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Today is a Fresh Start

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Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Today is day one of my streak.

Yes, I fell off the wagon. My streak ended yesterday due to a binge. And what a HUGE binge it was! I consumed thousands of calories! I used food to numb myself to things that have been stressing me. I ate so much....and it wasn't even that good. I was just stuffing that food in to try to stuff my feelings down.

But guess what? When I went to bed, I had to deal with my feelings. As I laid in bed, feeling bloated and sick, I started to cry. I was full of remorse and regret. WHY did I sabotage myself like that? Why did I eat so much junk?

Thats not what I want for myself! I deserve so much better than to sit there and cram so much unhealthy food down my throat.

So I got out of bed and went into the living room to write in my journal. Writing things down always helps me to figure myself out. As I wrote, I realized that although I am stressed about finances, that was not the main reason behind my binge.

Pressure. Thats why I binged. I am feeling too much pressure about the scale! I had told myself that I would get on the scale on March first. I thought I was ready for that. After all, my last weigh in was back in September. So why not weigh myself?

I know I've been at a plateau for a long time. Even though I haven't been on the scale, I can tell that I haven't lost weight. I can tell by the way I look and by the fit of my clothes. I have made progress in other ways, though. I'm stronger and healthier. I have more energy and endurance. My body is toning up and getting firmer. I feel younger than my age. And those are all WONDERFUL things. I have come so far since I started this journey last March. When I weighed myself last September, I'd lost 71 lbs. Even if I haven't lost another pound since then, I'm still proud of myself for the progress I've made.

But the thought of getting on that scale on March 1st has really, really, really put the pressure on me. So I need to back off. I've decided that I will not weigh myself on March 1st after all. I'm not saying that I will never weigh myself again. I'm just saying that I can't do it right now. I'm at a plateau and I know that if I weighed myself now, I would just disappoint myself and I'd probably disappoint some of my Spark friends too.

Today is a new day. I binged yesterday, but today I am going to get right back on track. I will not worry about the scale. I'm just going to eat right, exercise, and continue to look for Non-Scale Victories. I am going to keep focusing on being as healthy as I possibly can be. And when I do finally get on the scale, it will be when I am ready to do it. I'm not going to set a deadline for myself when it comes to weighing in. That just doesn't work for me.

I am going to continue to love myself, to respect my body and to be my own Valentine!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You can do it Pixie. You are a strong woman and have done so well. I am going to get on your not weighing yourself the scale is my pain and need to move on from it. I am working on a new plan. Take care and have a great day.

    1830 days ago
    Alright, your blog just reminded me of one of my favorite diet redemption songs. Its by TobyMac and called "Get Back Up"

    We lose our way,
    We get back up again
    It's never too late to get back up again,
    One day you gonna shine again,
    You may be knocked down,
    But not out forever,
    Lose our way,
    We get back up again,
    So get up, get up,
    You gonna shine again,
    Never too late to get back up again,
    You may be knocked down,
    But not out forever

    You have done an amazing job. Okay you had a bad day. We have all had those. I have had an entire terrible weekend filled with Girl Scout cookies. Guess that makes me less than perfect. But I am human.
    1830 days ago
    You can do this. It is so encouraging to see someone who identifies the problem, makes the adjustment and moves forward. Don't worry about the scale. I've been at this for 5 years and I learn something new EACH and EVERY day. Life is about learning, not being all-knowing!! Take care of yourself, Pixie, like you take care of all of us!! You are an inspiration!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1830 days ago
  • IROCK40
    You are strong and capable. I admire your ability to look into yourself for answers. You inspire so many I am glad to see you can inspire yourself too!!

    YOU CAN DO IT!!!
    1830 days ago
  • CHERYLA2012
    ... I know that if I weighed myself now, I would just disappoint myself and I'd probably disappoint some of my Spark friends too.

    Pixie, are the only one who can become the healthiest you can be.

    Losing weight is a lonely business because again, it only involves you and the choices you make. And we all know how many choices we have to make about food each meal and each day.

    The *you* in all that is paramount.

    You need to focus on you and not worry about whether you've disappointed any of your SparkFriends.

    We are here as a community for support, and to bounce things off of each other, and to cheer for each other as we all go through this journey.

    We are not here to be disappointed in something beyond anyone's control - because there are many things about losing weight that are beyond control.

    Plateaus are okay - it's a *giant* non-scale victory - it's holding your own while focusing on other parts of your journey. Nothing wrong with that!

    Nothing is written in stone - there is no one way or right way - there is only the way that works for you - that gets you to your goal of being healthy.

    Healthy is healthy - it's not a BMI - it's not a clothing size - it's not the figure on a scale.

    It's how *you* feel - and that's what matters most.

    So feel healthy, think healthy, be healthy - my SparkFriend!

    You can do it. And we're all going to be here with you, rooting for and with you!


    1830 days ago
    Pixie, you continue to amaze me with your courage and your persistence. You have come so far and you have made tremendous progress. Just look at those "before" and
    "now" pictures. What an unbelievable sign of change in your body. And please remember just how far you have come. There is a quote on my Spark page that I absolutely LOVE...."No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow your progress, You are still way ahead of everyone who isn't trying."

    I have followed your journey for a long time, I believe it was close to when I started in Oct. 2010 and you continue to give me hope and faith that I can do this too. You are so determined and I LOVE that about you. We all falter at times...it's okay. Falling off the wagon is human, getting back on is heroic.

    I applaud you for your courage and your strength and I want you to know that I am with you 100% on this long and often difficult journey. Hugs being sent your way, my friend.
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    1830 days ago
    Pixie, We all fall down sometimes. We are imperfect people. If you never weigh yourself on a scale again, its okay. As long as you continue to work to get and stay healthy, that's what matters. Don't stress. I don't have enough words to tell you how much you have encouraged me through your blogs. They are honest and insightful. I appreciate you. You are a wonderful, caring lady. Enjoy your day! emoticon
    PS: a suggestion: don't tell us when you are considering weighing yourself, just whenever you do, surprise us IF you want to share. That way there is no pressure on you.
    1830 days ago
    1830 days ago
    Hi Pixie,

    It's funny that I read your blog after I just wrote my own. It was nearly about the same thing. Read mine and then see it you want to join me in my "diligence effort" Originally it was meant to be being diligent about proper diet, exercise, water consumption, just general good health and fitness. But for me it has become diligence about not being a slave to the scale. I rely way to heavily on that stupid piece of metal that has too much of a tendency to rule my life and predict how the rest of my day will be. So as of today I have decided to be diligent about not looking at that scale at all for at least the next 10 days. (That what the original diligence challenge was set for) Perhaps after 10 days I will reassess that and depending on how I feel I may not look at the scale then either. Don't belittle yourself for your binge. You own it and know today is a new day. You are such a wonderful person. You have already inspired so many of us to turn our lives around by your kind words and the example that you have set.You are strong and you love yourself and we love you too!! Happy Day! emoticon
    1830 days ago
    Great blog. I'm sorry though that a binge happened. It's great that you stopped it at a day. (I binged for nearly the whole of last week and am only on Day 2 of my new Honest Efforts Streak.) As usual, you are an inspiration and you could never disappoint your Sparkfriends!
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    1830 days ago
    I'm sorry about your binge, but I am so impressed that you were able to look inside yourself and find out the source. I hope to one day be that in tune with my emotions, too. You are awesome.
    1830 days ago
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    1830 days ago
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