Tuesday, February 19, 2013
On January 2nd, 2013, I signed up for SparkPeople because I had been making major changes and overhauling my whole life as I approached my 50th Birthday.
I got clear on the fact that I was overweight and that it was not going to just melt away because I kept wishing that it would. I deeply examining all my relationships. Painfully facing that one major long-term relationship was irreparably broken and needed to be discarded once and for all with all the dignity that I could muster and with gratitude for the lessons it taught me. My journey had brought me to a destination of clearing - letting go of fear, rejecting sluggishness, releasing my belief in scarcity and throwing away worn out, ill fitting shoes.
I made a committment to myself that for the rest of my life I would live every day conciously aware of who I am authentically. To tell the truth and be honest with myself, to live in integrity and keep my agreements to myself, to fully embrace my creativity and to be a catalyst for the creativity of others.
I have not achieved any of my committments "INSTANTLY". No magic relationship has appeared out of no where to replace the person I had to let go of. No glittery ruby red slippers dropped out of the clouds to whisk me away to home.
What did happen, is that I grieve some days and sometimes slip into a momentary lapse in faith that I am enough. There are days and even weeks on end when I feel better, think clearer and get more writing ideas down on paper than I ever have in my entire life. My vibrant, positive energy attracts vibrant, positive people in ALL the circles of my life - FitBit Users, colleauges, SparkFriends offer daily support, validation and encouragement. Family, friends, loved ones and strangers all relate to me in the same tender way of lovingkindness that I relate to the universe.
I used to look enviously upon people that appeared to have the gift of instant.
Those that had the uncanny ability to attract instant lovers, spontaneous marriages, successes and money. They projected the image of feeling completly secure with thier ability to access all things instant. This was before I understood that instant usually also means conveinant and conveinant can often mean shallow. Before I learned to distinguish between instant and hand crafted as it relates to life. The achievements and relationships that I craft for myself and that I share with my kinship are long term. Lifelong healthy, emotionally and spiritually well interactions of mutual sharing. These relationships are never one sided, they have no tolerance for any of the participants to be taken advantage of or used. I am capable and willing to "be there" for my loved ones when they actually need me and they do the same for me. I cherish the gradual. I adore the building and slow process and hand crafting of life in the long term.
I am doing my work daily. Waking every single morning with gratitude in my soul and on my lips, thankful for another opportunity to work my process and live my life.
There are no excuses to help me avoid my daily spiritual practice. I honestly show up for myself by not cheating on what I eat, tracking my food with the tools here on SparkPeople. There is no beating myself up if I forget to track, I catch up when I remember. Life is as simple as consuming 8 cups of water per day, adding more steps and low impact exercise to my daily routine and loving my whole self. I've not seen any huge weight loss yet (according to the scale, that is). But, my jeans are a whole lot loser aroud the tummy, and my overall muscle tone has greatly improved.
Let's all keep our heads up and ditch the idea of instant, in exchange we get to embrace the power of the long term.