I should have picked a better time to ditch the mood drugs.

I was hoping for another health "miracle", like the magically disappearing hypertension when I went off Efexor. I was hoping that weight would start dropping off my poor bod.

It's SO HARD to do the right thing every day, weigh and measure food, stick to a certain calorie count, be as active as possible....and see no rewards in the shape of weight loss.

This is just not the right time and right frame of brain to think about what happens if treatment for this still-undiagnosed autoimmune problem means that I won't ever lose weight. Pessimism much? Doesn't help that the doc's office hasn't called yet to book an appointment.

Yesterday I deviated from the normal fat and protein heavy breakfast I usually have, and I made gluten-free pancakes. Delicious, but it set off a binge day that I haven't dealt with since Jan 1st. I ate not-healthy-for-me cereal (contains wheat), fresh bread (ditto) and chocolate cake. I logged it all, and I know there was not 935 calories in the small piece of cake but that's what came up in Fitbit's food search since Sparkpeople was down for maintenance when I logged my debauchery. Today I am paying - rings are uncomfortably tight on my finger and I'm not even gonna look at the belly in the mirror.

So please....if you see my Big Girl Panties, suggest they come on home. I need 'em. I don't even care if you've borrowed 'em, just give them a trip through the wash and bring 'em back!