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    PIXIE-LICIOUS   130,041
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Today is a Fresh Start

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Wednesday, February 20, 2013




Today is day one of my streak.

Yes, I fell off the wagon. My streak ended yesterday due to a binge. And what a HUGE binge it was! I consumed thousands of calories! I used food to numb myself to things that have been stressing me. I ate so much....and it wasn't even that good. I was just stuffing that food in to try to stuff my feelings down.



But guess what? When I went to bed, I had to deal with my feelings. As I laid in bed, feeling bloated and sick, I started to cry. I was full of remorse and regret. WHY did I sabotage myself like that? Why did I eat so much junk?

Thats not what I want for myself! I deserve so much better than to sit there and cram so much unhealthy food down my throat.



So I got out of bed and went into the living room to write in my journal. Writing things down always helps me to figure myself out. As I wrote, I realized that although I am stressed about finances, that was not the main reason behind my binge.

Pressure. Thats why I binged. I am feeling too much pressure about the scale! I had told myself that I would get on the scale on March first. I thought I was ready for that. After all, my last weigh in was back in September. So why not weigh myself?



I know I've been at a plateau for a long time. Even though I haven't been on the scale, I can tell that I haven't lost weight. I can tell by the way I look and by the fit of my clothes. I have made progress in other ways, though. I'm stronger and healthier. I have more energy and endurance. My body is toning up and getting firmer. I feel younger than my age. And those are all WONDERFUL things. I have come so far since I started this journey last March. When I weighed myself last September, I'd lost 71 lbs. Even if I haven't lost another pound since then, I'm still proud of myself for the progress I've made.



But the thought of getting on that scale on March 1st has really, really, really put the pressure on me. So I need to back off. I've decided that I will not weigh myself on March 1st after all. I'm not saying that I will never weigh myself again. I'm just saying that I can't do it right now. I'm at a plateau and I know that if I weighed myself now, I would just disappoint myself and I'd probably disappoint some of my Spark friends too.



Today is a new day. I binged yesterday, but today I am going to get right back on track. I will not worry about the scale. I'm just going to eat right, exercise, and continue to look for Non-Scale Victories. I am going to keep focusing on being as healthy as I possibly can be. And when I do finally get on the scale, it will be when I am ready to do it. I'm not going to set a deadline for myself when it comes to weighing in. That just doesn't work for me.




I am going to continue to love myself, to respect my body and to be my own Valentine!


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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HIGHNOON 2/21/2013 10:43AM

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FIT4MEIN2013 2/21/2013 10:39AM

    If we make good choices 80% of the time, there is no option but to succeed!

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ANNABELLE53 2/21/2013 10:38AM

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NORTHERNLADY6 2/21/2013 10:35AM

    Forgive yourself and carry on! emoticon

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SAMI2012 2/21/2013 10:24AM

    Thank you for sharing!

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CEEMAY 2/21/2013 10:21AM

    Thankfully we can always hit the reset button and begin again. Good for you for having the wisdom and courage to do just that!

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NEPTUNE1939 2/21/2013 10:20AM

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JOANNHUNT 2/21/2013 10:16AM

    Lady you can push yesterday out the window and succeed for today. Baby Steps. We all have our moments and we get rid of them. Some of us don't do it logically but comfort foodly. But we all do it. You motivate me each and every day whether you binge, exercise or loose or gain you are a ROCK OF SUCCESS LADY. i am so proud to be your friend. I struggle every day with the stress of dealing with my handicapped partner, my granddaughters ADHD and ODD and money. I read one of your BLOGS and it gives me that kick in the pants to leave the stress at the door and move on up and out of this crap, THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FRIEND. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/21/2013 10:20:59 AM

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GOODLOOKIN69 2/21/2013 10:13AM

    I recently read somewhere that the only important person to answer to is YOURSELF. By posting this brutally honest and hopefully cleansing blog you have done that. You should not worry about disappointing anyone else. Stop and take some time to think how far you have come. Start again today and look forward to the rest of your healthy life where you love yourself, slipups and all! Thanks for posting and sharing! emoticon Hope you have a great day! emoticon

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KANDOLAKER 2/21/2013 10:11AM

    Great attitude. Way to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on. Excellent blog!

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MOMOSG 2/21/2013 10:10AM

    Sounds like you figured it out. The journey to a healthy weight and a healthy relationship with our bodies is lifelong.

