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Letting the Bouncing Thoughts Out of the Brain

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

I have a few thoughts bouncing around in my head –figured I’d get them out!

1) I have to accept the fact that weight is probably always going to be a concern for me. Being hypothyroid and all that jazz – it isn’t going to be easy for me to lose or keep off weight. I will have to be mindful of it always. I know I have days where I get frustrated with that but I think the sooner I learn to get over it, the better. Everyone has their own set of challenges in life and being hypothyroid is just one of mine. It could be worse. I’m not trying to make excuses like “oh boo hoo, I’m hypothyroid, I’ll never lose weight” – I’m just using it to keep a reality check going of why the weight may not melt off or stay off like it does for other people.

2) My brain is not wired “right” for food. I was raised by two parents who didn’t believe in cooking at home. Both struggled with their weight my entire life but never really addressed it. I remember being at the doctors around age nine where the doctor told my mom to be mindful of what I ate because I was gaining weight and she took me immediately to get fast food after the appointment. Years and years of food just appearing at restaurants, no attention to portion size, no attention to fiber/fat/protein/carb ratios, no attention to eating habits AT ALL has really ingrained itself in my head. I have had to teach myself A LOT about food and I have had to do a ton of eye opening research, and even then, I still have that little voice that says “Go get fried fast food! It is easy and tastes great!” My relationship with food seems different than people around me. I often wonder if people think about it as much as I do, do they feel like it has a voice of its own and have to talk it down, do they deal with cravings and emotions like I do? I feel like my brain battles with food a lot more than other people’s do!

3) I need to learn when my body is hungry or not hungry. I swear I have a broken “hunger system” or something. I know that the meds I was on definitely challenged me as I was hungry ALL of the time, even twenty minutes after I just ate a big meal and I would be like “I seriously CAN’T be hungry, I JUST ATE” kind of thing. But now it seems like I can’t sense when I’m truly full, or I wait and get super hungry all at once so that I can’t stop myself from eating everything in sight. I know boredom and stress trigger “fake” hunger for me, but I have such a hard time identifying that in the moment while I have my hand in a bag of snacks.

4) I didn’t give anything up for lent this year. The past two years I have gone fried food free. I’m not doing it this year because my cravings have come back each time and I’m learning it isn’t good to avoid a whole group of foods 100% of the time. I need to learn to manage those foods and not feel so guilty for indulging once in a while. I need to learn balance. The all-or-nothing approach led to a lot of mental issues in the past where I have had total breakdowns over food – and that is not okay. Instead, I am working on incorporating more exercise, trying to make better choices, and trying to arm myself with more knowledge to help me make those better decisions.

Getting back to the gym this week has really been a great thing. I go home at night and know that I have been SO good all day eating right and working out and it makes me less likely to tear it all down with a junk dinner. Doing the gym in the morning or during the day is helping me avoid the “I’m so tired after work/I had to work late so I’m skipping the gym” issues. I’m also feeling like I have more time at night to get stuff done at home and focus on my mental exercises as well. This new job is DEFINITELY helping with the easier commute, less/flexible hours, gym on campus, and positive atmosphere. I have been totally sucked in to the work pedometer and watching my steps go up!

Anyways, those are a few of the things bouncing around the old broom closet this week. And I am sooooo ready for spring. My skin is ridiculously dry, I am freezing all of the time, and I want to get moving outside again! Who is with me?!?!?!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    There is a blog "Every Woman Has an Eating Disorder" that contends that all (most) women in modern society are fixated on food / appearance / something. While I don't think it's strictly true, it raises a good point that a LOT of people have an unhealthy relationship with eating or their bodies.

