I gained this week. Not much but enough to do away with the loss I had last week. I spent a lot of energy last week avoiding my 2.5 mile runs that was required of couch 25K. That was not where my energy needed to go. I have been struggling with my attitude in general. I feel like I am getting a big look at myself and I don;t like what I see. I want to be loving regardless of how I am treated and I have been loved so much and yet, I still see the worst responses. I am meaning this specifically in regards to my kids. I mean they are kids...teenagers, pre-teens? I know that they are just acting out of their own hormones and misguided ideas. Why do I let them decide how I will act...I want to respond not react. But most of my life I have reacted. I have thought you are not gonna treat me like that...I'm badder than you...I'll show you...I am not taking that off you...but how can I expect maturity out of my kids when their mama is still pretty stunted in this area of growth. I'm feeling powerless to change and frustrated that this is still such an area of struggle. Sometimes it feels like I act no better than them and what's that? It's not that time of the month, but I swear my emotions are just ready to cry...really..I just want to cry