I know not a great title, but it's all I had. So I'm starting again, I had lost about 20 lbs, and I gained it all back. At this blog posting I weigh 234 lbs, back when I started again in 2012 I weighed 234 lbs and that is my highest weight ever and I can't believe I got back to that point.

I've been depressed, whch isn't something new, I've suffered from depression since puberty. However, even w/ medication I've been going through a rough patch. I'm so tired of being unhappy and I've finally admitted to myself that I hate myself and that is something I've never said out loud before and it's not a healthy attitude. I so need to change, to get healthy for me so that I feel better about myself.

So I'm vowing to do my best, try my best every day to make the best decisions I can in regards to diet and exercise and focus on getting me to a better place. A healthier place both mentally and physically. I have to do this, because I'm afraid that otherwise life isn't going to be worth living. I have to do this, failure is not an option.