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    PIXIE-LICIOUS   127,911
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Today is a Fresh Start

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Wednesday, February 20, 2013




Today is day one of my streak.

Yes, I fell off the wagon. My streak ended yesterday due to a binge. And what a HUGE binge it was! I consumed thousands of calories! I used food to numb myself to things that have been stressing me. I ate so much....and it wasn't even that good. I was just stuffing that food in to try to stuff my feelings down.



But guess what? When I went to bed, I had to deal with my feelings. As I laid in bed, feeling bloated and sick, I started to cry. I was full of remorse and regret. WHY did I sabotage myself like that? Why did I eat so much junk?

Thats not what I want for myself! I deserve so much better than to sit there and cram so much unhealthy food down my throat.



So I got out of bed and went into the living room to write in my journal. Writing things down always helps me to figure myself out. As I wrote, I realized that although I am stressed about finances, that was not the main reason behind my binge.

Pressure. Thats why I binged. I am feeling too much pressure about the scale! I had told myself that I would get on the scale on March first. I thought I was ready for that. After all, my last weigh in was back in September. So why not weigh myself?



I know I've been at a plateau for a long time. Even though I haven't been on the scale, I can tell that I haven't lost weight. I can tell by the way I look and by the fit of my clothes. I have made progress in other ways, though. I'm stronger and healthier. I have more energy and endurance. My body is toning up and getting firmer. I feel younger than my age. And those are all WONDERFUL things. I have come so far since I started this journey last March. When I weighed myself last September, I'd lost 71 lbs. Even if I haven't lost another pound since then, I'm still proud of myself for the progress I've made.



But the thought of getting on that scale on March 1st has really, really, really put the pressure on me. So I need to back off. I've decided that I will not weigh myself on March 1st after all. I'm not saying that I will never weigh myself again. I'm just saying that I can't do it right now. I'm at a plateau and I know that if I weighed myself now, I would just disappoint myself and I'd probably disappoint some of my Spark friends too.



Today is a new day. I binged yesterday, but today I am going to get right back on track. I will not worry about the scale. I'm just going to eat right, exercise, and continue to look for Non-Scale Victories. I am going to keep focusing on being as healthy as I possibly can be. And when I do finally get on the scale, it will be when I am ready to do it. I'm not going to set a deadline for myself when it comes to weighing in. That just doesn't work for me.




I am going to continue to love myself, to respect my body and to be my own Valentine!


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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSCARCHICK 2/22/2013 9:14AM

    Great motivation for this morning!

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JULBEL 2/22/2013 9:05AM

    So many genuine comments I only hope they help to show you that we wre all here for you and one day does not define the rest of your life!

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NEWTINK 2/22/2013 8:49AM

    I usually post an emotion-con or something that will motivate you in some way or I try to. However, I have read almost all your blogs and you tend to think that one day of bad choices means that you have sabotaged yourself and that is just not the case, it was a bad choice and you are giving it way to much credit. I don't believe that you are feeling pressure from the scale I believe your pressure is that streak . Making a bad choice has not sent you back a bit , nothing you ate yesterday will put 71 pounds back on you and the way you work out i doubt that it would do anything other than what it does make you doubt yourself ... In a class this week a dietitian said that we have a set weight that our body gets use to ... after significant weight loss you need to hold that weight for two months to allow your body to reset and not believe you are starving it . So all that scale does not give you any worth at all it gets you valuable information you need to succeed . Now having said that I love your blogs and I hope you find the inner peace that you so richly deserve emoticon

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DEEDAWN2013 2/22/2013 8:47AM

    Sorry you had a rough day and that you are feeling so much pressure. Please know that we wouldn't be disappointed in you, because we all know that life happens. However, if now is not the time for you to weigh in, then so be it. Do it when it works for you. :)

Keep up the good work and keep remembering the positive things you are doing for yourself!

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RSCHIENH 2/22/2013 8:13AM

    FOOD is an addiction just like drugs and alcohol and gambling! This site is our support and when in need we should use it, it teaches us coping skills and alternative thinking to our old bad habits! We are going to fall off the wagon, we are in recovery so slip ups are to be expected. Next time think hard and use your coping skills, take a walk, write in your journal, do a work out or just go to bed! Each and everyone here is unique what works for me will not work for you but ideas and support for attaining the same things is what keeps us together and working toward our common goals! You will succeed because you have already shown you can. Keep moving forward and you will reach your goals.

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BLOCKHEAD23 2/22/2013 8:12AM

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RUFFIT 2/22/2013 7:58AM

    emoticon Good for you!! Moni

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SAM_GEEK1 2/22/2013 7:57AM

    "I would just disappoint myself and I'd probably disappoint some of my Spark friends too" I read your post and felt the need to make a comment about this sentence. We're not here to judge, so I don't think you would dissapoint anyone here.

Sometimes we do awesome, other times not so good. The important thing is that we learn and that we don't quit.

I don't know you, it's the first time I read this blog, but reading you I felt proud, not dissapointed, and there isn't a number on a scale that could change my mind.

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WATERDIAMONDS 2/22/2013 7:51AM

    Your honesty is one of your greatest gifts here on SP. thank you for allowing us to be part of your amazing trek back to the health you so deserve.

