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    ONEKIDSMOM   107,619
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What you really, really want...

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

If discipline is remembering what you want, motivation is partly figuring out what it is you really, really want badly enough to get you moving.

I have been kind of quiet here on Spark over the long weekend. Part of that time was spent walking on the treadmill, part of it was spent sleeping and trying to get me straightened back to my normal rotation of wake/sleep (a more trying job than it was 40 years back), part of it was spent feeling physically lousy, and part, well, to be honest, misbehaving with my old buddy food.

And since I was not feeling like sharing my completely jumbled up thoughts yet again on doubting my goals... I kept my mouth / keyboard shut. We won't go into the tablet versus old slow desktop, mainly I was silent because I had no clue what I wanted to say.

Still not sure I *do* know what I want to say, even now, but it is a fresh new work week, I'm starting the day with the routine of packing the healthy lunch and simmering the steel cut oats. And ahead is a stressful workday, and a snowstorm slated to slide in here on Thursday... and survival is the major goal.

A part of me is contemplating what 2013 would look like if I bailed on the race schedule. Completely. As in: pull in your horns and try to just live a life. Without putting pressure to train for distance on yourself. I ponder what that would do to my motivation. Would it help, or hinder? Would I feel like an embarrassed failure because I told everyone I was going after full marathon in May? Or would I feel relieved because now I could focus on one thing: work, and just deal with my line in the sand stay with the program to stay healthy until this passes?

So, with that thought, of Barb pondering where I go from here, and meditating on what I really, really want... I commend to each of you a fine Spark Day. Because with or without athletic events, LIFE is good, and each of us, even *me* is worth taking care of. Oxygen masks to the fore! Spark on! emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKLISE 2/23/2013 6:16PM

    I find that we put so much pressure on ourselves sometimes.
Doing a marathon is great,if you have the time, but if it can't fit in your life without keeping your balance and your sanity, it might be time to reassess.

You are doing emoticon
Keep up the good work! emoticon

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KLMEIRING 2/22/2013 11:20PM

    Thanks for sharing! I wish you well as you continue this journey... whatever you decide concerning the racing and training schedule. emoticon

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LEANJEAN6 2/22/2013 5:10PM

    WELL, I CAN'T FIND YER BLOG=--HAVE BEEN SEARCHING-----hope all is good there!-------It's Friday------YEAH!!!--The weekend is here!---ZOWY! emoticon

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LILPAT3 2/21/2013 12:25PM

    I am sure whatever choice(s) you make will be the correct ones. Hard to know what to do until you try it. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SLENDERELLA61 2/20/2013 3:49PM

    I suspect that if you spend a day or 3 taking good care of yourself and getting fully rested, then what you really, really want will become clear. At this point I do not aspire to do a full marathon, because I think I will be healthier doing a half marathon once or twice a year, lots of 5Ks, lots of cross training, and strength training. I do have running friends really twisting my arm, wanting me to go for the full. I am resisting.

With your son home now, you may have less time to run if you are cooking for him or otherwise spending time with him. Or you may have more time to run if he is running with you.

Trying to balance this big work demand with training and family life and all you do isn't easy. Of course, only you can figure out what you really, really want. But when you do, I'll bet on you to succeed in your endeavor!!

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_LINDA 2/20/2013 1:21AM

    Lots of great answers here! Just a thought -you came so far so fast, advanced from one amazing athletic feat to another. Did I blink and miss the recovery time you gave yourself for the next big challenge? Because this choice is a biggie. It sure doesn't help work is also a major biggie going on and perhaps now is not the time to be thinking of a two fer. Maybe a recovery and rejuvenation period is called for. The rest and recovery we are all supposed to get after a strenous event..
For sure no one would think any less of you were you to decide it was the wrong time for a full marathon..
Do whats best for you, search in your heart and you will really know...

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MSLZZY 2/19/2013 10:36PM

    I think I need that oxygen now. Just breathe!
That's better. So many decisions that only you
can make.
Send a little of that snow our way but don't tell
the GC it is coming. I want it to be a surprise.
HUGS!

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RUN4FOOD 2/19/2013 9:34PM

    A marathon is difficult. Not just the run itself, but all the training that goes into it. You've really got to want to run a marathon to stay motivated to do all the necessary training. My concern would be your getting injured, you almost wishing you had an injury so you could stop all the training runs.
My vote would be 'yes' if you really want to run the marathon, but 'no' if you feel anything less.

