BMI, I'm still considered overweight.
I remember reading a blog a long time ago by someone who had a similar situation. People kept telling her that she didn't need to lose anymore weight but she kept saying that she did. I remember that it made me reflect because I am one of those people who tell my friends "look, you do NOT need to lose anymore weight, you're gorgeous the way you are!". But that made me realize - hey, I'm only saying that because I'd be SO happy if I had their body, it's out of jealousy, I realized, that I told people that. Because of that, I've stopped telling people in that way, I simply say something like "hmph, I'd kill to have your body". But now that I'm in the blog-writers situation I understand the frustration. I'm getting SO annoyed with people telling me that I don't need to lose anymore. Of course, the people telling me are "old" people (let's face it, older people view body image completely differently than the younger generation). But now I'm starting to get people my age to tell me that. It's strange. I tell people that because I'm jealous of their body - are there really people who are jealous of my own?? That shocks me. Of course, their reasonings may not be the same as my own; however, I do wonder.
But I really don't understand why people are telling me that I don't need to lose anymore. Can they not see the rolls of fat that are still present on my stomach? Can they not see that my belly button is still not visible? Can they not see that I still have that hideous pouch? My goal is to have a flat stomach. I don't care if there is fat on that stomach, I just want it flat. I want the roll of fat that hangs over my belly button to disappear (as it is often responsible for the dreaded muffin top) and I want the pouch right underneath it to go away (just because it is unpleasant). I would also love if my thighs were a little bit, ok, a lot, smaller. But other than that, I'm happy with where I am. I just have to get rid of those problem areas, which I think losing another 15-20 lbs will do. Heck, it would be GREAT to lose 25 lbs to get down to 115, just to say that I've lost more than what I weigh, to say that I've lost half of me. But is 115 really maintainable for me? I have no idea. Maybe 115 is my body type's ideal weight. I don't know. I'll just have to see.
Everyone's body type is different and that's why I hate not knowing the exact amount that I still want to lose. I have a friend who is my height and she looks GREAT at 145 (she says she needs to lose 15 lbs, I don't think so at all). I have another friend my height who looks fantastic, yet she weighs around 125 (she looked great at 135 as well!). But me? I doubt I'll even look as good as my friend did at 135. I can only hope that 125 will be more suited for me. Yes, I understand that the pouch may stay as excess skin, but right now, it's still fat. But I can tell that it is getting smaller! I can tell that the roll is starting to disappear, it just takes time. I even saw a curve around my hips that I've never seen before today! I'm starting to lose that pouch and it will completely go away. That will just include more weight loss and doing what I'm doing - and simply ignoring all those people who are telling me that I don't need to lose anymore.