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Anorexia Demons raise their ugly head

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Okay, I might be the only person in history who is truly overweight and worried about anorexia. Fact is, when I was a teen, I was significantly underweight. The doctor told my mom I had to gain at least 20 pounds. I was pretty much anorexic; I simply quit eating for days at a time, and I didn't get hungry.
Things would have gotten bad, but my grandma and aunt sat me down and told me they were concerned. They had never heard about anorexia, but they simply told me I was not eating enough, and that I had to eat to stay healthy. Since they were the two people in my life whom I was closest to, I did. I was still skinny, but at least I ate.
I think that's why the weight snuck up on me; I never, ever had to watch my weight. Once I came to America, different things happened that helped me get a much better outlook on life, and I started to enjoy food. And being surrounded by all that variety of food around here made it easy. Plus, I was at minimum wage for 7 years while I was waiting to get the Green Card, and I was not allowed to work somewhere else because I was restricted to a work visa, so whenever someone fed me, I ate as much as I could, because I wasn't sure where the next meal would come from.
To make a long story short, for 30 years, my goal was gaining weight, not losing it, and that's why it didn't alarm me when I gained.
Anyway, now that I'm overweight and diabetic and need to lose weight, I am able to turn the old switch in my brain from my anorexic days. I can look at food without it having any appeal to me. I noticed the past few days I was way below my recommended calories on SP - not a good thing, because in the long run it will put me in starvation mode, and I won't lose weight, not to mention the health issue.
Last night I panicked, because at 8 p.m. I had only eaten 800 calories, so I ate too much pizza, making my sugar spike - and I ended up having too many calories. I really need to find the balance where I find food appealing, but don't eat too much or too little of it. I've been in both extremes, and it seems I can still flip that switch from eathing nothing to eating a lot at random. It's crucial that I find a happy medium.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I worry about anorexia too, and I've never been at a normal weight. I think its because the same thoughts and negative mentality affects being underweight AND overweight.

    I also worry about the eating too few calories because you're right, then your metabolism stops and goes into starvation mode. If you are able to find the balance, I would love to know what works for you.

    In the meantime I can say, I understand, and I'm here for you.
    1699 days ago
    our relationship with food is difficut. we need it to live, but sometimes it becomes the enemy. we need to call a truce and make a meal plan we can live with. pick one day a week, plan the menus for the week, make out the shopping list, get the food, and then stick to the menus.
    1700 days ago
    My mother was over 300 lbs for most of her life and had an emergency where 3/4 of her stomach was removed. As a result she lost a lot of weight... wonderful... and then way toooo much weight as she has practically stopped eating. It's hard finding the strength to stop eating unhealthily, but to eat enough for good health and well being. Speaking for myself, I love food too much to go without if for long, so my struggle has been stopping at my calorie allowance. I wish you the best during your journey. Don't give up, you are worth the effort!
    1700 days ago
  • VEG_GIRL04
    It's such a hard switch to flip - but usually the hardest part is recognizing what you need to do. You have already faced half the battle - you know your issues, now just have to perfect facing them.

    Best thing you can do is preplan. If you do - you won't end up low or high on your calories. On days where I'm afraid I'm about to do either - I pick out my meals and log them as soon as possible. If I have a high calorie breakfast - I automatically make sure I can keep myself on track for the rest of the day. Maybe even go a step further like some do on here and plan your meals for the week.

    Also - be mindful of the emotional reasons you might be eating. That has really opened my eyes to calories, weight loss and weight gain being more than just physical.
    1700 days ago
    Wow, that is amazing that you were able to recover and live a more balanced life. I am not an expert but I think because you have this 'will power' to be able to look at food and not need to even touch it or try it you have the opportunity to make you body and mind super uber healthy by planning ahead. If you make meal plans for yourself for the right amount of calories for the day and week you will not only lose the weight but discover that you are eating healthfully! That is my only advice...plan ahead!
    1700 days ago
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