Not Cheating on Myself
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
I hate to write a whiny WHY IS IT SO HARD? post. But, man, it is. Except for a blip last week when I was eating right, and my weight dropped to 141, I've been doing a great job of maintaining the same weight for nearly a month. 144. I hate that number.
I've been exhausted. So tired. Weekend before last I was pretty prepared, I'd been doing a half-hour of stairmaster 4 days a week, I'd been eating relatively little. Then we went on a snowboarding trip in Colorado, where I actually ate pretty decently, but took lessons that kicked my butt. I wasn't burning calories as much as just burning my muscles. Falling down all over the place, getting up, falling down, getting up. It was humbling, for sure. And exhausting. I slept something like 11 hours a night, feeling like I had been beaten in a bar fight. Not that I know what that feels like. But I can imagine. Now. Then the next day, I did it all again.
After we got back from the trip, long flights back to the East Coast led to long nights at work. I intended to loosen up my sore muscles by working out, but instead I iced my legs while sipping red wine in front of the TV and catching up on Downton Abbey. The next weekend, we went snowboarding again locally. And it was harder than the time before. It was emotional, draining, and I burned nothing close to my usual calorie burn.
I went to the gym on President's Day, and while it felt pretty good to loosen up and ride the bike, my knee protested hours later. More ice, more wine, more TV. I can't put much weight on it now, and it makes me nervous. If I don't work out my lower body, I won't burn calories. If I don't burn calories, my weight won't budge at all.
Those thoughts make me reach for more pizza and more red wine. It's not a healthy cycle.
Strictly looking at the numbers, I do well for about a week, then I have a 2,100 calorie day just as I am about to lose some weight. It is either a party, or I blow it on something stupid like eating an extra meal because I am bored. Oh, and wine.
I have another goal - getting ready for Machu Picchu in March, and Costa Rica, where I will have to wear a bathing suit at the thermal spas. My knee obviously needs to recover in order to do the hiking (we're doing a 1 day hike, not the strenuous 4 day hike, but still). So somehow, I have to eat much much less (like 1300 max a day for a month)- and work out where I can.
When you're like me, you need to trick yourself into cultivating healthy habits. So, here are a few ideas --- I'm brushing off my juicer yet again. When I stick to it, it works. So, I am laying off the wine at home, and I'm going to replace it with my green juice. Another idea -- I've decided I will only shower after I go to the gym. Sure, that sounds disgusting. I like to shower everyday because I am a generally smelly person. But, it gets me to the gym everyday. And, yes, I have an injury--- really, when in the past few years HAVEN'T I had an injury. I know that if I stick to this- I will physically get myself to the gym everyday this month. And once I am there, I'll just suck it up and figure out what to do.
I've been working out and thinking about all of this so long I feel like an expert. Though I have no diploma and no great physique to show for it. I know the hardest part isn't learning what to do - it is making yourself do it. Doing it without thinking. And getting rid of bad habits. Changing instead of justifying. So, here I go again.