Monday, February 18, 2013
Rented this movie this weekend -- it was cheaper than driving to town and going to a movie. It was good. I enjoyed it and thought the cast was quite good, especially Emma Watson. This morning, I find myself remembering a line from it -- "We settle for the love we think we deserve." I think I understand what it means, but at the moment I'm having trouble figuring out how it applies. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe it does and my brain is just to frazzled to understand... or my heart to hurt to put it into words. I think there's something to it though.
but I didn't settle with Thom. I know a lot of people think I did since I was the "third" but I don't feel I did. I found something wonderful and I fought with everything I am to have it around. I had people telling me it was wrong... telling me it wasn't real... I had family and friends that didn't come to the wedding... but it wasn't wrong, it was real and beautiful and fulfilling and what I wanted.
Maybe I'm settling now?? But I don't see how. I would really like a date. I would really like it if someone interesting was interested in me. I want to be noticed. I want to be wanted... to feel loved... to matter (I keep coming back to that... hmm). Just not sure how to find it. I know, peopel always say that love finds you when you aren't looking. You know who says that? Married people. Which is annoying enough, really. But how do you not look for love when that really is what you want? Someone to share with, to talk with, to cuddle with, to love and be loved back, to matter to, to miss and be missed.
Thom changed his FB status to "married" this morning. Hit like a kick in the gut... only about 5 inches higher. So much for "doing better". Right now I want phish food (have I mentioned I'm an emotional eater?).