Wednesday, February 20, 2013
I have a few thoughts bouncing around in my head –figured I’d get them out!
1) I have to accept the fact that weight is probably always going to be a concern for me. Being hypothyroid and all that jazz – it isn’t going to be easy for me to lose or keep off weight. I will have to be mindful of it always. I know I have days where I get frustrated with that but I think the sooner I learn to get over it, the better. Everyone has their own set of challenges in life and being hypothyroid is just one of mine. It could be worse. I’m not trying to make excuses like “oh boo hoo, I’m hypothyroid, I’ll never lose weight” – I’m just using it to keep a reality check going of why the weight may not melt off or stay off like it does for other people.
2) My brain is not wired “right” for food. I was raised by two parents who didn’t believe in cooking at home. Both struggled with their weight my entire life but never really addressed it. I remember being at the doctors around age nine where the doctor told my mom to be mindful of what I ate because I was gaining weight and she took me immediately to get fast food after the appointment. Years and years of food just appearing at restaurants, no attention to portion size, no attention to fiber/fat/protein/carb ratios, no attention to eating habits AT ALL has really ingrained itself in my head. I have had to teach myself A LOT about food and I have had to do a ton of eye opening research, and even then, I still have that little voice that says “Go get fried fast food! It is easy and tastes great!” My relationship with food seems different than people around me. I often wonder if people think about it as much as I do, do they feel like it has a voice of its own and have to talk it down, do they deal with cravings and emotions like I do? I feel like my brain battles with food a lot more than other people’s do!
3) I need to learn when my body is hungry or not hungry. I swear I have a broken “hunger system” or something. I know that the meds I was on definitely challenged me as I was hungry ALL of the time, even twenty minutes after I just ate a big meal and I would be like “I seriously CAN’T be hungry, I JUST ATE” kind of thing. But now it seems like I can’t sense when I’m truly full, or I wait and get super hungry all at once so that I can’t stop myself from eating everything in sight. I know boredom and stress trigger “fake” hunger for me, but I have such a hard time identifying that in the moment while I have my hand in a bag of snacks.
4) I didn’t give anything up for lent this year. The past two years I have gone fried food free. I’m not doing it this year because my cravings have come back each time and I’m learning it isn’t good to avoid a whole group of foods 100% of the time. I need to learn to manage those foods and not feel so guilty for indulging once in a while. I need to learn balance. The all-or-nothing approach led to a lot of mental issues in the past where I have had total breakdowns over food – and that is not okay. Instead, I am working on incorporating more exercise, trying to make better choices, and trying to arm myself with more knowledge to help me make those better decisions.
Getting back to the gym this week has really been a great thing. I go home at night and know that I have been SO good all day eating right and working out and it makes me less likely to tear it all down with a junk dinner. Doing the gym in the morning or during the day is helping me avoid the “I’m so tired after work/I had to work late so I’m skipping the gym” issues. I’m also feeling like I have more time at night to get stuff done at home and focus on my mental exercises as well. This new job is DEFINITELY helping with the easier commute, less/flexible hours, gym on campus, and positive atmosphere. I have been totally sucked in to the work pedometer and watching my steps go up!
Anyways, those are a few of the things bouncing around the old broom closet this week. And I am sooooo ready for spring. My skin is ridiculously dry, I am freezing all of the time, and I want to get moving outside again! Who is with me?!?!?!