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TIME FOR A KICK ...

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

EVERYONE HAS THOSE DAYS WHEN YOU JUST WANT TO CRAWL UNDER YOUR BLANKET AND NEVER COME OUT AGAIN. MAYBE YOU WILL NEVER BE DISCOVERED UNDER THERE (TRUST ME, THE SMELL WILL GIVE YOU AWAY AFTER AWHILE). BUT WE REALLY CAN'T LIVE OUR LIVES THAT WAY. IF YOU WANT TO - GO AHEAD. ME? I CAN'T DO IT!

EVERYONE HAS PROBLEMS AND SOME OF US DEAL WITH THEM BETTER THAN OTHERS DO. ME? I HAVE A SCHEDULED PITY PARTY. I DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE, AND THEN I GO TO MY ROOM, CLOSE THE DRAPES, TURN THE FAN ON HIGH SO I CAN'T BE HEARD, AND I PITCH A FIT. I THROW THINGS AND I CRY AND CARRY ON LIKE THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO END. I ALLOW MYSELF TO DO THIS FOR EXACTLY TWO HOURS - NO MORE. THEN I COME BACK OUT AND GO ABOUT MY BUSINESS. I MAY NOT BE THE MOST CHEERFUL PERSON FOR THE REST OF THE DAY, BUT AT LEAST I AM STILL HERE!

I GOT SOME NEWS YESTERDAY CONCERNING MY HEALTH, THAT REALLY WIPED ME OUT.
AND I HAD MY SCHEDULED PITY PARTY LAST NIGHT AND A REVELATION CAME TO ME. I GUESS YOU COULD CALL IT MY "AHA MOMENT".

I HAVE BEEN MOANING A WHINING ABOUT DH FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER. I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT EVERYONE IS SICK TO DEATH OF HEARING IT. BUT GUESS WHAT? HE MAY BE A PAIN IN MY BEHIND BUT HE IS STILL HERE! AND I AM GOING TO NEED SOMEONE HERE IN THE FUTURE. IT MAY BE ONLY TO CALL THE MEAT WAGON TO PICK UP MY DEAD BODY, BUT EVEN THAT IS BETTER THAN STINKING UP THE PLACE. AND STILL, AFTER 19 YEARS, HE IS PAYING MY THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF MEDICAL BILLS ABOUT TO GET EVEN LARGER. DOES HE COMPLAIN ABOUT IT? SURE! BUT IT OCCURRED TO ME LAST NIGHT, THAT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, HE COMPLAINS BECAUSE HE FEELS INADEQUATE AS A PROVIDER.

EVEN THOUGH HE KNEW BEFORE HE MARRIED ME, THAT I HAD BIG TIME MEDICAL ISSUES, DID HE REALLY REALIZE HOW MUCH IT WOULD COST HIM? HE WAS SINGLE FOR 57 YEARS AND HAD NO ONE TO SPEND HIS NASTY OLE' MONEY ON BUT HIMSELF. NOW, MY BILLS CONSUME EVERY PENNY.

YES, I HAVE TRIED TO ALWAYS BE THERE FOR HIM, AND YES HIS FAMILY IS NOT VERY GOOD OR EVEN NICE TO ME. BUT SO WHAT! DOES THAT MAKE ME LESS OF A HUMAN BEING? IT BETTER NOT. JESUS THINKS I AM TO DIE FOR! ARE THEY BETTER THAN THAT? HECK NO!

SO I INTEND TO START A GRATITUDE JOURNAL (THANK YOU KATHYJO) AND FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE AND LET THE NEGATIVE HAVE AS LITTLE ATTENTION AS POSSIBLE. HOPEFULLY, IT WILL FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO HAUNT BECAUSE, QUITE FRANKLY, I AM SICK TO DEATH OF FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF.

