Monday, February 18, 2013
My daughter called yesterday while I was watching her son and asked me to take the call in another room away from him. I did. I asked if there was something wrong. She said yes than,
“I don’t want to do this anymore. I have a lot of stuff going on in my life right now and I don’t want to be estranged from my mother. I want to call a truce. I don’t even understand what happened the other day (last Monday) when we spoke. We were having a nice conversation and then you brought up the past and all hell broke loose.”
I responded, “I didn’t bring up the past, didn’t even mention it, only said that if you wanted all these favors (monthly support money, weekend summer getaway and big graduation trip next year than what were you planning to put on the table in regard to our relationship. The past is the past, I said. It has already done its damage, and left its marks. I was speaking of the present and future. After all I am no longer willing to help you out or provide nice things for you if all I am going to get is the same abuse from you.”
She replied, “We both say and do things that are wrong. I am not asking for any apologies from you nor am I offering you any. Just simply can we call a time out and try and get along from this point forward. I have a lot going on and I don’t want to be at odds with you too. Would you be willing to try?
I said, “I can do most anything as long as I am not abused or disrepected. That is where I draw the line. The abuse and disrepect has to stop. She said, “Okay, fair enough. I continued, “I don’t expect that either one of us will be perfect right out of the gate. That perhaps we will need to explain ourselves if one of us says or does something that could be construed wrongly so the other doesn’t flip out entirely.” She responded, “That sounds doable.”
End of conversation.
My daughter has said things that have made me stand up and take notice HOWEVER I am now left to wonder …
Has she really given this serious thought and honestly wants something better for her and me?
OR is it just because she is scared of the skin cancer diagnoses and feeling emotional right now?
OR is this just another attempt to gain financial support and/ or favors like she has done before?
I wish I could take her solely at her word but for my daughter to do a 180 turn-around after 15+ years of abuse just makes me question her motives. I guess all I can do is wait and see, cautiously.