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JLEMUS1 2/22/2013 7:37AM

    Thank you for sharing with us spark sister, I personally love non-scale victories!! We know you can do it spark sister!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IACTA_ALEA_EST 2/22/2013 7:37AM

    Hey Pix - thanks for putting together great thoughts and great images -

Spark love!

Allie B

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SMCDONALD624 2/22/2013 7:33AM

    Hi Pixie .. I have been on a 2 week major binge .. went to florida .. ate the whole state it feels like .. I gave myself that because I was going to go on a full diet lifestyle change .. (gluten free etc) .. and I can so relate to feeling sick ...

This is my first day back on sparkpeople and I would like to thank you for your honesty and helping me to feel like I am not alone in this ... thanks for the pep talk .. even though it was for you .. it helped me too.
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EBONYSOL 2/22/2013 7:26AM

    Thankfully, we can start our day over at any time.
Expectations can set one up for failure. I go by the saying "Do the best that you can do and you have done enough'. i look for progress in my program.
Thanks again for sharing. I learn from your blog that I am not alone in my own journey with its successes and challenges.

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JANIGURL 2/22/2013 6:57AM

    Pixie, you are a beautiful person inside and out. You help so many people with your motivational comments on their pages including mine :) Don't be to hard on yourself, you're right you know .... the scale does not tell me who you are, nor does it tell you this either; it's a number that will go up and down . You are a wonderful lady !!! Today is a new day so love it , love yourself , and keep up your spark :) It's really nice to know I live in the present; because that's just what it is everyday... a present ! I'm here rooting for you sparkfriend !!! You're awesome !

Live in Love
Jan

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LIFETIMER54 2/22/2013 6:48AM

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MUSOLF6 2/22/2013 6:02AM

    well, you are not the only one that slipped, I was on a binge yesterday too. Ate way too much, and in the evening I sat down and felt so bad and guilty. But Guess what, today is another day and we will succeed.... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NESARIAN 2/22/2013 5:17AM

    Valuable lesson learned and thanks for sharing it. I may have to go thru it myself to really learn it but will think of you and your courage and know what to do about it.

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JANETTEB553 2/22/2013 3:38AM

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SENIMMO 2/22/2013 2:16AM

    I seem to remember someone telling me that slipping wasn't the end of the world, just make sure I get back up (or something to that effect) and that tiny steps forward were the key. 2 forward for every 1 back still would move me towards my goal. And that I needed to be kinder to myself when I did "fall off the wagon" or "wander off the path". It was good advice when it was given to me, (wonder by who? ;-) and it is good advice now.

I am glad you are being kind to yourself over this little bump in the road.

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BANNERMAN 2/22/2013 2:04AM

  Thanksforshareing yu pain, resolve and joy in moving forward.

Keep up the positive attitude

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KUTEY5041 2/22/2013 2:03AM

    i just went through the exact same thing getting on the scale for my weekly weigh in and it showed a 4 pound gain in a week. I know that was impossible to be all fat but it totally depressed me and I did the exact same thing. Binge, say I gave up, then cried later on. I also decided tomorrow (today) is a new day and stay with what I am doing and it will all work out. We both know we can do it and we will do it together emoticon

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BLUEJEAN99 2/22/2013 1:55AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SPARKFRAN514 2/22/2013 12:01AM

    Thank you for sharing your journey. I know you will get a nice surprise come Mach when you step on the emoticon even if its not a hug loss like your 70 pounds you will have a lose as good as you have been. i wonder if we some times need to stop being so rough on our selves .
1.There's a reason for our tomorrows . . . so we can improve from yesterday
2“One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn’t pay to get discouraged.”
- Lucille Ball –
3"Good things come to those who "weight" or at least go slower in their journey!"

4 Every day is a new chance to take steps towards reaching our goals! Keep doing your best, and never give up. Always remember that you are worth the effort

5 Love yourself for who you are right now


6 If you FAIL, never give up because F.A.I.L. means "First Attempt In Learning."

7.END is not the END. In fact, E.N.D. means "Effort Never Dies."
If you get NO as an answer, remember N.O. means "Next Opportunity."


8 BE POSITIVE ALWAYS and bring your perfect smile with you. A spark friend emoticon



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MAGA99 2/21/2013 11:39PM

    I think we need 2 do like AA n NA does
where u have someone to call when u r ready 2 binge
I've been bingeing for a few days now

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SASSYTHING52 2/21/2013 11:36PM

    my sweet pixie again you have touched me i have been eating awful this whole month i have been so depressed and wanting to cry every day but i dont know why you are such a strong person i have been looking forward to seeing ur year of all ur hard work but i understand ur thoughts and if you dont feel like it thats ok too my friend thanks for the blog i send up my prayers for ur strength and i send you my love and huggs you can do this and i know you will emoticon emoticon

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DFG5876 2/21/2013 11:04PM

    emoticon Better days ahead

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JERICHO1991 2/21/2013 10:26PM

    Today is definitely a new day, and feeling younger than your age is a wonderful thing.

