Today is day one of my streak.
Yes, I fell off the wagon. My streak ended yesterday due to a binge. And what a HUGE binge it was! I consumed thousands of calories! I used food to numb myself to things that have been stressing me. I ate so much....and it wasn't even that good. I was just stuffing that food in to try to stuff my feelings down.
But guess what? When I went to bed, I had to deal with my feelings. As I laid in bed, feeling bloated and sick, I started to cry. I was full of remorse and regret. WHY did I sabotage myself like that? Why did I eat so much junk?
Thats not what I want for myself! I deserve so much better than to sit there and cram so much unhealthy food down my throat.
So I got out of bed and went into the living room to write in my journal. Writing things down always helps me to figure myself out. As I wrote, I realized that although I am stressed about finances, that was not the main reason behind my binge.
Pressure. Thats why I binged. I am feeling too much pressure about the scale! I had told myself that I would get on the scale on March first. I thought I was ready for that. After all, my last weigh in was back in September. So why not weigh myself?
I know I've been at a plateau for a long time. Even though I haven't been on the scale, I can tell that I haven't lost weight. I can tell by the way I look and by the fit of my clothes. I have made progress in other ways, though. I'm stronger and healthier. I have more energy and endurance. My body is toning up and getting firmer. I feel younger than my age. And those are all WONDERFUL things. I have come so far since I started this journey last March. When I weighed myself last September, I'd lost 71 lbs. Even if I haven't lost another pound since then, I'm still proud of myself for the progress I've made.
But the thought of getting on that scale on March 1st has really, really, really put the pressure on me. So I need to back off. I've decided that I will not weigh myself on March 1st after all. I'm not saying that I will never weigh myself again. I'm just saying that I can't do it right now. I'm at a plateau and I know that if I weighed myself now, I would just disappoint myself and I'd probably disappoint some of my Spark friends too.
Today is a new day. I binged yesterday, but today I am going to get right back on track. I will not worry about the scale. I'm just going to eat right, exercise, and continue to look for Non-Scale Victories. I am going to keep focusing on being as healthy as I possibly can be. And when I do finally get on the scale, it will be when I am ready to do it. I'm not going to set a deadline for myself when it comes to weighing in. That just doesn't work for me.
I am going to continue to love myself, to respect my body and to be my own Valentine!