Wednesday, February 20, 2013
I've been thinking a lot lately about commitment. I haven't been committed to exercise. Or eating healthful foods. (Last night, in a food-induced haze, I ate a bag of Lay's potato chips that contained 3 servings. And I ate all 3.)
I've been floating along, thinking that everything was just fine, thinking that eventually I would "get back on the wagon," "re-commit to a healthy lifestyle," "start exercising regularly," and "stop eating junk" and that it didn't matter what I did in the here and now because there's always tomorrow.
I've been trying to lose (at times more successfully than others) weight for a little over three years, which is when I joined SparkPeople. I lost 50 pounds in the course of year, but since then have had trouble losing more than that. I've gained 15 back, lost it, gained 10 back and lost it, gained a couple pounds, lost a few more.
For the past few months, I've managed to, at the very least, maintain my weight in the 165-175 lb, range. I know that's a large range, but I'm actually proud that I've been able to stick to that lately, especially since I don't feel like I have much to be proud about.
I keep wondering how many times I'll go through the same song-and-dance with committing to a healthy lifestyle. I know that everyone has ups-and-downs, but my problem has stopped being minor "slip-ups" and has morphed into something wicked that I'm convinced I'll never break out of. How many times will I have to re-commit to finally just get it?
I'm not calling what I'm doing right now a re-commitment. But I do plan to hold myself more accountable for my actions. What helps me the most is doing just what I'm doing right now. Putting everything out there for the world to see. For you to see.
I've forgotten how important baby-steps are. I have to re-learn what I have learned. (Did Yoda say that?)