Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Oh my.........where to start. This weekend was fun, that is a good start. Too much fun! My boss had a birthday party for her daughter, 15th, which is a big deal for the Mexican culture. They are having an even bigger party for this birthday in a few months. I had fun, but there was food, that I was unable to resist, and lots of it, and alcohol, oh........wine, so good, so bad. I really had a great time. But, with a little pre-thought, I could have avoided the 6(!!!) pound gain that met me come Monday morning! Wow, I didn't even know I could gain 6 pounds in two days. So, I am still doing my FFL eating plan, this week, and actually dropped 4 pounds in these last couple of days.....yes I weigh everyday. I know, I know, but I have to. I'm glad the whole 6 pounds didn't stick, but now I'm still 3 pounds away from being at pre-Christmas weight, and I really hoped I'd be below that after this week. Ahhhhhhh, eating, why must you be so addicting to me!!! So, I have hope that things will continue to move in the right direction, and I'm so thankful I have a plan to follow that I like, but of course, it never moves fast enough for me!
Exercise. Hmmmm, well after my 8 mile excursion on the 5th, and the soreness that came the week after, I have been quite lethargic. The weather has been chilly, wet and all around univiting for outside exercise. I MUST get myself back into the swing of daily fit mins ASAP. My eating "experiment" is still of high importance on my list of musts (must find and eat and stick to healthy meal plans), but I really need to not slack on my water and exercise.
I'm glad that I am not giving up on myself, but I really must admit, I am quite frustrated at how HARD it is to be fully committed to a truly healthy lifestyle the majority of my days. Some people it seems to come naturally to. And at one time in my life I was one of those people. But any change in weather, emotions, life just seems to send me carreening over the edge into unhealthy craving, eating, lethargy and overall depressing and energy zapping actions. It is a vicious spiral, and I see myself doing it, I just have not achieved the strength it takes to stop it. Atleast the 6 pound gain this weekend didn't turn into a 30 pound 3 month binger...........which has happened in my life, multiple times.
So, the goal is in sight.......my mini goal right now is to see 240. I have been in the 250-260's for about 4 years now. If I can drop into the 240's, I will feel that I have finally made some changes that might just lead for real success. That is only 9 pounds. I know 9 pounds doesn't seem like that much, really, but it is the most stubborn 9 pounds!!!!
On the bright side. Tim got a job. He starts Tuesday. I'm a little scared that this one will keep him from home more than I like. But, in reality, it is really nice that we will be able to pay our bills and eat.............which are always nice things to do.
OMG!!!!! I took a lunch break from starting this blog unti now......and you would think spending time on here, thinking about my weight loss woes would have lead to a nice healthy lunch??? Think again. Well the lunch was healthy, tomatoe, avocado and sprouts sandwich on whole wheat. But the bread was so good I had a piece with butter.............then I saw my husband's stash of Samoa cookies, ate 4 of those then went to the Lemon Cooler and had two of those. Why? Do I have a weight loss disability? Is it all just low self control??? Yes, but why?? The mystery of all mysteries. Do I want to be fat? Is this why I sabotage myself on a weekly basis? I know what to do, I know how to do it, then BAM, I don't do it. I used to blame anything and everything, except myself, on my weight. I blamed my "slow metabolism", my medication............you name it. Then when I found SP I was hit face to face with the real problem, ME! Now, nearly a year and a half after finding SP, I am still battling myself, daily, with no lasting results, when I do put in the concentrated effort! Exhausting I tell you, completely exhausting. But I won't give up, ever! I can't, I will fight this beast till the day I die. I just can't begin to imagine accepting the situation without attempting to remedy it. But I must admit, banging my head against the wall, and not making any dents is getting really discouraging. Sheesh. Maybe dinner will be better???
OK, well, a little ranty, honest, and just how it is. I hope you are all having a good week, finding your spark any and every way you can. (LOL, re-reading this makes me laugh, and say "yes, I really am bi-polar"........as if I ever had any doubts!! Silly me!)