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HFAYE81 2/21/2013 10:09AM

    I binged this weekend, I was feeling lonely and sad. It was the first time I didn't beat myself up over it, and so it was the first time the binge didn't last for an entire weekend or week. Baby steps to forgiving myself when I am so generous with forgiveness for everyone around me. emoticon
I'm so sorry that you were feeling so much pressure! You have come SO far and done SO much for yourself! You are an inspiration to us all! Even after your binge, you got to the bottom of things. Then, you got on here, made a blog post, talked about what happened. That is so healthy in itself. Thank you for being here, thank you for continuing on your journey emoticon

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DIANNEMT 2/21/2013 10:03AM

    Every day is a new one--just keep working at it.

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DW33412 2/21/2013 10:03AM

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EMLG11 2/21/2013 9:59AM

    Hi Pixie, thanks for sharing such perusal thoughts Nd experiences. Many of us here have shared that same experience. One of your comments really struck me. When you said that your Spark friends would be disappointed in your weigh in. I can't speak for others but I can say I am NEVER disappointed in another person here. I am here because I get support but I also gain by giving support. I feel compassion for others on here because of my shared experiences. I have a really hard time thinking anyone here would feel disappointed in you. Be kind and patient with yourself like your Spark friends are!

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KICKINGKILOS 2/21/2013 9:54AM

    emoticon post. We all have that one day, or those two days.
We should forgive ourselves and keep moving.
I'm sure someday we WILL nail it. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHATERJOY 2/21/2013 9:54AM

    I really enjoy your blogs. You are so BRAVE! Sharing when we are not perfect helps so many people, me included, to understand that making a mistake or two or three doesn't mean we can't continue and meet our goals. Learning to love ourselves is an ongoing process. Kudos.

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GIRLINMOTION 2/21/2013 9:50AM

    Never give up on yourself. You are worth it!

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MYKERRYBEST 2/21/2013 9:50AM

  Hello Pixie -- that you for sharing! I saw myself in your post, and one important thing I am going to take away from it is that the binge DIDN'T EVEN TAKE THAT GOOD! I know what you mean, and hearing it from another person really resonated with me! Next time I'm eating out of control I will ask myself if this even tastes good!

You're doing great and don't beat yourself up. The world can be hard enough on us!

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HLOCHRIDGE 2/21/2013 9:46AM

    Don't stress about your bad day. Just use it as a lesson. DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!

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KACEYSW 2/21/2013 9:45AM

    Thank you for sharing your wise words!

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WRITERWANNAB 2/21/2013 9:37AM

    I have noticed the same thing when I gave in to a binge - that it really wasn't all that good. I'm trying to remind myself that the answer to frustrations or whatever isn't at the bottom of a food container. My grandpa had a saying: He drank to drown his troubles, then he found out his troubles could swim. Overeating doesn't solv emoticon e anything for us either, does it?

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LPARKER75 2/21/2013 9:34AM

    Everyone had a bad day once n a whle. When I first started, I ended up falling off the wagon after the first week or two. Then I felt like such a disappointment to myself and everyone on here that was supporting and encouraging me... it took me 3 months to build up the inner strength to get back at it -and by then I was 10 lbs heaver! (It was like missing a month of church and then being afraid to go back because you think everyone is going to expect you to explain (with super good reasons) why you haven't been there in so long.... lol. And the longer it's put off the more difficult it is to go back. But they they always welcome you with open arms!) I learned that no one was disappointed in me -but me. My Spark Friends are people too, they've fought the same battles, they understood and continued to motivate and support me. And it's the same for you. Last week I got on the scale and it didn't go down as I hoped.. but it didn't go up either! So I've learned to be happy about not gaining- because that is just as much a victory to me as loosing. Two steps up and one back is still one up! It's ok. Whether you weigh in or not, you are on the right track in celebrating EVERY success- such as feeling stronger, more energetic, and toning up. But please don't ever feel like a disappointment to anyone...including yourself, don't do yourself that disservice. No one judges you as hard as you judge yourself. Maybe we should all lighten up on ourselves, because no one is perfect and we deserve to be happy!
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DWESTERM 2/21/2013 9:22AM

  Disappointed? Never! Inspired! Yes. I only get two-three days before falling off. You keep me going. emoticon

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SUNRISE141 2/21/2013 9:22AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon VERT GOOD AND HONEST BLOG. I had to go on predisone for 6 weeks and gained 15 lbs but i'll do whatever to keep healthy and happy ! I can't let my weight control me i hate the scales ! emoticon

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AJAYZCHAOS 2/21/2013 9:20AM

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JANEMARIE77 2/21/2013 9:18AM

    right back at it but wit some small changes to break the rut

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IRISHFANUH87 2/21/2013 9:17AM

    Sometimes it's so hard to get back on track when life is stressful, way to go!

