Monday, February 18, 2013
Apologies to anyone who finds this post offensive.
My mom died Valentine's Day morning. She had told me the day before that she was dying, and I told her it was okay and that I would keep Dad safe. She had planned to drive herself to her gastroenterologist appt. on Thursday while I was to stay with Dad. I was up all night thinking, she can't drive herself and was up and ready to go over when the phone rang and all I heard was a slurred "I go' a problem". I raced over, alerted the front desk and from that moment to her arrest, was with her, managed to get my dad to breakfast with the right amount of insulin and held her hand as her spirit left her. Next to the birth of my daughter, it's the most profound thing I have ever experienced.
Enter my sister. I have power of attorney and my awesome brother is executor of the estate and she's just a pain in the ass. She has been sleeping at the assisted living facility, screwing up my dad's schedule and giving him OTC meds without anyone's permission. Then there's the matter of the estate sale at the house, the contract for which is the last document my mom signed the day she told me she was dying. Sis, who has a hoarding disorder, is wailing about not having enough time to touch and inventory every f------ thing in the house. She already hauled out two trash bags and some pots and pans when she knew the locks were being changed (part of estate sale contract) and signed into the assisted living suite on Friday at 1:36 am to sleep on dad's couch. Assisted living staff on this and completely supportive and fantastic. Running interference for me.
I have lost almost 10 lbs already. I know it's not healthy, and starting Saturday, I have consciously made myself eat appropriately. But where before food was a mechanism for dealing with unpleasant emotions, now it's just food. I can feel hunger, and I can eat something and enjoy its flavor. But then i'm done.
Don't what this is about yet. Maybe freedom from worrying about Mom and her pain? Just know that something is different in me.
Thanks for reading, everyone. God bless you all.