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    CHANGING4ME49   17,528
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Grandson Time/ Other Stuff - Part 2

Monday, February 18, 2013

My daughter called yesterday while I was watching her son and asked me to take the call in another room away from him. I did. I asked if there was something wrong. She said yes than,

“I don’t want to do this anymore. I have a lot of stuff going on in my life right now and I don’t want to be estranged from my mother. I want to call a truce. I don’t even understand what happened the other day (last Monday) when we spoke. We were having a nice conversation and then you brought up the past and all hell broke loose.”

I responded, “I didn’t bring up the past, didn’t even mention it, only said that if you wanted all these favors (monthly support money, weekend summer getaway and big graduation trip next year than what were you planning to put on the table in regard to our relationship. The past is the past, I said. It has already done its damage, and left its marks. I was speaking of the present and future. After all I am no longer willing to help you out or provide nice things for you if all I am going to get is the same abuse from you.”

She replied, “We both say and do things that are wrong. I am not asking for any apologies from you nor am I offering you any. Just simply can we call a time out and try and get along from this point forward. I have a lot going on and I don’t want to be at odds with you too. Would you be willing to try?

I said, “I can do most anything as long as I am not abused or disrepected. That is where I draw the line. The abuse and disrepect has to stop. She said, “Okay, fair enough. I continued, “I don’t expect that either one of us will be perfect right out of the gate. That perhaps we will need to explain ourselves if one of us says or does something that could be construed wrongly so the other doesn’t flip out entirely.” She responded, “That sounds doable.”

End of conversation.

My daughter has said things that have made me stand up and take notice HOWEVER I am now left to wonder …

Has she really given this serious thought and honestly wants something better for her and me?

OR is it just because she is scared of the skin cancer diagnoses and feeling emotional right now?

OR is this just another attempt to gain financial support and/ or favors like she has done before?

I wish I could take her solely at her word but for my daughter to do a 180 turn-around after 15+ years of abuse just makes me question her motives. I guess all I can do is wait and see, cautiously.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IOEINC 2/18/2013 6:44PM

    Good for you Sallie for standing up for yourself!! I think the best advice I can give you is take one day at a time and continue to let your daughter know that you deserve her love and respect. Maybe the simple answer is that your daughter finally grew up and realized after all what a wonderful mother she really has!!

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CAPECODLIGHT 2/18/2013 6:10PM

    Honestly, I don't think you should put any energy into expecting your daughter to apologize. If past behavior is any predictor, she is not going to apologize. Instead, just take that wait and see attitude you wrote about. You and your daughter have a new day, every day, to demonstrate that you can have a non-toxic relationship. And, I agree there may be missteps; and it is best if neither thinks "there she goes again" but communicates/clarifies as you described. Maybe this scare has caused your daughter to finally grow up. i hope so.

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MUFFINSKI 2/18/2013 2:33PM

    I think you handled it perfectly. You are willing to put it behind you, but you refuse to be a doormat. Completely fair of you. Be strong and don't let yourself be bullied.
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LKWQUILTER 2/18/2013 1:38PM

    Sallie, sometimes we just have to take things at face value but I do understand you hesitancy with this circumstances. I am dealing with that with my sister though she is still being "nice" to me. I am still waiting on the other shoe to fall--especially after the way she treated me after mama died. Daddy has been dead 9 mos now and she still "likes" me. Praying that all works out. Be strong. ((HUGS))

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MELMOMOF4 2/18/2013 1:00PM

    gotta start somewhere. good luck and I pray it works out for you and your daughter

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ELSCO55 2/18/2013 11:57AM

    This is a start. Will pray that she eventually apologizes for the past and asks you to forgive her while she proves she is sincere.

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