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I'm finally facing the truth about me.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Well, it is always said that a picture is like a thousand words and so is my spark page and personal pictures. Recently I changed some of my photos around to refresh my page and couldn't really be honest about myself in my "before" picture. I have faced it today and have corrected the caption under it. This picture is of me actually weighing in at 380 lbs. I've always accepted the 365+ lbs because the scales would go no further. I've been unable, even up until today, to accept the fact that I had let myself go that far. I feel that I could never have been that out of control with myself. I know that other sparkers have started out at larger weights and I don't know why I couldn't be honest about mine, but I guess I just felt that I "was never" at that point in my life. Why I thought and felt that, I do not know. I will probably never know nor understand my denial.

I have said and shared all of this with you, my spark friends and family, because I'm "coming clean" with myself and with you. Please forgive me if I have led any of you astray. It was not my intention to do so. This is another step in the right direction and lifestyle change that I must do. I have to always see and visualize the "old me" in order to accomplish the "new me". I have adjusted all of my numbers now accordingly and will never deny who I was and where I've come from again. I am who I was and I am who I'm now.

Have a blessed day and wonderful journey to the new you........and me.

"(C)", 2013, Paula Boyd-Friend, all rights reserved
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I know what you mean, I have never told anyone in my family how much I actually weigh
    1846 days ago
  • 123456789100
    You are totally amazing. You've come this far through the grace of God and your extremely hard work. I don't think where you started is important, except in that it accentuates how far you've really come.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1847 days ago
  • SOSHIV2011
    Totally inspiring! You didn't lead us astray. You have to look at today and not have so many regrets about yesterday!
    I am struggling with lose/gain/lose/gain since Jan 2013. I am not able to sustain...lose..lose..lose..lose journey. Any words of wisdom for me?
    1850 days ago
    My beautiful friend, we'd love you no matter what. And in no way did you lead us astray. You are an inspiration and a living victory for us to see!!
    1850 days ago
    You are an amazing, brave, and inspiring woman, Paula! What a pleasure it is to witness your journey in photos and know you as a person. Thank-you for sharing your journey with us.

    1850 days ago
    Oh Sweet Paula,
    You have come so far on your journey and have been such a positive inspiration to so many. You could never disappoint. We are human and not perfect.
    Love you and your honesty.
    Bless you!

    1850 days ago
    the before number and pictures arent nearly as important as the results you've earned.

    1850 days ago
    Facing the truth about ourselves is often the most difficult thing we will ever do.
    Kudos to you, my friend! emoticon It isn't always necessary to understand the why's. You have made the breakthrough which will result in things you would never imagine! Your honesty demonstrates a strength of character which will be key to your success in making the changes you desire.
    You are not alone in denial. Life experience is often needed to create the awareness you seek. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1851 days ago
  • -DAVE-
    It really doesn't matter - it's just a number. The more important thing is that we're here for you and that you are doing something. Be progressive and don't seek perfection and you'll be fine. Look at the awesomeness inside you regardless if you told me you were 3oo. You are an incredible person to have lost all this weight and to stick with it.



    1851 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/20/2013 12:20:16 AM
  • -LINDA_S

    The truth will set you free! It's not important to us, but it was important for your own peace of mind. Your courage is admirable!
    1851 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1851 days ago
    Are you kidding me? You ROCK -- totally. I have 10 stupid pounds to lose, and I am all over the place...can't stick with it to save my life. We all have some form of denial. Thank you for showing me what determination looks like. emoticon
    1851 days ago
    Thank you for sharing and I understand exactly where you are coming from.
    You are such an inspirational friend and have achieved so much.
    We love you.
    1851 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon keep going! we love you!
    1851 days ago
  • SCORPION1352
    Sometimes we just have to be accountable to ourselves. No one really knows the truth but us. You have a done a brave thing and I for one am very proud of you.

    Keep up the good work

    1851 days ago
    No matter how you look at it, you've come a very long way.
    1851 days ago
  • BDH1970
    I just last week came clean to my hubby and told him how much I weighed, and that's after 26 years together. You're awesome, no matter what you said your weight was, or is, for that matter :) emoticon
    1851 days ago
    emoticon its all a journey and sometimes the whys are not explained
    1851 days ago
  • 1GROVES2
    You know it only matters to you...but it mattered enough for you to "come clean"...You are a winner!
    1852 days ago
    1852 days ago
    If you took a poll and asked how many women put their true weight on their driver`s liscense,do you think they are honest or fudge the numbers?
    I have never put my true weight down even when I was somewhat thin.
    1852 days ago
  • GINA180847
    It really is true that no one cares what your start weight was but I do see the need to come clean. It is your end weight that is really impressive.
    1852 days ago
  • 2BEHEALTHY2014
    You've come such a long way! You should be so proud of yourself!
    1852 days ago
    You are still a winner in my eyes. All I see is the victory that you have accomplished, and the encouragement that you share with us.

    emoticon on your victory
    Thanks for sharing
    1852 days ago
    Paula, You are such a lovely woman,you have come a long ways. I am very proud of you for making the decision to change your life and making those healthy choices and sticking with them . I really don't care what your starting weight was, only that you were unhealthy and through your determination have made these lifelong changes to your life. Wether you weighed 380lbs or 365+ lbs the important thing is that you have lost 200 lbs and are a new healthier person. I respect you and am inspred by you. We are your friends we do not judge you. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1852 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/19/2013 8:31:35 AM
    The precise start weight is more important to you than you anyone else. We just see "victory".
    1852 days ago
  • KITT52
    Paula it doesn't matter where we were it's where we are now .....we have all lied about our are just human my friend....Rejoice in what you have accomplished.....most people only dream about loosing the have done it....great proud of your self....keep looking forward, there is so much to see....

    have a healthy week
    1852 days ago
    emoticon We are what we are. We accept what we can about ourselves when we can. It's a tough road sometimes. emoticon on working through all you have to get where you are today! We're in progress, we're never finished!!! So happy you're doing the hard work!! You're such a beautiful woman!!! And you're soooo worth the effort!! emoticon
    1852 days ago
  • SAMI199
    You are such an inspiration! Learning where we have come from is an important part of becoming who we want to be. Thanks for sharing.


    1852 days ago
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