Monday, February 18, 2013
So this has been the hardest couple of weeks of my life. My husband and I, after 8 weeks, found out our baby did not have a heartbeat and I have since miscarried our little angel.
Well - here I am - I have spent the past week in the most horrible physical & emotional pain I have ever experienced so I did what I always do - I ate away my feelings of loss & being pissed at the world.
But this morning I woke up, ready to take back my life from the pain. I am still upset, I always will be. I will always think about what could have been but I can't change anything. It is so hard for me - an absolute control freak - to believe I didn't do anything to cause this or that If I had just done something different I could have changed this outcome. The guilt is heavy and no matter how many people say things just happen I can't bring myself to believe it - but I can't keep eating my feelings away - it isn't helping anyone.
So this morning I put on some workout clothes and started walking...just walking...with my ipod blaring Beyonce I shut out everything and just walked. Once day at a time right?