    I personally think about food A LOT if I don't keep my mind preoccupied with other things (like math, guitar, or teaching responsibilities). It's probably a symptom of my OCD tendencies. Meh.
    1848 days ago
    I too grew up with parents who didn't do much cooking. We ate like crap all the time. I remember the Dr telling my mom I was too fat. Everyone in my family was overweight, except my brother. He's one of those lucky people who can eat like a pig and never gain weight. I also wonder how other people think of food, and I wonder if I'll ever be "normal" when it comes to how I think about it. I could literally eat all the time (and I did) and it scares me how easily I could gain back the weight I lost. You're gonna do great with your new mindset. Just find ways every day to focus on your health and realize it's ok sometimes to eat something that isn't health food. Moderation is hard, but with practice we can do it. emoticon
    1852 days ago
    glad your new job is going good.
    1853 days ago
    Sounds like the new job is a great place for you and it gave you back your spirit and vibe!
    It's always better to write down your thoughts. Thumbs up for all your effort and the changes in your life!
    emoticon emoticon
    1853 days ago
    I can totally understand number 1. As I've mentioned before I dealt with bulimia for 6 years. Now, I have the remnents of binge eating still hanging around. I know for the rest of my life I will just have to be vigilant with food and the way I eat. My husband is in recovery from drugs and alcohol. I told him that his recovery is a bit easier than mine because he NEVER EVER has to face drugs or alcohol ever again. But with over-eating, anorexia, binge eating, or bulimia the very demon that you fought with you have to face everyday. I have to eat to live I can't just put food away for the rest of my life. But we accept that and move forward, right? I know it is a struggle and I will keep you, me, and others who struggle in prayer that we can have discipline and strength to eat healthier.
    1853 days ago
    You have to look upon hypothyroidism as a survival advantage. If ever there is a famine, you and I are uniquely primed for survival! emoticon

    I follow the hypnotist Paul McKenna, who attempts to get fat people to think and behave like thin people. He would tell you that you are not broken, but that your programming is wrong, that is why you constantly think of food etc.

    I lost 50lbs following him, before ever I joined SP, I've found calorie counting a disaster for me, and have now gone back to his four golden rules. Listening to his CD really reprogrammed the way I thought about food. Highly recommend him.
    1853 days ago
    I am!.....trying to fix my hunger meter too!..... emoticon
    1853 days ago
    Good on you for working your way through this stuff. I honestly can't relate to your food issues, which might be a similar problem for other people in your life, but remember: if you help them realize the problem, they're more likely to be supportive. Much luck!
    1853 days ago
  • SLEE103
    So proud of you, im so glad your new job is so much better for you! acknowledging all these ideas is good. I agree that you can't completely eliminate certain foods, it fuels the all or nothing mentality which is something I struggle with too. I too find myself getting completely distracted with food...if I haven't packed enough for lunch I drive myself crazy going back and forth--do I grab that slice of pizza im completely craving, do I force some veggies, WHAT should/can I get?? often I cant settle on anything so then i get home and am starving and having a hard time controlling what I eat. my point is you are not alone. it sucks, but if you think about it like, I have XXX amount to eat today I need to get 5 freggies in and protein...whatever is left I can have a little of X if i really want it and can afford it

    and I have the winter blues majorly too! I am cold all the time, i hate being cold, I'm really hoping we'll have the spring we had like last year and it will be 80 degrees in march!
    1853 days ago
    You aren't alone. I also feel like food occupies my thoughts way more than it possibly can for 'normal' people. I have tried to 'listin to my bodies natural hunger cues' before and I found out that sometimes my body lies to me. It is very frustrating:(

    Like you I can't wait for spring, with the heat I tend to crave lighter foods. Fruit salad and chicken and veggies kabbobs as opposed to the mashed potatoes and meatloaf of winter.

    Hurry up spring! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1853 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/20/2013 11:22:12 AM
    So much of what you're saying I can relate to. I dont have the obstacles of hypothyroid like you do. But i still feel like i will always have to work hard at losing weight or maintaining my body. My parents also didn't do much cooking at home and i struggle with having such a busy schedule its hard to eat at home all the time. And accepting that you're allowed to eat "bad" foods in moderation is so hard for me. Every time i have one M&M I feel like i just ruined all my progress when honestly 10 M&Ms wont kill me or my progress.

    I'm glad to see that you have made such a life change that you didn't need to give up anything for lent. I gave up excuses because I always feel like i'm making excuses for everything I do. I'm also ready for spring its freezing her in Wisco and i'm ready to walk and run outside. Do you workout outside in the warmer weather??
    1853 days ago
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