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GINGERVISTA 2/21/2013 10:20PM

    Good for you! As tough as it is--& I've been right where you are--it's just one day; could be worse! Thanks so much for taking the time to share what many of us have gone through & some continue to do so. emoticon

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FRANCES-AGAPE 2/21/2013 10:05PM

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Dear One,
my heart ached while reading your post.
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You are NOT ALONE !
I myself have been binging a LOT
since early December.
Many days are over 2000 cals.
One particularly bad day was 3000 !

Now you seem to have recovered.
I especially like the Day-to-Week quote


Hope you had a Terrific Thursday !
Have a Fabulous Friday !


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LOVE and BLESSINGS !

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REGILIEH 2/21/2013 9:59PM

    emoticon YOU DO DESERVE BETTER AND YOU DESERVE BETTER FROM YOURSELF!!!

You CAN, yes, emoticon

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SUSIEMT 2/21/2013 9:52PM

    You can do this! Just work your plan. Have you thought about joining spark coach for a month or so to re- read and hear some very important information that I think you may have heard or read before but maybe this time you will understand and absorb it. I understand you must be going through some financial difficulty but it is only $7.99 a month. Instead of responding to me with a canned speech please read this msg.. I care about you and your mental health not if you acknowledge me. Pixie you are one smart woman. Now consider this a kick in the butt! You are a very valuable person!

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ONLYTEMPORARY 2/21/2013 9:43PM

    emoticon

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PENNYLOU7 2/21/2013 9:42PM

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WVROSE1 2/21/2013 9:32PM

    emoticon emoticon

It's OK to have a bad day, don't be so hard on yourself. You are an inspiration to all of us! The great part is that you got back on track today.
Hang in there! emoticon

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SNOWYOGA 2/21/2013 9:29PM

    emoticon emoticon Pixie you are my hero! You are always really strong and I know that sometimes you can get to the point that it's just to much, and I know that I don't know know you, but I know that you can do this and I will be here to see you! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JAMER123 2/21/2013 8:45PM

    i know well about plateaus! I have been on one for about a yr., gaining a little then losing a little. I am at the best point I can be for now with an 83# loss. One great thing that has happened; friends here in our resort keep telling me I have lost weight and I keep saying no, sorry. Finally got the measuring tape out and low & behold, I have lost 2"!!! I was thrilled. Yes, I binge and then get back on the wagon. Today was a binge day but I did enjoy and I didn't go over in calories as my eating habit was poor today! So HANG IN THERE!!! We will get to our goals. Maybe not on the timeline we thought but it will come!!!
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A-DAY-AT-A-TIME 2/21/2013 8:28PM

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JUNEAU2010 2/21/2013 8:06PM

    I think it's another sign of growth and strength on your part that you can decide not to step on the scale and to continue your life style changes without the judgment of that number.

Thank you for sharing this inspirational blog. I needed it!

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LINDAK25 2/21/2013 7:59PM

    You're right! You need to stick to your healthy lifestyle and let go of the worry about that number! Set it aside and just be healthy! You're already doing that, right? Sorry you had a bad day--I'm not talking about what you ate, but about how you felt! Feel good about yourself. It's okay.

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EENLIGHTENING 2/21/2013 7:20PM

    Way to go, I have had a similar experience the past weekend. I ate a lot of calories and realized that just because I purchased my new aria scale and joined the virtual weigh in group, I did not need I go backwards and start focusing on pressuring myself to weigh every Monday. Thank you for sharing!!!

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PCASEY7 2/21/2013 6:33PM

    Such a great attitude to have. It's not how many times you fall down but how many times you pick yourself back up! Good for you!

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SKYMYST78 2/21/2013 6:30PM

  What a great attitude if all of us started each day like it was our first maybe more of us would keep push and give up less! I know I would! Thanks so much for your words! Great blog on not giving up!!!! emoticon

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FAIRERHIANNON 2/21/2013 5:55PM

    Thank you for this.
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SHANNONY84 2/21/2013 5:49PM

    That is the beauty of each day.... being able to start over!

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_BABE_ 2/21/2013 5:46PM

    Stop being so hard on yourself ( I know I am the pot calling the kettle black). Every... what is it month or two you binge....I wish I could say the same.....with me it's one week on and one week off...not good.

The scale is not your enemy its how you interpret it...to me it indicates that my behaviour is on or off track....and I am curious but unlike some I keep to once a week rain or shine.

FYI this week it rained and I know why I gained... emoticon

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PATRICIAANN46 2/21/2013 5:42PM

  Hi Pixie.........
You have to do what works for you. If weighing yourself puts too much pressure on you, then find other ways to check your progress. I am absolutely sure that you will bounce right back on track. emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/21/2013 5:43:29 PM

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BARBARASDIET 2/21/2013 5:36PM

    emoticon

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LYNCHD05 2/21/2013 5:15PM

    Falling off the wagon is part of the journey. The I portent thing is getting back on like you did. Good for you!

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LEANMEAN2 2/21/2013 5:06PM

    Thanks for sharing. I've been there and done that more than once.

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SLSALKIL 2/21/2013 5:02PM

    Good for you getting back on track right after!!

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