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KEATYNMBERGSTEN 2/21/2013 9:16AM

    Great job not letting your binge set you off track for the long term and for making the right decisions for yourself about the scale. It is so impressive that you are able to say that you are happy with your progress even if you haven't lost any more weight, I don't know if I would be able to say that.

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MARTY728 2/21/2013 9:16AM

    Great blog! I am right there with you!

I think most of us have shared the same experience.

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NIKKIJ55 2/21/2013 9:15AM

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NEWCHINELO 2/21/2013 9:12AM

    I always look forward to your blogs for encouragement but that notwithstanding whatever happens when you finally get on that scale (be it positive or negative) i personally will also take it as a lesson on my weight loss journey. By the way when i saw the title "Today is a fresh start" before i opened the member blog,i just thought to myself 'let it not be Pixie" i was a bit taken aback when i later opened it to see that it is actually your blog . . . i am still learning and understanding that in this journey when i go one step backward i move triple steps forward. emoticon

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NKOUAMI26 2/21/2013 9:03AM

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ROCKYCPA 2/21/2013 8:57AM

    Sorry that you got off track yesterday but you are so right about getting right back on track. You also need to view your victories the way you want non scale or scale.

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BKNOCK 2/21/2013 8:57AM

    Awesome blog! We all have our "bad" days but together we can do it!
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BRANSC 2/21/2013 8:55AM

  great sharing, remember use your that lamp post as a leaning post not a whipping post. you took action right away by getting out of bed and sharing. good work. you will do fine, none of us are perfect. i have been doing this for yrs and only lost pounds, but i feel better, more energetic, and i love myself. You should do the same. You are worth it, beautiful lady.

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LSIG14 2/21/2013 8:47AM

  None of your friends would ever be disappointed in you because you have been such an inspiration. I have always been a stress eater and have let it derail me several times - at least you were able to acknowledge it and get right back on track.. Do whatever feels right for you and know how proud we all are of you!

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PJ2222 2/21/2013 8:45AM

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MNNICE 2/21/2013 8:43AM

    I've been there so many times, but keep getting back on track. Yes, I've basically maintained my loss for a couple years, but I no longer beat myself up too much over the binges because I know I just have to get RIGHT back on track. And so will you!

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THOMS1 2/21/2013 8:38AM

    Yeah for non scale victories. I wish you success. emoticon

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CLARALAW 2/21/2013 8:37AM

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SIZE8NOTSOMUCH 2/21/2013 8:29AM

    Today I love you for what you have decided NOT to do... yesterday is but a memory!
Tomorrow, a dream. Go dream!!


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MAVERICK59 2/21/2013 8:28AM

    Perfect!

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MIMIDOT 2/21/2013 8:25AM

    So sorry you fell off the wagon yesterday. But I'm glad you figured out what was stressing you and are starting over. You can do it!

GOOD LUCK!!!!!

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INGMARIE 2/21/2013 8:16AM

    Hi there , got news for you

you will not disappoint any of us , you are such an inspiration and "falling off" once in a while is actually ok,as long as you get back up and you did.
Stress is a powerful emotion and we got to be stronger than that.
I am glad you figured out the cause.
You have come a long way ,and the road ahead is a bit easier.
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NHEMBERGER 2/21/2013 8:11AM

    Glad your back on track! I've only lost a few pounds since I guit smoking in Nov. I still weigh myself every week. I think I've plateaued because I've not been nearly as active. I'm also trying to get back on track. Good Luck Dear!
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PUPPYWHISPERS 2/21/2013 8:08AM

    I'm so sorry you had a bad day and a binge. I've found that when I feel a need to drown my feelings with food, it helps to get on SP and talk about it. Your friends will listen, tell you how beautiful you are, and that you've come too far to give in to emotional eating. This has been a long process for me too, but I'm getting better, slowly. Try to isolate what it making you want the food, and remember that the food is NOT going to help you to feel better; it's going to make you feel worse.

I've also found that a good workout is much better than drowning my sorrows with food. I've never not felt better after a workout.

You can do this, and I'm here cheering for you every step of the way! emoticon

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Pattie

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MOMMY445 2/21/2013 7:58AM

    i am so glad to hear that you figured out what caused your binge, and that you were able to fix it. glad to hear that you are back on track! hurray! have a wonderful day!

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SIMONEKP 2/21/2013 7:57AM

    Hey,

I am one of our SP friends that wouldn't be disappointed. You've been quite an inspiration. Don't get too caught up on the pressure to weigh in, different strokes for different folks. Do what works for you and that means not weighing in for a while then don't force yourself. Glad you were able to come to terms with what was bothering you and decide to start over today.



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