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    SONGBIRDPAULA   57,174
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I'm finally facing the truth about me.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Well, it is always said that a picture is like a thousand words and so is my spark page and personal pictures. Recently I changed some of my photos around to refresh my page and couldn't really be honest about myself in my "before" picture. I have faced it today and have corrected the caption under it. This picture is of me actually weighing in at 380 lbs. I've always accepted the 365+ lbs because the scales would go no further. I've been unable, even up until today, to accept the fact that I had let myself go that far. I feel that I could never have been that out of control with myself. I know that other sparkers have started out at larger weights and I don't know why I couldn't be honest about mine, but I guess I just felt that I "was never" at that point in my life. Why I thought and felt that, I do not know. I will probably never know nor understand my denial.

I have said and shared all of this with you, my spark friends and family, because I'm "coming clean" with myself and with you. Please forgive me if I have led any of you astray. It was not my intention to do so. This is another step in the right direction and lifestyle change that I must do. I have to always see and visualize the "old me" in order to accomplish the "new me". I have adjusted all of my numbers now accordingly and will never deny who I was and where I've come from again. I am who I was and I am who I'm now.

Have a blessed day and wonderful journey to the new you........and me.

Paula
"(C)", 2013, Paula Boyd-Friend, all rights reserved
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SIMONEKP 2/24/2013 2:34PM

    I know what you mean, I have never told anyone in my family how much I actually weigh

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ISTRALOUISE 2/24/2013 9:12AM

    You are totally amazing. You've come this far through the grace of God and your extremely hard work. I don't think where you started is important, except in that it accentuates how far you've really come.

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SOSHIV2011 2/21/2013 10:01AM

  Totally inspiring! You didn't lead us astray. You have to look at today and not have so many regrets about yesterday!
I am struggling with lose/gain/lose/gain since Jan 2013. I am not able to sustain...lose..lose..lose..lose journey. Any words of wisdom for me?

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IAM_HIS 2/21/2013 8:06AM

    My beautiful friend, we'd love you no matter what. And in no way did you lead us astray. You are an inspiration and a living victory for us to see!!

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JULIERAE41 2/20/2013 2:36PM

    You are an amazing, brave, and inspiring woman, Paula! What a pleasure it is to witness your journey in photos and know you as a person. Thank-you for sharing your journey with us.

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JANESLOSS 2/20/2013 1:10PM

    Oh Sweet Paula,
You have come so far on your journey and have been such a positive inspiration to so many. You could never disappoint. We are human and not perfect.
Love you and your honesty.
Bless you!
Love,
Jane

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MPETERSON2311 2/20/2013 12:46PM

    the before number and pictures arent nearly as important as the results you've earned.

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HUNGRYWOMAN2 2/20/2013 8:49AM

    Paula,
Facing the truth about ourselves is often the most difficult thing we will ever do.
Kudos to you, my friend! emoticon It isn't always necessary to understand the why's. You have made the breakthrough which will result in things you would never imagine! Your honesty demonstrates a strength of character which will be key to your success in making the changes you desire.
You are not alone in denial. Life experience is often needed to create the awareness you seek. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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-DAVE- 2/20/2013 12:18AM

    It really doesn't matter - it's just a number. The more important thing is that we're here for you and that you are doing something. Be progressive and don't seek perfection and you'll be fine. Look at the awesomeness inside you regardless if you told me you were 3oo. You are an incredible person to have lost all this weight and to stick with it.

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Smiles.

Dave

Comment edited on: 2/20/2013 12:20:16 AM

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-LINDA_S 2/19/2013 10:27PM

   
The truth will set you free! It's not important to us, but it was important for your own peace of mind. Your courage is admirable!

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NEWKATHYNOW 2/19/2013 6:52PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MORGANPARK 2/19/2013 5:21PM

    Are you kidding me? You ROCK -- totally. I have 10 stupid pounds to lose, and I am all over the place...can't stick with it to save my life. We all have some form of denial. Thank you for showing me what determination looks like. emoticon

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JIGGILY 2/19/2013 3:17PM

    Thank you for sharing and I understand exactly where you are coming from.
You are such an inspirational friend and have achieved so much.
We love you.
emoticon
Dee
xoxoxox

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SALLYANNE0852 2/19/2013 2:50PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon keep going! we love you!

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SCORPION1352 2/19/2013 1:59PM

    Sometimes we just have to be accountable to ourselves. No one really knows the truth but us. You have a done a brave thing and I for one am very proud of you.

Keep up the good work

Marty

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DETERMINED_ME 2/19/2013 12:31PM

    No matter how you look at it, you've come a very long way.

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PAULAROCKS3 2/19/2013 12:04PM

    I just last week came clean to my hubby and told him how much I weighed, and that's after 26 years together. You're awesome, no matter what you said your weight was, or is, for that matter :) emoticon

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JANEMARIE77 2/19/2013 10:51AM

    emoticon its all a journey and sometimes the whys are not explained

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1GROVES2 2/19/2013 10:26AM

    You know it only matters to you...but it mattered enough for you to "come clean"...You are a winner!

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2HAMSDIET 2/19/2013 10:02AM

    emoticon

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GAILSQUEST 2/19/2013 9:32AM

    If you took a poll and asked how many women put their true weight on their driver`s liscense,do you think they are honest or fudge the numbers?
I have never put my true weight down even when I was somewhat thin.

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GINA180847 2/19/2013 9:19AM

    It really is true that no one cares what your start weight was but I do see the need to come clean. It is your end weight that is really impressive.

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2BEHEALTHY2014 2/19/2013 8:40AM

    You've come such a long way! You should be so proud of yourself!

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4RASCALS 2/19/2013 8:34AM

    You are still a winner in my eyes. All I see is the victory that you have accomplished, and the encouragement that you share with us.

emoticon on your victory
Thanks for sharing

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LIVINGLOVINLIFE 2/19/2013 8:28AM

    Paula, You are such a lovely woman,you have come a long ways. I am very proud of you for making the decision to change your life and making those healthy choices and sticking with them . I really don't care what your starting weight was, only that you were unhealthy and through your determination have made these lifelong changes to your life. Wether you weighed 380lbs or 365+ lbs the important thing is that you have lost 200 lbs and are a new healthier person. I respect you and am inspred by you. We are your friends we do not judge you. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/19/2013 8:31:35 AM

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NELLJONES 2/19/2013 8:00AM

    The precise start weight is more important to you than you anyone else. We just see "victory".

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KITT52 2/19/2013 7:48AM

    Paula it doesn't matter where we were it's where we are now .....we have all lied about our weight.....you are just human my friend....Rejoice in what you have accomplished.....most people only dream about loosing the weight...you have done it....great job....be proud of your self....keep looking forward, there is so much to see....

have a healthy week

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111BUTTERFLY111 2/19/2013 7:35AM

    emoticon We are what we are. We accept what we can about ourselves when we can. It's a tough road sometimes. emoticon on working through all you have to get where you are today! We're in progress, we're never finished!!! So happy you're doing the hard work!! You're such a beautiful woman!!! And you're soooo worth the effort!! emoticon

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SAMI199 2/19/2013 7:29AM

    You are such an inspiration! Learning where we have come from is an important part of becoming who we want to be. Thanks for sharing.

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