Tuesday, February 19, 2013
So, SparkCoach has asked me to blog a little about my true motivations for weight loss today.
I think my primary reason for wanting to lose weight is aesthetic. I have this skinny image of me in my head and every time I see myself in a mirror it is a big shock. I want to be able to see myself without all the fat rolls. I realize, at my weight, that the fat rolls may be replaced by big skin folds, but that's a risk I'm ready to take. I don't feel desirable and I know I've lost my appeal to my SO that I live with, which is hard to do, considering he told me he likes women that are overweight.
Another thing is I am pre-diabetic and still somewhat scared of being on insulin. Everyone I know on insulin is overweight unless they are a type 1 diabetic, and that would not be me. I have diabetes on my father's side of the family. All of my greats on my Dad's side developed Diabetes whether they were overweight or not, except one, and that means six out of seven. All eventually had to use insulin. I may not be able to prevent diabetes, but I want to put it off for as long as possible.
I want to fit comfortably in people's cars and in amusement park rides. That center seat in the back that the belt is barely large enough for me, I want to not have to worry about whether I'm going to get it all the way over to the buckle or not. I want another adult to be able to fit in the amusement park seat next to me. I want the bars to latch, and I want it to not be painful the entire time I sit there.
I want to be able to shop for exercise clothes at normal stores. I don't want to have to go to Goodwill for the best selection of exercise clothing in my size. I want to be able to go into a sporting goods store or a regular store and try on clothing and have it fit me.
What I hope to achieve is a forestalling of my onset of Diabetes and as long a honeymoon period as I can get, and as long a time on pills before insulin as I can acquire for myself. What I hope to achieve is a further ability to go places and to sit in the swings again and feel weightless as my feet leave the ground, or my stomach to drop out from under me as I swing around on the "monster" at the Puyallup Fair. With clothes on, I want to look smashing again, and be able to wear a dress or shorts, without feeling like my legs look like stubby hams.
After reaching my goal I plan to remain a Sparker for as long as they offer it. Since it is a lifestyle change, I plan on using my experience to help others and to continue what I have started already. I plan on buying some new clothing and going to the Fall Fair to go on rides after I reach my goal weight. More than that, when I am close to my goal weight I am going to clear an item on my 'bucket list' and go to an anime convention in cosplay uniform (cosplay is short for 'costume play') I'm thinking of Orihime from Bleach in her Espada uniform, it is only $10 more to have it made to my measurements, if they are still in business when I lose the weight, so I'll have it made custom and take out the guesswork, whether I'd fit a S, M, or L.
As a secondary feature I'm hoping that I look more like someone to look up to at the school. You know the kids in 6th and 5th are really clued into the physical appearance of people and are starting to like boys etc. I'd like to look like someone cooler, that could be respected, rather than 'that fat blob on the corner that runs the checkout computer'. In all the time I've spent volunteering, (6 or 7 years) its only come up a few times, but I'd like it to not come up at all.