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PATRICIAAK 2/19/2013 9:02PM

    There is only x amount of energy in the energy bank. Overspending leads to negative
repercussion. Choose wisely.

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WATERMELLEN 2/19/2013 8:36PM

    Terrific blog as always . . . you really put it out there.

When circumstances change then what motivates changes too. Former goals may not be doable or realistic.

It never hurts to be kind: including, kind to yourself.

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MOBYCARP 2/19/2013 7:58PM

    It is a puzzlement, discerning what project is a good motivator and what project is simply biting off more than we can chew. In 20-20 hindsight, it would have been better for me to forego the half marathon idea in 2012, in favor of just running through the winter and getting used to how that went. This year, I *think* I understand things better; but it still could turn out that I've bitten off more than I can chew during tax season.

Whatever you decide, I hope you will be at peace with the decision and make appropriate adjustments to your lifestyle to remain healthy. You're worth it.

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OVERWORKEDJANET 2/19/2013 6:31PM

    Ah, my vicarious life is resting...so what?
Maybe you are resting so my foot can feel better emoticon

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DLDMIL 2/19/2013 2:33PM

    You are not a failure if you do not do the full marthon. You have accomplished so much during this journey. You are allowed to take a break, have a different life exeperience. Take care and do what is best for you, not any one else. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/19/2013 2:33:24 PM

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WARDMIC78 2/19/2013 12:45PM

    It's honorable that you can use this platform to be honest and clear your head. I recently used my blog to do the same and just the act of verbalizing how I felt made a huge difference. You must do what is right for you and what makes you happy. No one puts more pressure on you than YOU. This race doesn't define you and you only owe happiness to yourself.

emoticon

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DALID414 2/19/2013 10:46AM

    If you choose to pull out of the race you shouldn't feel like an embarrassed failure. Anyone can say I want to do this race or that, but only YOU live your life and only YOU know what time and effort you need to prepare for it. You owe us nothing Barb.

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1CRAZYDOG 2/19/2013 10:18AM

  sometimes things that motivated us initially turn into a stressor. When that happens time to step back and re-evaluate. That's not failure! That's taking care of YOU! I have a feeling that all the changes that have happened in your life recently . . . good and bad . . . are coming home to roost a little.

So, before making a decision take the time to relaly reel it in your head AND your heart. I know you will because you always have.

HUGS and sending you calming vibes.

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LESLIELENORE 2/19/2013 9:52AM

    emoticon

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LINDAKAY228 2/19/2013 9:44AM

    Sending you hugs and good vibes as you struggle to decide what it is that you need/want to do for yourself. A decision only you can make. It doesn't matter what you told everyone about the marathon. Don't do something just because of pressure from others. If you want to do, then go for it. If you feel this isn't the time to think about it, then it's okay to revise your goals and give that up to focus on a work related goal or whatever you need to do right now. Good luck as you choose what is the best plan for Barb!

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BARBARAJ73 2/19/2013 9:16AM

    New day... new week... spring is around the corner. Do not ( or at least try not to) stress over something which should bring you joy. Your decision will come to you. Wishing you a fine Spark Day too!

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ANDI571 2/19/2013 9:09AM

    I am in the sme mind set Barb. I even told DH the other day that I seem to want a life style right now more than I want to eat healthy. I am on a dangerous path right now, but have been fighting to get back on the right path. We will do it. We know what we need to do and we have the tools to do it. emoticon

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KALIGIRL 2/19/2013 9:06AM

    It's easier for me to focus on one thing @ a time and with the huge work project vying for your time, I can understand your quandary. Work is now the center - it wasn't when you were planning the marathon - that eliminates the 'failure' fear in my mind.

The question now is what will keep you healthy and happy.

Daily Good asked what we'd do if money was no object and quoted Norman Vincent Peale - "Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that."

Neither your head nor your hands are empty - but only you can decide if the 'big' goal is what you need or the 'little' daily Life is GOOD goals work.

