Monday, February 18, 2013
So yesterday was my birthday. Today is my son's 19th birthday and it is another time where we start to reflect on the life that has been and gone and hopes for the future.
I can't believe that I have been on this Earth for 41 years! I find it hard to get my head around the fact that my son is 19, especially when in my head that's pretty much the age I feel.
Life begins at 40 so they say. I can't say that I have had any great epiphany other than it's time to get myself back on track again...I have gone through the same cycle since I was a kid. I really started putting weight on as a teenager, it coincided with a 'holiday' I had with my dad. (Although I can remember being about 13 thinking about losing weight!) I always had a pretty difficult relationship with him, but this holiday was going to be a trigger for a downward spiral into depression and self loathing. I can't say it was all my dad's fault, at the end of the day I am responsible for my reactions, but I can say he was the trigger. That holiday instigated one of the biggest rejections I ever had to face - I became very depressed, used food as a crutch and I remember my 6th form ball being a disaster!
I can't tell you how many times I have been 'skinny' and then put all the weight back on again. But the reason for putting the weight back on has almost always been the same. The heaviest I have been before was about 150 lbs and I stayed at this for ages, until I had to go onto medication with the side effect of putting on weight! So this time my heaviest meant I put on another 25lbs :-( The doctors don't tell you that when you stop you have to work twice as hard to get the weight back off again.
I do want to be able to break this cycle...the issue isn't losing the weight after all. When I am in the right frame of mind I can consistently lose weight. The big issue is keeping it off. So bar any major disasters, my plan is to be in my purple dress by the summer.
Then the real challenge begins! So my goal for myself is not just to get there, but to still be there when I hit my 42nd birthday!