I JUST WISH THAT MY EYESIGHT WOULD ALLOW ME TO SPEND MORE TIME ON MY COMPUTER (ESPECIALLY NOW THAT I WON'T BE WALKING AROUND MUCH) BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY TEAMS THAT I WOULD LOVE TO GET INVOLVED WITH - LIKE "PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION" - A WONDERFUL TEAM WITH GREAT LEADERS. AND ONE CALLED "SLOWEST LOSERS" AND I THINK THERE IS ONE CALLED "THE LIGHTER SIDE" JUST TO MAKE YOU LAUGH AT YOURSELF.

FOR ME, I DO FIND THAT TEAMS THAT FOCUS ON ONE PARTICULAR ILLNESS, ARE DEPRESSING AND I DO A FINE JOB OF THAT ALL BY MYSELF SO I DON'T NEED HELP FROM OTHERS TO FEEL DEPRESSED. I PREFER INSTEAD, TO BE SILLY AND STUPID, AND JUST MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH. THAT ERIN HAS BEEN GONE FOR TOO LONG AND IT'S TIME SHE FINDS HER WAY BACK HOME.

SO,SEE YA' ON THE LIGHTER SIDE REAL SOON!

ERIN
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAINBOW_LADY 2/23/2013 3:17AM

  The gratitude journal is indeed a great idea Erin.
Many of us have our own pity parties. If I have one at work I have my best friend to drag me out of it and be grateful for what I have.
You're special and we love you hun
emoticon

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TIME2TAKEASTAND 2/22/2013 3:58PM

    I am new to SparkPeople and have read some great blogs but yours well.... it home with me and I inspired me. I have never thought about a gratitude journal but will be starting one. I have so many positives in my life and I know they outweigh the negatives. Thank you so much.. Good Luck and again thank you for your words! emoticon

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IOWAGRAMMA 2/20/2013 8:58PM

    emoticon Sounds like you've got a plan and you're ready to move forward! Good for you! Best to you as you work through all your health issues, too! Hugs, Jeannie emoticon emoticon

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WVROSE1 2/19/2013 11:43PM

    emoticon

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PINKNFITCARLA 2/19/2013 11:24PM

    You've had a lot going on! I like the idea of a gratitude journal. Glad to have you back!

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RURAL3 2/19/2013 10:34PM

    She's baaaack! emoticon

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BELDONDOG1 2/19/2013 8:40PM

    Erin, you are so right! The happy, funny Erin has been gone for a long time and justifiably so. Your life has not been a bed of roses and I can understand the pity parties. I think we all have them. Maybe we all don't admit to them as being pity parties. A lot of us are just "down and out" or "depressed". Anyway you look at it, it's a pity party. You have been a good friend and I back you up in whatever you feel is right for you to do. Love you, hon! Noel

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LIVE_AMAZINGLY 2/19/2013 7:45PM

    -----

Comment edited on: 7/2/2013 9:07:57 PM

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MILLISMA 2/19/2013 6:33PM

    ERIN,

YOU'RE NOT ONLY ONE ON THAT PITY PARTY WAGON. I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR LAUGHTER SINCE I HAVE A FEELING YOU CAN BE A REAL FUN PERSON. I HAVE COPIED A LINK TO MY FRIEND HELEN'S SPARK PAGE. SHE AND HER FAMILY HAVE GONE THROUGH SOME DIFFICULT TIMES BUT SHE MAKES SURE TO END HER BLOGS WITH WHAT SHE IS THANKFUL FOR.....THE POSITIVES IN HER LIFE: http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.a
sp?id=MOMMA_BEAR_69 WHEN I AM HAVING A PITY PARTY, I GO TO HELEN'S PAGE FOR A "PICK ME UP".

THINKING OF YOU AND HOPE THAT THINGS CAN IMPROVE FOR YOU. SENDING EXTRA HUGS AND PRAYERS YOUR WAY.

HUGS....MARY ANNE

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RAPUNZEL53 2/19/2013 5:50PM

  Good Luck!

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