Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Yesterday at physical Therapy while walking on the Hydro track me and the therapist were talking about some recent numbers I had found while looking for something else . I started my journey in October of 2010 with nothing but the two things God has given me ... a will and knowledge. I need you to understand theatat I don't seek things like others and I had beat myself up for so long that I had to break a lot of things, so I dont work toward numbers I just work toward a better life.
I sat looking at the numbers that I found and realized just how far I personally had come. It amazes me and leaves slightly shaken to read them . Even now as I write this blog I cry at the thought of how bad it was. But I also for great it is to realize that if I can break through all that life threw at me and decide that i want something else . At 366 pounds you can't afford to plan to far in advance you just do it and dont think about it .
So I guess you are wondering what all these numbers are well I will tell you .
I have lowered my BMI from 55 to 41 , I have lost 40 to 50 inches across my whole body and i have lost 88 pounds.
I am not sure if anyone that is not morbidly obese can understand how hard it is . You have to want to change more than anything in your life. You get up every morning and you push harder than you did the day before . You have to talk yourself off the ledge while you smile at the world that already thinks you will never do it .. you have to get mad , you get hurt emotionally and physically , and above all else you become your best friend and your worst enemy . You pray, scream, laugh and you keep doing it .
Karen the Therapist said when I told her numbers " do you even know what you are accomplishing ? " Honestly yes and no .. When you set out to loose 200 pounds you just don't think in terms you just do it. But then every now and then you are made to see something and you realize that you are doing something that very few people can do . It isnt about sharing the story , it isnt about being someone else's motivation , it is not about rewards ... it is just doing whatever it takes with what God gave you will and the ability to learn to be stronger than you ever thought you could be. So I know but I am also scared to get excited or over think it because one slip and you are headed down a slippery slope .. So any way maybe this blog will get these numbers back out of my head again .... But if you read this I hope it gives you that little spark to know whatever battle you have taken on ... you can do it .