I just don't know what to do anymore....I've been trying to practice some self-discipline and make healthier choices and workout more so I can lose several pounds before my son's 1st birthday. I keep getting these huge speed bumps thrown in my way and it's just wearing me down.
First, we've begun having family drama with my husband and his 2 sisters. His mom has been diagnosed with early stage dementia and is starting to decline. They can't seem to agree and things are not going well. It's very stressful.
Second, I have a full-time job and then I have a part-time job I do at home on the computer. That has been picking up quite a bit (which is good and bad). It's left me very little time to breathe much less exercise. But the money is necessary. Yesterday, though, I got told I might have to start sharing my duties b/c I can't do anything during the day while I'm at my FT job, so now my hours will be cut, hopefully not too much, though. That way, I might have time to breate and exercise, but we won't be making the $.
Third, my husband hasn't been having full weeks lately at work. It's really hurting us.
I'm just exhausted
I just don't know how to get out of this. I know this stuff with his sisters is going to last quite a while, most likely. It's just so frustrating and depressing. All I want right now is to get myself on a schedule that I'm able to stick to that doesn't kill me at the same time. I'm a very structured person and I crave routine. If I'm trying to do something, ie: make a workout schedule, if I can't stick to it, I get frustrated and start to give up. I haven't had time to figure out what healthy snacks to bring to work. I know that one is probably an excuse, but the structure goes along with this as well in that I want to sit down and plan what I want, where to get it, how to make it/package it, and if I don't get a chance to do that, I just don't do it. The only thing I've really stuck to is no soda. I haven't had a soda since Jan.1....Lately, though, I'm losing so much oomph, I'm ready to just pour a 2 liter down my mouth
I'm so unhappy with myself and my body right now. I'm not one of those moms who are proud of the changes in their body since having a baby. I think I might be too vain for that....ha....But I really want to have my son's 1st bday party in May and look great or just better than I do now. I think the image I have for myself is unattainable, which is my other problem. I just don't think I'm in a good place right now and it's really upsetting....Honestly, I just want to go back to high school or college where things were so much easier. I just want a do-over to some extent...Oh well....
Thanks for reading