So I have realized my bad eating habits began as a child, I have to ask myself why. Well, first I had to have money to buy my candy, my parents gave it to me, not knowing I would not use that money wisely and buy sweets, they just thought they were being nice. But something was not right within me, I was eating those treats to make me feel better, because I did not feel good about myself. The instant gratification of a treat, covered deeper problems that a child may not know how to handle. Unfortunately I had suffered some very unkind situations, which may be defined as abusive by some. I have been trying to make peace about these things and God is by my side now as an adult. But as a child, I was really alone from these episodes, already being an only child didn't help, I was withdrawn inside myself, I was also bullied for my unusual name, Ingrid, the kids preferred calling me Ignorant, it hurt. I didn't know it was making me not like myself, and I needed food to fill the void to make me feel better, to mask the pain inside. Something inside me was bigger than this, it was God. God led me all by myself to groups were I could draw closer to Him, to learn, study, have fellowship and fun with other Christian kids. I found out about a bible camp in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, I asked my parents if I could go, they were not sure, but I begged, then they let me go and I ended up going for 6 summers, I became a born-again Christian in 1976 at that camp and it put a seed into me of how I wanted to live my life. Sadly at one of my camp physicals, I was touched inappropriately by my dr. in a private area with my mom behind a curtain. I had trouble having eye contact with people after that, I didn't tell anyone until later in my adult years, I felt awful for a long time after that happened, kind of a dirty feeling. I also found another club in my hometown called Awana, I joined, rode the big church bus and had the best of times learning bible verses, singing, playing in the gym, I worked for the highest Awana award and did make it, I earned the Timothy award for learning many Bible memory verses. I thank God for giving me these activities in Jesus Name. I believe I was led to them in a divine manner to help me, a lonely, abused, only child with a funny name. He is still seeing me through. I see that these rough times should have taught me to rely more on the Lord, but my human side, my sinful side had a stronghold on me, I loved God, but still loved my sweets. I was struggling with an inner battle, I know around age 12, I looked at myself and I had got quite chubby, very round face, maybe even a double chin. I knew I had to do something. I started exercising in my basement, I also jogged from time to time. This was the start of the weight loss and weight gaining journey, more like a roller coaster that would keep taking me up and down into adulthood. As I release the negative experiences and toxic events of my childhood, let me gain inner peace and a fresh new perspective and how to live my live as God would have me honoring the body He gave me with healthy and nourishing food.
I can do this.
more entries to follow.