Namaste my friend


emoticon

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EBEAMS 2/19/2013 8:23AM

    Having knowledge of what the training will entail and the wisdom to know what you are mentally capable of handling will lead you to the right answer for YOU! I don't know what type of project your work is involved in but it sounds intense and life absorbing. We only have so much time and energy to commit to each part of our lives. Balance is the key ... but knowing when the balance has to be shifted is part of staying mentally healthy and sane. When I'm sitting around in Dispatch with nothing going on, it's easy for me to stay on track. Let the chaos move in and it's batten down the hatches and don't talk to me til we're done! Life is truly a series of adjustments ... every day, no matter what. Let us know how can help ... we're all cheering you on to victory, marathon or not!!!

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AMSPARKER 2/19/2013 8:14AM

    *even me*??? Especially YOU! One of the worst feelings is being overwhelmed and doing something just so you can cross it off your list...better to wait until you can enjoy both the journey and the result...just my unwanted or unasked for opinion!

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JANEMARIE77 2/19/2013 8:07AM

    Marathons are hard and a lot of work I personally have never trained for one. But my thought was always "there not much in life I want to do for 4 + hours" straight nothing else just run could i do it maybe (i do have some foot issues and am kind of afraid over training would cause a side line) do I need to know if I can do it NO 4 + hours of anything the same thing would drive me crazy I love 1/2s and a weekly 10 or so miles. So do you need to know you can do it? will you enjoy the journey to find out? list your pros and cons its all about you not us

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ROXYZMOM 2/19/2013 7:48AM

    I am going to play devil's advocate here ... Imagine if you were told you couldn't run (due to an injury). I was getting into the lull you are in now when I was told I had to give it a break and go to PT. the first week or two was nice but then I started feeling out of shape more and more and really missed running! Every time I hear one of my running songs on the radio or see a nice weather day out I am tempted but can't do it! It's plain awful!

Also: maybe you need to break your routine and train differently. Run with someone else, add something new to the mix (yoga, swimming, ST)? Or add new running music?

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GABY1948 2/19/2013 7:38AM

    Now that you have it out in the open, Barb, you can honestly decide what Barb wants for Barb. Not what WE want Barb to do, but what Barb really wants. Ultimately it is about you. I just don't want you to look back when you make that decision (you see, I am a lot like you) and let it throw you in a tizzy and back to food...I always realize now that in order to accomplish something (like NOT eating over a situation) I have to go THROUGH that situation and NOT eat in order to eradicate my before reaction of eating and replace that with a new reaction of not eating....and we are the only ones that can do that and then eventually it will become a habit and the only reaction we think of!
Best to you, Barb. Do it for YOU...whatever you do! emoticon

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HEALTHY4ME 2/19/2013 7:38AM

    Coming from someone that can't get her ducks in a row right now this is sort of presumptuous. I think I would want to enjoy running the race, enjoy training and perhaps just enjoy lief without the added pressure. Why do you have to do that race, certainly not to impress anyone ( other than yourself) and if you are embarrassed HA dont' be cos wow girl you run more than a lot do and you don't have to say anything but can say I just decided with my life schedule as it is now, I wanted to enjoy what I am doing and how I am doing it.

Just my two cents worth which I see is similar to the other that responded, who I now am going to go see if she is from NS as of her Bluenose name! LOL
HUGS and have a good day.

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BLUENOSE63 2/19/2013 7:30AM

  My best unwanted advice is you need sometime off. The worst thing you can do is train for a race you aren't sure you want to run. It makes it worse mentally and physically (only my experience). If you look back on 2012 and all the running accomplishments you attained; taking some time to let your body repair itself, smell the flowers etc. sounds like a really good idea. Remember Barb, there is always another marathon around the corner should you change your mind.

Be proud of what you have accomplished and take the time to bask in the glow of accomplishment....not always a bad thing to slow down before you burn out!



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LEANJEAN6 2/19/2013 7:22AM

    I think you need to see SPRING--to rejuvinate you Barb!--But---You know---there i8s luife--even without a ""run for a cause"" You are my hero anyway-----I too had a bad ""overeating"" weekend--but--it's a new day---and I shall get back on track---We can remain healthy-----Lynda emoticon

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MARTYJOE 2/19/2013 7:22AM

    You have to figure out if a marathon is what you really want and not worry about what other people with think. Maybe your mind is telling you that you are not ready mentally or physically to run that far yet.Listen to your inner voice and good luck.

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