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the dark alley

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

i once read a book that began with the scenario of finding yourself in a strange dark alley with no one else around. it encouraged one to acknowledge the emotions one might have being in such a situation and also have a plan for those emotions as well as anything other things that one would imagine - good or bad.
the basis of the book was to encourage a person to look inside themselves; see and feel what was inside there and at some point, choose to come out of the dark alley back into the daylight (reality).
it was a striking book, and i remember that it made a difference in my life (why didn't i just purchase it then? dunno me, but now i can't remember what the title was or even the author).
last week was a dark alley. heck it was dark valley that seemed to stretch to infinity and once i again i met myself there. i didn't enjoy it. i hate being alone, yet even as much as people are around and encouraging and helpful, one still has to complete life's journey on their own. there i was alone.
alone with physical pain, that turn into emotional pain, and the darkness. even yesterday i was plagued with just giving up, wanting to be done with the pain, the exercises, the endless being dependent on people to do things for me - clean my space, do my laundry (it's on another floor)...things that i would like to do for me, things that say "i'm independent". but alas, no...
what did i find in the dark alley - me; and all my insecurities (there are fewer than last dark alley experience) and all my wants, wishes and desires; all my grumpiness...but i had to say that i wasn't alone. i felt bad for snapping at my partner, who was so kind and gentle and running hither and yon for me; i had people texting and emailing, and visiting...that is what drew me out of the dark alley. the light of their lives and their ability to see things that i sure couldn't in the darkness. i clung to them, and forced myself to go forward. the way is now lighter, and i can once again see some future.
the challenge today was to visualize ending the day and looking back on the good choices that were made today. i can't wait for the end of the day, i am needing to visualize the good choices all the way along today. with each step i take, i will need the light of my friends at spark people, and the things that i have learned through the community, blogs, postings, books i have read, things people have told me just to ensure that i choose health and not a quick fix to dull any pain that may be present in my life.
i can choose to make this just a dark alley versus a dark valley.
in the end - i choose a warm meadow, sunlight streaming down upon me, the fragrance of grass, flowers and clear blue sky as i run that sprint triathlon that i have planned once i recover...spring and new life is just around the corner.
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