Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Okay, I might be the only person in history who is truly overweight and worried about anorexia. Fact is, when I was a teen, I was significantly underweight. The doctor told my mom I had to gain at least 20 pounds. I was pretty much anorexic; I simply quit eating for days at a time, and I didn't get hungry.
Things would have gotten bad, but my grandma and aunt sat me down and told me they were concerned. They had never heard about anorexia, but they simply told me I was not eating enough, and that I had to eat to stay healthy. Since they were the two people in my life whom I was closest to, I did. I was still skinny, but at least I ate.
I think that's why the weight snuck up on me; I never, ever had to watch my weight. Once I came to America, different things happened that helped me get a much better outlook on life, and I started to enjoy food. And being surrounded by all that variety of food around here made it easy. Plus, I was at minimum wage for 7 years while I was waiting to get the Green Card, and I was not allowed to work somewhere else because I was restricted to a work visa, so whenever someone fed me, I ate as much as I could, because I wasn't sure where the next meal would come from.
To make a long story short, for 30 years, my goal was gaining weight, not losing it, and that's why it didn't alarm me when I gained.
Anyway, now that I'm overweight and diabetic and need to lose weight, I am able to turn the old switch in my brain from my anorexic days. I can look at food without it having any appeal to me. I noticed the past few days I was way below my recommended calories on SP - not a good thing, because in the long run it will put me in starvation mode, and I won't lose weight, not to mention the health issue.
Last night I panicked, because at 8 p.m. I had only eaten 800 calories, so I ate too much pizza, making my sugar spike - and I ended up having too many calories. I really need to find the balance where I find food appealing, but don't eat too much or too little of it. I've been in both extremes, and it seems I can still flip that switch from eathing nothing to eating a lot at random. It's crucial that I find a happy medium.