Wednesday, February 20, 2013
MOONBIRD's blog today made me think, and brought up something that I think needs addressed: There is nothing wrong with loving yourself.
You heard me: just because you love your body, or you love your personality, or you love your hair, or you love yourself, you are not vain.
Vanity (from dictionary.com)
1. excessive pride in one's appearance, qualities, abilities, achievements, etc.; character or quality of being vain; conceit: Failure to be elected was a great blow to his vanity.
2. an instance or display of this quality or feeling.
3. something about which one is vain.
4. lack of real value; hollowness; worthlessness: the vanity of a selfish life.
5. something worthless, trivial, or pointless.
Lately it seems that self-love, self esteem and vanity have all been tied up together, creating a paradox: we all want our children to have high self-esteem and have faith in their own abilities, but heaven help them if they are vain. And no one really knows where the line is, whether you're self-confident or narcissistic. We train our children culturally that they shouldn't "think they're all that", but we have self esteem boosting presentations. Where's the line?
Heck, I'm pretty confident most of the time, but I find myself saying "Not to sound conceited, but..." before proclaiming my own achievements. Really? I'm proud of myself. I'm a good-looking woman who has worked hard to become as strong as I am. I'm highly intelligent and I have educated myself to the best of my ability. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO APOLOGIZE?
I don't know how it is across the pond(s) but the puritanical hatred of pride seems to be one of the most ingrained philosophies of North American culture. One of my most hated songs right now is "You don't know you're beautiful" by One Direction. It is the epitome of what is wrong with society. The chorus says, in all it's glory, "You don't know you're beautiful, and that's what makes you beautiful". REALLY? REALLY? So if she was self-confident, you'd find her less attractive? What does that say about you? That you want the power in the relationship? Or does knowing that you're beautiful automatically mean that you're a b*tch? No, it doesn't.
So many people talk about wanting to love themselves. And why not? If you don't respect yourself, or care what happens to you, it's really hard to overcome bad habits and become healthy. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH LOVING YOURSELF.
I keep sitting back and looking at the Boy, thinking "he's so awesome: is this going to work? Do I really deserve this much..." and then I sit back and realize that I'm pretty extra-ordinary myself. And I just had to sit there for 10 seconds and fight not to add "Not to sound conceited" to that sentence. I know that I'm an unusual woman. I *do* a lot. I'm a fabulous singer, I have glorious amounts of hair, I (now) look fabulous naked, I learn quickly, I love languages, I'm adaptable, I'm constantly improving myself. These are things I don't run around telling absolute strangers, but they're part of what makes me me. Is there really any reason NOT to be proud of my accomplishments? No. Hubris would be bad (I'm SO totally not god-like), but pride? Nothing wrong with that.
So go out and be happy with who you are. Share your accomplishments, and not just ones related to weight-loss: there is no one here that I've found yet with no accomplishments. Some have jobs they love, some have recently abandoned jobs they hated and gone on to something they loved. Some take glorious photographs, some run marathons! Some have a brilliant relationship with their families, friends, and some have beautiful children. You don't have to be losing weight to love yourself, but you have to like yourself to maintain weight loss. Something inside of you is worth the love and respect of you and everyone else.
I'm awesome. Today, I refuse to apologise for that.
Find your awesome and love it. No apologies necessary.